[missthang]

Greetings...


I have been involved with this guy for 11 months and things aren't peachy, but they are good, and I see the possibility of things becoming great, however, last week he told me that he wanted to just be friends. In the past, we have had this conversation and I have told him that I have never had the ability to be friends with any of the guys I've gone out with... its just too hard for me, especially if I really cared deeply for him... this is how I feel about him. Anyway, I am doing the best possible job I can at avoiding him, i.e, not having sexual or any physical contact with him, avoiding him at work, outside of work, at sporting events, church, all of that... but he calls me everyday, and I still talk to him, and we have the normal conversations, you know, joanin, talking about life, our futures, our degrees, kids, and our friends and family, yet I feel destroyed inside by him wanting to be friends now, and I asked him if he's moved on, and he said not at all, he just wanted to be friends right now. I have told him that I feel like one a guy walks away from me, it's done, no more second chances, no what ifs, no more waiting... if its done, its done, but he's being very persistent at making me still be in his life. Like, for better example, I have his cell phone, rather, he gave the damn thing to me, and I keep telling him to take the phone, or I'll leave it on his desk at work, give it to his mom, sister, cousin, anybody who will give it to him, but he waits until I'm not at my desk, in my car ( I have a drop top mustang saleen) leave it in an envelop on my porch... you know? And not that I am an evil or nothing, but in the past, when a guy I'm dating pulls the "let's be just friends" card, he's either already moved on, or is trying to play mind games, and I fell for it twice, and REFUSE to suject myself to another round of emotional unhappiness; I feel that when it's done, it's done, let it go, yanno? But he obviously feels otherwise. Not that I'm ready to let go of him and move on, but I'm not going to chase him or any other man down... a mutual friend, whom is a guy, has told me that I should wait, based on the fact that the guy still calls me, still talks (positivly) about me, and if he didn't want to be with me, he wouldn't make such attempts to try and continue a friendship, assuring me that he might have strayed, but he isn't gone. I'm treading fragile ice here. What the hell am I supposed to do? I mean, I still care about him, and in a heartbeat(maybe) would take him back, but I don't want to be a fool, yanno? If he wants to be with me, then why doesn't he just come on with the come on? Time is of essence and right now, because I am angry as hell, I feel he's wasting my time... am I wrong for not wanting to be friends with him or any of my exes? Or should I follow the friends advice and chill out a minute or two? I no longer hear my heart speaking to me, it only hurts, because he gave me no real reason behind this, nor did he say it in a nasty, off way, he just said, lets just be friends...

[Wildcat21]

If you love the guy you don't want to be just friends.

He has taken you for granted and there is not the respect there needs to be.

My strong advice is cut off all contact. Don't talk with him don't answer his calls. It's called a tactful withdrawal.

You've been just way too available to this guy.

You need to give him the gift of "missing you". People want what they can't have! Always - if you're always there for him he takes you for granted.

Going forward, if you decide to get back together, you need to give LESS time to him - more to your friends, family, work, hobbies - spend less time with him. You ALWAYS, even whwn married need to give the feeling there is some doubt that you might leave and have other options.

I assume you have pretty much surrender to him? Given him everything - game over there is NO MORE CHALLENGE!

Do you work with him - that is going to be impossible - is this a work romance? Is there more to this?

See you need a life - your significant other is part of your life - not your life.

For starters QUIT answering his calls. Don't return calls. Date others casually - jealousy can bring them flying back and he said he just wanted to be friends.

IF you work together - be cordial, say hi - but NO ATTENTION.

[mike145k]

Unfortunately you made a big mistake and your not alone,when will you humans learn that having sex is not a good policy when you like someone,you women need to learn not to give your bodies to anyone until your married.must I beat you people over the head how many times will this question be asked don't fool around and have sex ,then cry when the guy says I had you and now I want to move on to another piece come on wake up and smell the condoms .

[lickemlolly]

Now where in that sentence did she say she had sex with the guy.. the closest thing I saw was sexual contact which could be anything from holding hands to hugging... smh... this is what I'm talking about... if they wanted someone to criticize them theyd have called this forum criticism desk not help desk.. ugh.. im so disgusted with your unrelated advice..

[Wildcat21]

Old mike is a cynic. Bitter about something.

[lickemlolly]

Lmaoooooooooo... wildcat you are too much for me...

[shenda]

People = the world's greatest commodity; Instead of focusing on the "let's be friend aspect" which equates to a loss, a lessen relationship... think of it in a broader sense... you are now able to gauge your patience and endurance levels in life, which will help strengthen you as time carries on. Some of life's greatest victories are achieved by patience and endurance; however, in this particular situation... you have options... confront your beloved for a definitive answer and be prepared... or optimize your new found liberty to explore new and/or exciting relationship while maintaining the comfort you have come to know with your ex-beloved.

Very few people enjoy playing the waiting game; however, some things are well worth the wait. Is he?

However, there is one thing I would desire for you to consider, what has changed in his life? Sometimes, the let's be friend syndrome awakens in a relationship because one is unable to continue in the same vain, due to external distractions, which may require more of one's attention, thereby releasing one from feeling gulity because of not being able to supply ample/sufficient attention to his/her beloved. Sometimes we sacrifice Love in order to achieve/secure a more stable foundation to build on... maximizing the moment without taking our beloved for granted. Think about it, if your relationship remained unchanged, unchallenged it will suffer the likelihood of no growth. Stagnation gets boring after awhile.

[Wildcat21]

"you are now able to guage your patience and endurance levels in life, which will help strengthen you as time carries on."

Patience is key here - YES! Figure out what pushed him away.

[BattleAngel14745]

Message deleted

[Wildcat21]

Tough love from Battleangel - but she's right. This guy is playing ggames and waiting for some one else - don't be plan B.

[missthang]

unfortunately you made a big mistake and your not alone,when will you humans learn that having sex is not a good policy when you like someone,you women need to learn not to give your bodies to anyone untill your married.must i beat you people over the head how many times will this question be asked dont fool around and have sex ,then cry when the guy says i had you and now i want to move on to another piece come on wake up and smell the condoms .

To mike145k:
Oh, my mistake, I forgot to mention that idiots, judgemental folk, and dickheads are not allowed to answer ANY post I submit... now, if you could read as well as you TRY to judge and criticize, you'd see that he and I are NOT having sex... but, you know, you must have gotten p.w by a woman, this is why you want a pure, virgin right? Wait until I'm married, it sounds good, but evidently things didn't work out that way, buddy... don't bother responding, but if you must, I can promise I will make you feel very stupid... this is your 1st and only warning... to everyone else, thanks for the advice...

[Wildcat21]

Hun - don't listen to Mike ever. He judges and makes stuff up that he has no clue about - this is only advice here. He's a bitter guy over something.