[itit]

This is what worked for me and few other people I have talked to. The site seems to be very pro 'no contact'. My approach was a bit different. I would not tell her you are going to move on. Just give her the vibe you are having fun on your vacation tell her about your trip and be the old fun you. I would try to keep things light but if you guys planned on talking about your situation tonight this is what I would do. Tell her you love her and you want to be with her but you don't want to be with her if she doesn't want to be you. Tell her just want her to be happy. Also say that this break up is probably a good thing because it has given you the chance to reflect on the relationship and see the mistakes you made. Tell her you are going to enjoy the rest of the summer, have fun, save coin (whatever positive things you plan on doing). Take an interest in what she is doing (without getting nosey) not just pertaining to your relationship. Try not to get emotional stay positive and only let the conversation go as deep a she lets it go follow her lead that will help you keep it light.

[Flyguy1784]

Thanks for the advice I will post after the call and let you know what happened I just can't shake the feeling that she is going to come back to me and I want to because I think that will help me with this but maybe I am not supposed to shed that feeling because she tells me she "wants" to come back.

[Flyguy1784]

Well we talked tonight and it went very well I played it cool just like everyone said to do. We talked a little bit about the break and finally she was calm enough to tell me what she was thinking. She told me once again that she is not going out to replace me but doesn't want to rule out the option of dating other people during this break because what would be the point of the break. She also said that she didn't foresee anyone that could compare to me and that any dates she would go on she is afraid she would end up comparing them to me. After we said goodbye I went out to dinner with some friends she ended up calling me left me a voice mail saying "I hope you know I love you I just don't love you in the way I want to love you for us to be in a relationship I know I want to love you in that way and by taking this break I know I will grow to love you more." There were some other things about she has an email that she will send me next week once I am home something that she has put together for the past week of this. I don't know what will come of this but I know that by playing it cool it made a difference. So I don't know what to do next but I think I need to move on but at the same time if she comes back down the road and I am still having the same feelings for her I should give it another chance.

[mckenzie134]

Flyguy I feel for you and I know what you are going through. Holding on to every thread of hope and analysing emails and thinking well she may come back she may not.

I will give you the absolute truth right now. Weather you believe what I tell you or not it is 1000% yes 1000% correct.

What you are currently doing will not work that's right Will not work!! What is happening at the moment is she does not feel the spark for you she loves you know doubt after 4 years you always will love that operson forever. But there's a difference between loving them in a nice way and loving them in a needing way. She doesn't NEED you at the moment aND SHE IS CONFUSED ASA TO WHY BECAUSE SHE can't UNDERSTAND WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO HER FEELINGS WHICH SHE PREVIOUSLY HAD.

Let me tell you what that next email will sound like unless you change your approach. It will say """I love you so much but I just dont feel like i used to feel and I know i will always love you but this is what i have to do for myself to grow,I hope you understand. Love you.""""


In the first two years she was probly worried maybe even longer that you were going to dump her so her interest and love for you was higher. I have been there i went out with a girl who was 18 for 3 1/2 years she was loving me so much and missed me heaps when i wasnt around but as the relationship goes on they gain more confidence and realise you may not be getting ridopf them and that you do love them and instead of being normal these girlsthen start to feel safer with you which is what you seem is a good idea but the problem is since the now have you they then start to wonder what else is out ther and since you are first they know they have you and start to feel like they can venture out . These girlsnormally comeback cause there are a heap of jerks outtherre and they realise what they had. the idea is to never let her feel like she totally has you , I know this sounds bad but thats the way it is with these first relationships. If you understand what i mean whileshe feels so in love and is wondering what your going to do all te etime she cannot think of anything or anyone else caus you occupy her mind all the time. This is for sure what was happening in the beginning ofyour relationship.

Anyway to help you o, because you must not think what i could have done or anyhting like that. IT TIME TO ACT NOW thats right starts now what has happened id done past!

If you want her back you MUST do exactly this cut trhissmall talk outand let it go. It will be so hard but let me tell you listen to what she said she wants to date other guys!!! COME ON MATE WAKE UP.. You tell yourselfas every other guy does well if she goesout and dates some guys she will realise im the one!!! TOALLY WRONG DUDE... Who wants a girl who has to meet other guys to know your the one thats CRAP!!!!!

Put ittis way ifyou really wanted this girl wqould you tink ofmeeting other girlsto know ifshes the one NO WAY MAN you wouldnt risk it.

