[tiodaat]

Hello,

Next week will mark three months since my ex broke up with me. I am 24, a graduate student, was single for several years before dating my ex. We dated for about 5.5 months.

I've gone on other dates, I've gone to the gym, I've focused on my studies, I've spent time with my friends, I even went to see a psychiatrist last week because I am starting to get so alarmed at how I cannot seem to stop thinking about her.

Per the psychiatrist's advice, I wrote a letter not to be sent to her. In fact, I've written two.

I constantly bring up the subject of my ex to my closest friends and my parents.

I pray every night. I go to Mass every week.

I don't know what to do at this point. I truly feel like I am going crazy. I cannot stop thinking about how I feel about her, and I know I am holding out every hope that we will get back together.

The thing is, there is no hope. While we've talked since the breakup, I've heard from a mutual friend that she feels guilty about it because she is worried about leading me on. I think she has started to date again, as well.

This is completely consuming my life. I know this is not healthy. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[MissingHim2Much]

Hey tiodaat,

I completely understand what you're feeling, I still feel about the same. All the advice I've gotten is all good and I'd like to put it to good use but nothing seems to be working. I do no contact and have since 3 days after he left I do all the suggested things like hang with family and friends but I am still a mess most of the time. It is finally sinking in that he's not coming back but that just makes me feel worse. I at least felt better when I thought he might come back. Now the pain of knowing he is'nt puts me right back where I started.

[hettie]

I know the feeling welll my ex and I split up alomost 5 months ago abnd I still have day where I hope he will be back despite the fact he is seeing someone else we remained friends and although there is o del;iberate contact we talk if we bump into each other if he happens to notice anything about me and comment I take it as a sign but it is not of course and then the hurt starts again I hjpe you feel better soon it will take toime I feel a bit better and even thing of dating but for me it is still a bit too soon good luck

[clarityseeker]

Hey tiodaat, I'm sorry to hear about how the bad feelings are consuming you. I know the feeling. I would first of all recommend reading the sticky (if you haven't already) written by "friend4u" at the top of the Relationships forum. It is, quite simply, an awesome rundown of those dark days after the breakup and helps simply in how much it nails the kinds of things most people feel. You mentioned that "there is no hope." How long have you known this for? I think that this actually a very good thing that you recognize this. I have not been in contact with my ex for 3 months yesterday, but I started to feel a lot better when I lost all hope. Losing all hope is freedom in many ways. Recognize that. I cannot offer you any advice that you couldn't read in a hundred threads on this board. However, forget about strategies to heal for a second and take comfort in the fact that, although it's a cliché, it's at least an objective truth: time will heal all wounds. Find strength in that if you can. You WILL get over this. Time away from her having lost all hope will help, as much as that may not soothe your anxiety and sadness at the present moment. I just hope that you remember to stay away.

[Geoffersonairplane]

it's funny because I can relate to the letter thing. I would get ready to write her a letter if something was wrong. I'd write it and then I'd completely change my mind about how I felt on the matter. I'd erase like half of it or just crumple it up or keep it to myself. I have about ten pages worth of my thoughts and how uneasy I was a long time back when she was being weird... I could never give that to her but I exposed my weakness in that writing and I realized what my weakness was. I LOVED HER LMAO! A personal suggestion would be to write about your thoughts and then re-read them at different times when you're in need of salvation and you'll realized how things have changed since the last time you wrote and reviewed it. In years you may still have these writings and when you begin to lose your way or your "self" You will have something to look back on your past. Often when people write about their thoughts, they see what they were missing the whole time and they correct themselves. When they re read their thoughts its almost like it was written by another person but it is really you seeing yourself from the outside. This will help you get through if you see writing your thoughts as a significant helper to you. And like friend4u178 says "you meant every word", I have to disagree because whenever I write my thoughts down and look it over after I want to edit things that would show to me that I'm not being true to myself. And when I say "myself" I'm trying to imply that these writings should be only for your eyes and you may not want other people looking inside you. And On what Geoffersonairplane said, I have to agree but I speak in different words on his "time heals a broken heart" comment. I say "Take time with a wounded hand because it likes to heal". This saying explains more of what YOU yourself has to do to heal. TAKE time: and give time to realize that it wasn't meant to be if she doesn't want you. Both need to contribute their dedication to a relationship for it to be. And saying "it likes to heal" symbolizes and emphasizes the fact that YOU and YOUR BODY do NOT want to be in this condition. You would like to heal so you can use your hand again, wouldn't you?! You never wanted to feel like this and you couldn't stop your hand from being cut. You slipped and you landed on a piece of glass.It wasn't your fault.Realize that you cut your hand bad and also realize that in life sh*t happens and it hurts but all you can do is wait for it to get better.

That was an incredibly deep and interesting response and this has my thumbs up.. Unfortunately I can't rate you because I need to spread the rep.

[mikehst]

Well I was in an unbelievable relationship that ended for unconventional reasons and it hurts both of us but someone else was getting in the way. I was only with her for 4 months neither of us wanted it to end but there was no way to keep going at this point. I got over it somewhat quick. After that I feel like I can deeply relate to peoples problems and as much as I don't feel like typing it, I want to reach out to the person who was hurt. Listen, I think I'm a visionary or some sh*t because It comes from inside me and hey you won't believe but I'm just a stupid teen age of 15 LOL. This relationship wasn't like any other. I took her from a bad background and changed her life as she changed mine. She opened my eyes to reality and I made her feel like she wasn't worthless like her parents try to make her feel. I feel like I really loved the girl and for that I can put myself in a lot of people's shoes and tell them what I think about their problem. I try to make people realize what I didn't at the time and It hopefully will help people get over it more quick. Thx Geoff...

