[Pook_Myster]

My partner and I began our relationship perfectly. First date was brilliant, we got along incredibly well, had / have so much in common and from all indications it was going to be a match made in heaven.

For the first 12 months of our relationship. 'R' experienced bouts of uncertainty about our relationship... not about me specifically - he always did and does maintain that he loves me completely, but for reasons unbenown to me, on a fe occasions he broke up with me - always leaving in tears and saying 'I love you' - which confused me terribly, if he loved me, why was he leaving?

When this happened, I usually demanded an explanation... boys being boys, communication was a little staggered, but eventually we came to the realisation that 'R' had a very low opinion of himself, felt he wasn't good enough for me, or for anyone, wasn't sure where he was going in life, what he wanted. He was living in a flat, which he owned, but it was depressing him, as he's a farm boy, used to wide open spaces and animals all around. I feel that this may have impacted on his decisions too. In addition, he has the belief that his parents see him as a 'tryer' - in that,he tries hard, but just isn't smart enough to make it... his brother on the other hand is the 'smart one' who has made good investment decisions etc. This of course isn't true, but 'R' believes that it is.

Anyway, R brought a new farm, had a new found happiness... and I went to his house warming party, we were broken up at the time, but he invited me. At the party, after sharing a few glasses of bubbly, R informs me that he is 'Going to marry me one day'.

From that, I fought harder to make him realise that his un-happiness was not in our relationship, but in himself - and Alleluia! He saw what I was saying!

Ever since, and that was 14 months ago, we have been living very happily together, we are talking about getting married, and in all honest we are completely besotted with each other...

Just a while ago I replied to someone's post with 'You can't force a relationship, it has to happen naturally, mutually'... and as I wrote it I stopped and thought to myself - will my relationship last? Did I FORCE it, or did I FIGHT for it... and is there a difference?

I'd be interested to see what you all think... sorry that it's so long... I could write so much more but I really should stop...

[Dennis777]

Hello

Your right you can't force your way into a relationship and make it work. BUT in your case I don't see that at all. There was confusion and you both worked through that confusion. Give your relationship 110% and I'm sure you will grow old together on the farm.

Good Luck
Dennis777

[chuff]

I don't see your relationship as forced in any way under any circumstances. If anything it was "under forced." He put effort in then pulled back. It's funny to listen to you tell of the way he was scared about not being good enough. Because he was one of the few in that position that had the courage to speak up and admit what his problems were. Normally, a man or woman would be afraid to admit that they felt inferior to the person they were with to the point of never bringing it up and walking away as he did. What's ironic is that for all the courage he felt he did not have it took him a ton of courage to speak up and admit what his issues were.

He's a lot stronger then he gives himself credit for and if he were to look at the bigger picture he might see that a be a little more comfortable with himself.

[Angel eyes22]

Just enjoy it and don't worry whether it will last or not because that will put a downer on your relationship just enjoy it :D and I know its easier said than done but try