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39526 · Jul 3, 2007, 05:08 PM

Help!

My neighbor doesn't tell her children that it is bad manners to stare at us when we are in our pool. She also seems to think it is okay for them to ring our door bell and ask if they can swim today. Everyday when we are in our pool they sit on our swing set, (which I told them they could use, big mistake) they do not swing on it, but use it to stare and call over to our family. They say, "HI", every couple of minutes waiting to be invited. I have no problem with any other children in our neighborhood just them and of course they are right next door. I don't want to go in my own pool anymore let alone go outside because they barrage me about using the pool. One day the mom even approached me by asking if I told them if they could go in and when I replied NO, she said well they said you did!! How can I stop this from becoming ugly! I just want them to stay out of my yard and cannot afford to put a fence around our property because I just spent a small fortune putting in patios and a fence around the pool only. Also, I recently spent another 2,000 on an electric fence for my dog, so my husband will just freak out if I now tell him that I want to do the whole property. Please help me so that I can get my message across to them without alienating them as neighbors. My children go to school with them and it is not the kids fault if the parents do not teach them manners.

always_hot · Jul 3, 2007, 06:37 PM

I can't help but laugh but then again I'm not in your situation. I would start saving for thath fence if I were you. I really don't think if you saying anything will help the situation the other mom will probably be offended. Just ignore them as much as you can. Tell them Hi once when they are staring and then don't pay them any attention. Good luck!

39526 · Jul 3, 2007, 08:26 PM

Thanks, but saying Hi once and ignoring them does not work. They come right up to the pool fence area and stick their hands through it pretending to pet the dog, hoping to be invited. They are really cute kids but it is a huge distraction and I am sick and tired of not being able to enjoy my own pool and yard! In addition, her children just walk into my home now, and the youngest who is only 2 years old came into my home the other day and was standing in my kitchen! Then, one of her other children got hurt on my property and I spent 45 mintues making him feel better. I just do not understand why all her children have become my responsibility. I know where my child is at all times and I certainly would not let them swim anywhere without me! I just do not get it.

LettuceBFrank · Jul 3, 2007, 09:06 PM

It is time for a fence. Not only does the mother not have any boundaries, social skills or respect for others, she seems like a People's Court lawsuit waiting to happen!

I applaud your patience and compassion that you have bestowed upon her children. It seems at this time that they are seeking from you what they are not getting at home. As difficult as it may be, you have to put your foot down.

Develop some ground rules with your husband (eg. The children can only come on your property when invited... ).

Rules such as this can be explained in a non-threatening manner to the mother in the context of "I think your kids are wonderful and in our household, safety comes first. To make sure that everyone stays safe, we need to make sure that your kids only come over when they are invited. I'll let you know the next time they come over. Thanks"

NOW FOR THE HARD PART: You have to follow through! When the kids come over uninvited, you have to remind them of the rules and send them directly home, Every time.

A fence still sounds like a good option but the above should happen anyway. When others around us disrespect our personal space, it is our job to establish the boundaries...

Good Luck

39526 · Jul 4, 2007, 07:03 AM

Dear LettuceBFrank,

Thank you so much, this is the perfect answer. You are wonderful!

Fr_Chuck · Jul 4, 2007, 09:32 AM

Sorry, did not notice the second post, incorrect info deleted...

But in the end, kids are kids and this is just what happens, You build a privacy fence and be done with it.

tkrussell · Jul 4, 2007, 09:41 AM

Father, please note she states:

because I just spent a small fortune putting in patios and a fence around the pool only.

And

They come right up to the pool fence area and stick their hands through it pretending to pet the dog

So appears they are in compliance with the typical ordinance of a protection fence at least around the immediate pool.

Perhaps something can be done with the section of existing fence that separates the properties, (short of electrifying it... opps did I say that out loud).

Now as I think of it, would someone need to trespass onto the property to go some distance to get to the pool fence?

39526 · Jul 4, 2007, 11:17 AM

The answer to your question regarding how far do the children have to go in order to get to the fence around the pool is approx. 50 yards.

LettuceBFrank · Jul 4, 2007, 06:43 PM

You are very welcome.

Hang in there:)

daphnye · Jul 13, 2007, 01:26 PM

Originally Posted by 39526

Help!

My neighbor doesn't tell her children that it is bad manners to stare at us when we are in our pool. She also seems to think it is okay for them to ring our door bell and ask if they can swim today. Everyday when we are in our pool they sit on our swing set, (which I told them they could use, big mistake) they do not swing on it, but use it to stare and call over to our family. They say, "HI", every couple of minutes waiting to be invited. I have no problem with any other children in our neighborhood just them and of course they are right next door. I don't want to go in my own pool anymore let alone go outside because they barrage me about using the pool. One day the mom even approached me by asking if I told them if they could go in and when I replied NO, she said well they said you did!!! How can I stop this from becoming ugly! I just want them to stay out of my yard and cannot afford to put a fence around our property because I just spent a small fortune putting in patios and a fence around the pool only. Also, I recently spent another 2,000 on an electric fence for my dog, so my husband will just freak out if I now tell him that I want to do the whole property. Please help me so that I can get my message across to them without alienating them as neighbors. My children go to school with them and it is not the kids fault if the parents do not teach them manners.

I will probably be of absolutely no help here, but I had to chime in. I feel bad for those kids next door. Not because of you, because of their parents, and upbringing. I also have the neighborhood kid that constantly ambushes us to come over and play. But, I do allow it cause she so desperately needs it. Ya, I'm a doormat. :)

joyr36 · Mar 31, 2010, 05:47 PM

If her 2 year old walked away from home and into your kitchen alone or with another child, there is child neglect going on here. For the child's welfare, social services should be notified if this keeps happening. Maybe a row of pine trees or a tall hedge around your property would serve as a barrier and the kids wouldn't know when you are in the pool.

joyr36 · Mar 31, 2010, 05:52 PM

If a 2 year old walks away from home and into your kitchen alone or with another child, this is child neglect. For the child's welfare, social services should be notified.
Maybe a row of pine trees or a tall hedge may serve as a barrier for your property and keep the kids from knowing when you are in the pool.