[tiodaat]

Hello everyone,

I've finally gotten really serious about no contact, although I think it's also partially me finally getting over my ex (will be three months since she broke up with me in a couple days).

That said, I am still saddened by the loss of our friendship, and find myself with strong feelings (love) but a general disinterest in acting on my feelings for my ex.

Once you love someone, will it always be the case that you do, and to what extent does that love still exist?

Thanks.

[Skell]

I think so. But the love just takes a different form. I will always love my ex for many reasons. She was a special person and we spent some very tough times together which I'm sure gave us a bond that will always be remembered.

Now do I love her now the way I did 2 years ago? No.

Its hard to explain but give it time and your strong feelings will die down and you will begin to understand what I'm getting at.

You really should have cut contact by now though. You are making it hard for yourself. Until you do it properly you won't make progress. You just get stuck on the round about.

[tiodaat]

You really should have cut contact by now though. You are making it hard for yourself. Until you do it properly you wont make progress. You just get stuck on the round about.

It had been nearly a month since I had talked with her, and I called her one afternoon the other week. Five days later, she sent me an instant message apologizing "for not getting back to me."

At first, I thought she was ignoring me. That mad me upset, then confused. By the time I finally heard back from her, I realized I didn't really care that much.

I've been thinking about her tonight more than usual, but I still haven't talked to her for more than a few seconds in almost 6 weeks now.

[clearlydissapointed]

I think when you love someone, truly love them it last forever. I'm one of those types that think true love never dies.

[Wondergirl]

I agree. Heartfelt memories and affection can last for over 45 years.

[clearlydissapointed]

I agree. Heartfelt memories and affection can last for over 45 years.

See what I mean, 45 yrs isn't forever but it shows that true love stands the test of time.

[caspercent]

YOU Don't GET OVER IT YOU JUST GET BETTER AT DEALING WITH IT. Love is for ever. You don't get over love you just get better at dealing with your broken hert

[MissingHim2Much]

YOU DONT GET OVER IT YOU JUST GET BETTER AT DEALING WITH IT. Love is for ever. you dont get over love you just get better at dealing with your broken hert

I agree that love lasts forever, if our ex's loved us once do you believe they still do?

[SimoneP]

There will always be a place for them in your heart but it won't be the same as it is now love takes time and also takes time to go away.. so you will overcome this feeling try and keep busy during the days look forward not backwards..

[trueblooe]

Hello everyone,

I've finally gotten really serious about no contact, although I think it's also partially me finally getting over my ex (will be three months since she broke up with me in a couple days).

That said, I am still saddened by the loss of our friendship, and find myself with strong feelings (love) but a general disinterest in acting on my feelings for my ex.

Once you love someone, will it always be the case that you do, and to what extent does that love still exist?

Thanks.

Time heals all wounds however you never ever forget those that you really love

[caspercent]

Yes if your ex truly loved you they always will but that does not mean you are right for each other or that a relationship between you will work. Love from a distance is still love, but you should move on and learn to love another.

[tiodaat]

Hello everyone,

I seem to go in waves of NC. To be fair to myself, I have gotten increasingly serious, or maybe even just more disinterested in my ex, each time I've "started" NC again.

The longest I have gone without any contact has been 20 or 21 days, though.

I find myself about 1.5 weeks into NC again, and exactly three months since we broke up. I felt like I was doing great until this morning. Then BAM! My ex is just on my mind, and I feel like I want to talk with her.

How do I work through these feelings? I am busier than I have ever been since the breakup, but the urge to talk with her just seems to creep up on me every few weeks.

Thank you.

[Ash123]

You are only 10 days into it now.....90 is the baseline for evaluation.
Get a calendar and go 80 days.

Based on what I've read of your posts you need to avoid her at all costs....The contact does not answer questions but brings more...

There is a cool girl who is waiting if you back away. (If there was a question at the breakup that was not covered, you could say that is holding you up. But you have had many "go-backs" so that's not the case.) You need to learn to laugh AND work your way to being with other people/girls...

SO, here's your prescription:

Share these activities if/when you can -
If not, do on your own. But keep your brain OCCUPIED with ANYTHING but her.
Dude, she is going to fade IF YOU LET HER...

Month 1: Rent a movie a night.
Rent fun movies and action movies like: Swingers, and Terminator 2, and Something About Mary, and Old School, Dumb and Dumber and Oceans 11,12, 13 and Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid and when ready for DRAMA: Blade Runner, Seven, and The Usual Suspects... and ask your video guy for the BEST movies when you run out - in that category.

Month 2: Get a Book that is on a subject that has always fascinated you... Read it and find a girl who is interested in it too... Tell her when you meet her that "I was just readng a book on it...." Girls like a brain... Also, be active in this month... Get a trainer you can talk to when you work out... or play a team sport. DON'T ISOLATE. And travel if at all possible - preferably to where the book is about.

Month 3. Same as ABOVE (1,2) But go on at least 3 dates in the month. They can be "day dates" or "friend dates" - with nothing "hot" planned... but retrain your brain to team up again.

After 90 days, you may need to still work, but you should accept that you are REALLY broken up. THEN your brain will help you. Until you really believe, you will fight and regress...

[Zell]

Im trying to do the NC thing at the mo as well, and to be hounest I'm getting exsactly what your getting. Sometimes I'm fine, laughing and joking with my friends and then sometimes and depressed as hell and get serious urges to contact her and say Hi.
But you just got to try and not do it, I know its easier said then done, but its what you got to do. If you chat to her again all those crazy, confused, annoying feelings come back.
As ash said, get some films or books, or even some online games where you get to interact with other people.
Anyway goodluck