I need help

lostatbeingastepparent · Jun 28, 2005, 06:47 AM

I have started a new relationship, my boyfriend has a 13 year daughter, I have never had children, him and daughter are living with me. I just don't know what to do, I want to talk to my partner but, I don't want to say any thing that with upset him. I quess what I am asking is how to take on the role of being a step parent.

Lost. :o

dragnflyangell · Jun 28, 2005, 08:32 AM

I have battled this for 10 years its not that I don't love my step kids because I love them like my own. The thing is they are not mine and they have a mother who is one of the nicest people I know. They have always had a hard time getting close to me because I think they didn't want to hurt their mom. Which I understand. Anyway my advice would be try to be a friend and don't try to be a mom to her till she asks for it. I have learned over the years to let the father do the disipline because that just takes some pressure off you having to deal with that kind of stuff. I think it will be a little easier for a woman to conect with a step daughter than it was for me trying to conect with two boys and also easier for you not having any of your own kids to throw in the mix. I want to offer my help any time. I wish you the best of luck. dragnflyangell

lickemlolly · Jun 30, 2005, 05:26 PM

Yes I agree... my son is not quite that old but my fiancé does a great job with him and treats him as if he was his own... you have to look at it this way... its a part of him... if my fiancé had a child from someone else id love the child just like it was my own simply for the fact that remember the child may not be part of you but its part of him and if you love him you'll love the child and treat him/her accordingly

fredg · Jul 3, 2005, 05:27 AM

Hi,
Treat the daughter with respect, and she in turn, will eventually treat you the same. Don't try to treat her as your own, she will probably resent it.
Just be a friend for now, and don't try telling her what or what not to do... leave that up to her father.
Since they are living with you, then any problems you might have with her should be talked over with him first. Let him do any serious talking to her.
Best of luck,
fredg