Next time she calls dont ANSWER, dont answer for sa god dam week are you listening to what shes saying she said """" I know if ispend time apart from you then i will love you the way i want too""""" So listen spendtime away that means no contact at all PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make her feel the void your so close yet so far!! And this is only going to go the wrong way if you don't do this.. You do not need to let her know that your not talking to her anymore you do not need to let her know anything. Don't CALL HER at all!! PLEASE DO WHAT SHE SAYS LET HER MISS YOU!! DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP. Let her discuss it tell her nohing.

Dontaswerfora fewdays and f she messages you tell her your moving on and not waiting around you knowwhat you want and yourve decideyou dontwant to wait around for someone who is unsure tell her yourve thought about it and you don't deserve that sothats it.

DO it it sounds bad but you must show her she can't makedecisions your in chrge that is what she wants she wants the opld guy back who makesher feel like sahe can be replaced at the moment you look like a desperate hanging onto her. Show her your moving on and good luck. Then never call her and if she alls you she wants you if she doent then she doesn't want you. Let me tell you now ifyou keep doing this crap your doing which seems fine it NOT your out I promise you now she willadventually say I jut dontfeel it. YOU MUST MAKE her feel it NON TALKING NO YOU VOID VOID VOID VOID VOID Make her feel the void she will get angry and may say something like well if your not talking why would I bother don't listen to that just say you wanted the break and I don't want tobe stuffedaround tell her you want to be in a relationship with someone who knows whatbtheywant!! DO IT NOW

[Jiser]

Remove the source of your pain for now. That is her. Don't be second best for anyone especially yourself. Your first and last love is yourself. Not saying there isn't someone special out there who won't ever let you down but this one just has.

Accept what's happened and try your best to keep busy. I changed my outlook on life after my breakup. Instead of saying no to people I said yes. Because of that I have had so many good memories and trips away, as well as destroying my bank balance - but that's another story. You must keep busy!! You could try these:

1) Write a list of your short term and long term goals
2) Write a list of all the bad things about your ex
3) Hide away all memories of your ex
4) Notice I say EX
5) Join the gym - exercise releases feel good chemicals, makes you look good, and makes you feel good + you meet a load of nice people
6) Get out in nature
7) Ever wanted to do something in life like travel? Nows the time
8) Flirt with other women - you are free to do as you wish now, so enjoy it, pig out, eat rubbish food (For a bit) watch the film your ex hated but you loved,
9) Go no contact - (very important, you both need time apart to get over the feelings)
10) Stay away from the grapevine, ignorance is bliss
11) She's confused, let her rot in her own confusion, don't become part of it and let it wash over you even more
12) Remember time will heal the wound but you will never forget, the scar will be there for ever, you can choose to move on or stay in the past!
13) You don't need anybody to be happy, the best revenge is to be happy yourself and make improvements for yourself.
14) The more you push on her the more she will pull, so become that fun bubbly person for you not for her! Maybe in the future you will meet again as friend, foe or lover, but for the immediate future you need time apart to reflect on life and start afresh. Accept this as an opportunity.

[Flyguy1784]

Thanks all for the advice I know I need to not contact her and I am going to do that. I think that be me contacting her in the past week I have seen her pull even more. She doesn't want to look at this as over yet on the phone I told her I am going to move on just like she is and that this will be the last time we talk and she got pissed saying she isn't looking at it that way she is looking at it as she just needs space and she wants more then anything to come back and she thinks she will but she said you never know what will happen. I am going to get myself in way better shape during this time I also start my job flying for northwest here in a few months which will cause me to move down to her area and I am going to do everything in my power to make her miss me and think that I am the fun loving guy I used to be.

[Jiser]

No you don't do anything for her to miss you. Its all you from now on not her YOU! Get that in to your head.

Its just you from now on. Who cares what she's doing.

[mckenzie134]

