[MissLady210]

My ex boyfriend and I were together for eight months. We were/are so in love but we argued too much. We are both very stubborn people. We both are undergoing hard times with family (a death in the family) and work. He asked for a break and I gave it to him. A few days later, I emailed him a date so he can decide. I didn't want to wait forever for his decision. He said he is afraid that things won't change. He also does not like to do certain things such as attend festivals (because of the crowds). He said he doesn't know if he can change and thinks it's unfair to me. He wants to remain friends and I don't think I can. I cannot be friends with someone I love. He is leaving the county for a month. I don't know what is going to happen when he comes back.

Things were getting very serious; he bought an engagement ring. I was going to move into his place. I met his parents. He met my parents. I don't understand why he gave up so easily and if he loves me so much, why did he let me go? Did he just make an irrational decision? Is this it? Does he want to be friends to hold onto me? Please help me understand.:confused:

[Auttajasi]

Arguing generally doesn't get better when two people get married. My point is that you will always argue with someone. The trick is to learn how to argue productively. Yes, it can be done. It's hard work though. Additionally, life is all about undergoing hard times. The great thing about being married is that during these hard times, you can turn to each other for support. If this is becoming a source of contention for your relationship, you might want to look at this carefully.

In my opinion, when a guy say that he doesn't know if he can change, and that it isn't fair to you, this is definitely a cop out. It sounds like something spooked him. You should really look at the few days or so before he said that he wanted a break. This is key to understanding what happened.

You also asked "did he just make an irrational decision?" Um.. yea. He's a guy. Pretty much everything we do can be traced back to irrational thinking. This is life. Something you will understand better when you eventually marry someone.

Just because two people are in love, doesn't mean that they should stay together and get married. You need to be in love and be compatible. You should probably find someone who wants to attend festivals with you, or at least will go with you because you ask him to. This is the mark of a good guy.

Another thing. Your boyfriend will probably second guess his decision. The question you need to answer is whether you will be there if he decides he wants to come back.

Good luck with your decision.

[Bluerose]

Perhaps he thought it was all happening too fast and is quite simply trying to take a few steps back to where he was more comfortable.