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SilverSong86 · Jul 1, 2007, 03:47 PM

My ex and I dated for about a year and a half (all but a month of which was long distance.). We'd see each other for about 10 days every 3 months. During that time I stuck with him through his depression and a lot of things that would have driven most away and we developed a really close friendship. We were both going through a lot of really big changes, but we stuck through it all and came out together. Last October he ended it. We'd been having some troubles, but the majority of which were distance related. Anyway, he's decided to move back to where I live if he can get into college out here and unfortunately I never really let go of the relationship because I had a hope that he'd come back and we could try again. I've been living on this hope instead of dealing properly with the break up and now I've found that he thinks of me only as a friend.

Here's what he said about me to a mutual friend (I'm not technically supposed to know this). "I like her, I really do but I think more so as a friend than a lover. She is rather beautiful but the deeper connection on a physical (deep and physical an oxymoron I know) just doesn't seem to present itself. I don't know if she's still into me and I don't want to broach the subject because I don't want to lead her in that direction only to have to reject her later on. there's a slight twinge of liking her but it's not serious. I don't think that I ever really loved her in the first place which is sad and makes me feel like not the greatest person but it's truth and can't be changed. I can certainly see keeping her as a friend but I'm afraid nothing more will come of it; if she still liked me it would not change my feelings but would force me to 'reject' her in a sense. "

Here's the thing. I think we are good together and if we could just have a normal relationship for a while, things would go well. I want to share the good times with him now that we have a chance. He seems to be totally confused about what he wants and he's always said that he doesn't believe in love anymore (he had a really bad relationship before ours that led him to this conclusion). I just want to help him heal this conception and love him. We make a good team; I just want to give the more than friends things a shot now that we can be together in person. He's looking for a new relationship and I'm afraid to lose him to someone else. I want him in my life even if just as a friend, but it's going to be hard for me to watch him date someone else. I seem to match his type quite well and we have a lot of the same interests. Do you guys think I should even give this a shot or just let it go entirely? Thank you for reading this very long post and for any advice!

Dennis777 · Jul 1, 2007, 04:17 PM

Hello.

Sending you a Great Big Hug.. Sorry but you need to let him go. Im sure he was a great friend when you both where in need but as it happens many times once a person is past the point of needing help they find their life moving in a different direction. Don't look at this as being cheated or a waist of time. Enjoy the time you had together and learn from it for your next relationship.

You sound like a very special Lady and I'm sure once you are able to hold your head high and show the world how special you really are your Mr. Right will find you. Until then enjoy yourself and find out who you really are and what you want out of life for you not for anyone else.

Good Luck
Dennis777

Stunning07 · Jul 1, 2007, 05:17 PM

Thres always hope, give it time and space start NC best way to start...

talaniman · Jul 6, 2007, 03:58 PM

It takes two, so even though you think this is a match, he doesn't so move on, and deal with the break up. Find your own happiness and someone will want to share it with you.

poppysue · Jun 16, 2008, 06:03 AM

I am in a situation where after 18 years my partner wants to/ has ended the relationship.
I live on hope and if the word hope works than stay hopeful.#

All the best

JBeaucaire · Jun 16, 2008, 08:51 AM

Your post includes all the key phrases you need to hear and understand:

Here's what he said... "I don't want to...have to reject her later on. there's a slight twinge of liking her but it's not serious. I don't think that I ever really loved her...I can certainly see keeping her as a friend but...nothing more...if she still liked me it would not change my feelings..."

You: "...it's going to be hard for me to watch him date someone else. "

That's it. That's all you need to know. Everything else you wrote is just you being stubborn.

... I think we are good together...
... if we could just have a normal relationship... things would go well.
... I want to share the good times with him...
... He seems to be totally confused about what he wants...
... We make a good team...
... I want him in my life even if just as a friend...
... I seem to match his type...

Fundamentally, I'd have to disagree that ANY of those thoughts are smart or true reality, at least not anymore. It's all in your head.

You get one choice now, be his friend and suffer in silence, or not be his friend and move on completely. Both will be fine as long as you don't sabatoge him in the process. Friends don't do that. If you can restrain yourself and don't mind suffering, sure, hang around. He's being pretty clear.