Watever you do don't call don't aswer!! Definitely don't believe anythibg she says like that rubbish line of how I'm not looking at it that way and I think I will be back!! Ive heard iyt all before this is just to make you feellike your still in there she will just keep you dangling and you know what when she says this she isnot being mean she actually believes what she is saying she does not think she's draging youalong mateshe actually doesbelieveshe may be back but if you don't make her realise this then she will jut drag this out and you know what either some other jerk will arrive and teat her crap and she will say how she loves him so much and yoor out then!! So get bust living without her and become a bit of a jerk and se will love you for it. That's riight be unavailable be out don't be there for her HELL she dumoed you your free and you mujst act like there's plenty ofgirls who are going to steal you from her. YOU MUSR CHANGE thisaroud show her that she is going to have to fight to keep you cause the way she is talking at the moment she thinksse is making the decisions.Did you see how when you told her your moving on I bet she gotangry thae only reaon she got angry wasbecauseshe started to worry. That is right you may move on and she will be on her own and she doesn't want tha. So unless you want tobe on your own show her your ocf there are girls who no what they want and they want a great guy likeyou. Shre will realise this when your gone but at the moment she will say things like wellif your moving on then you obiously don't like me enough and if you are a wussy and back down becauseyouthink you might lose her then you probably will. You have to say something like no I just want someone who knows what they want and you said your not sure so I'm justhavingfun an we will see what happens anyway gootago . That's howyou do it you can't be afraid show her your living the life withouther and someone else is going to live it with youNOT HER CHAMP! Se will be running bak wanting to bepart of your life again...

[Flyguy1784]

Thanks for that mckenzie... I will make sure to do that I am looking at this as she isn't coming back because then I will be ready for the worst. I will move on and have a good time and she will see this... I am going skydiving today kind of a little celebration/I can do anything and no one can stop me type event. I will keep everyone updated on what happens thank you all for the advice and if I struggle with this I am coming right back here to let you all talk some sense into me.

[Jiser]

Mckienzie, don't forget to use paragraphs!

Have fun jumping out of the plane.

[itit]

I think if you play it cool that's the best way. No contact is good for sure but I think its best to talk or email occasionally and keep it super casual and don't get deep. This will create good memories ONLY if you can do this with few if any emotional slip ups and give the impression that you are having fun and moving on with your life. Don't ever talk about other girls or ask about other guys and always keep conversations light and fun. I wouldn't say things like “this will be the last time we talk” unless you mean it. Move on have fun and try not to dwell. Not every situation is the same but this is what worked for me.

[Sdjosh]

Wow... this sounds so familiar. Sounds just like my relationship. Same thing happened to me last September.

Trust me... its not you. Like you said, its her first real relationship and she has never felt true independence.

You need to let her go do her own thing right now. She needs to find something that is missing in her life.

So the best advice I can give is to do you. Anyone on this board will tell you that you need to get busy with your life. Make friends... go to the gym... do your hobbies... make new hobbies... get busy making your life the best it can be. I know you are thinking... how the hell do I do that... I feel like sh!t. Well... take it a day at a time and realize that you will get better. That people like me have been through the same things and we are proof that the pain does fade... and your life does get better again.

So Do You!


Here is my breakup... this will help you because I choose a different way to get through it and it worked for me.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...her-93599.html

[talaniman]

All of us go through that phase in life where we want to know if we can have a life that we enjoy without anyone else helping us. It natural, and called growing up.

[Flyguy1784]

Hey everyone skydiving was a blast gave me such a rush. No one can slow me down I have great things ahead of me and if she wants nothing to do with me that's fine. She is going to be missing out and I think she will feel the void very soon. It is still going to be hard to move on but I should be with someone that knows what she wants.

[talaniman]

It is still going to be hard to move on but I should be with someone that knows what she wants.

Confusion is okay for short term dates, but relationships require more than confusion. Flyguy you just found out something you needed to know.

[Flyguy1784]

Yeah I try but even though I am moving on there is still a large part of me that wishes she comes back and feels like she will.

[Lady Baker]

I feel like she just need a little space to figure out her life but she's going through the stage her life were she's trying to find out who she really is in life.

[itit]

Honestly I think you need to make a choice. Do you want to give it a try and get her back? Or do you really want to move on, forget about her and cut off communication? I think the later is easier said then done. If you do choose to try to get back with her that doesn't mean you can't have fun and even date other girls if she is also dating. What you should do is just be supportive with what she is trying to do, don't put any pressure on her and give her lots of space.

[Dana Bandle]

Move on. Forget her unless she comes back & proposes to you on her knees.

[mckenzie134]

Hay mate she isn't confused she just isn't into you at the moment this is for sure. What will happen is you will keep hanging around like a desperate and every lifeline she throws your way you will analyse and think maybe I should call and she will even say stuff like well your not even trying. Well its simple she will say whatever ittakes to provoke you so the best thingyou can do fortwo weks is disapearstop communicting with her if she asks tell her your taking a breakl and you don't really want to talkaboutitatthe moment and you are going to figure out what you want out of life. Let her know this break has opened your eyes to what you want, don't tell her whatyou want let her wonder then sauywell I've goota go an go!! Get lost let her wonder what the hell your thinking now,, Now yopur the one who needs the break andshe woill be the one contacting you...