Check out some similar questions!

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 01:53 PM

Fiancé gave ring back after a fight, told me to get it cleaned... I briefly asked her the next day if she wanted to pick it up (it's now clean) and she said we'll talk tomorrow... Today is the tomorrow... We talk tonight... I'm not sure whether she is going to put our relationship on the chopping block, the engagement, or if she just wanted to "talk tomorrow"...

Thoughts?

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 01:59 PM

Well I don't really see why she would give you back the ring and tell you to get it cleaned... I wouldn't do that... I would proudly wear the ring and go take it to get cleaned myself... I don't know... Have you guys argued or anything lately? Can you think of anything that has been done or said to make her upset?

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 02:00 PM

Oh OK I seen where you two had a fight but how serious was the fight? Was it a petty little fight? Maybe she's just being stubborned

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:03 PM

OK... sorry... I forget you are new on here...

We've been arguing about ridiculous stuff for a while... She always brings up past things that aren't much of an issue now... She is constantly in a negative mood... She works too much... Now with all that said, there are brief glimpses into what we had, but it always comes before the storm of arguing... We are very different people... I'm a city guy that enjoys playing on the computers, local sports, sex, and emotion and conversation... She is a countr gitl that enjoys horses, the opposing team I like in local sports, minimal sex, and shows little emotion in our conversations...

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:05 PM

I tell her she always appears to want to get into it over something, argue, or be in a bad mood... I hate it... I'm always trying to cheer her up, say or do something for her to make her smile... I love her, but don't know if we are at an end because of this... She doesn't seem to see herself as the problem maker, she doesn't see her depression... I am not perfect, but I've caused relatively few problems in our relationship (contrary to her beliefs I guess)...

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 02:11 PM

Well I use to be like that.. I use to start arguments all the time just to make the other person not to be around me... I figured if I did that then he would then call it quits... But nope that didn't work it just made him want to be around me more... Thats when I had to call it quits... It sounds like she is stressed and needs somet ime to relax... AND WHEN THE PAST IS BROUGHT UP THAT REALLY SUCKS! That's what my "boyfriend" not at the present time... does to me... We can argue about something then all of a sudden something that happened 2 months ago is thrown into the situation.. I just sit there like where did that come from... For some people its hard to forget about the past... Some people can't move on..

clueless_19 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:15 PM

Wow. Suddenly my issues seem really unimportant lol. It seems to me like she doesn't know what she wants. I just don't see the point of giving you the ring "to clean it" though if she wants to break up. If she wanted to end it, I think she just tell you when she gave you the ring instead of making up a silly excuse unless she's really afraid of confrontation. I hope it works out for you. It sounds like you really love her.

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:16 PM

So what do you think she is going to do tonight when she calls? Break up with me, put our engagement on hold but stay together, just talk? Now on my side, I DO love her... I am not happy though.. She hasn't been giving me what I want or need in the relationship for months now... She has said some sweet things over the time we've been together, as well as done sweet things, but she (at the end of the fight) compared me to an abusive boyfriend of her past... She also said, I made her feel forced into sex because I want to make love to her at least 3 times a week... We've been averaging 2 times a MONTH! I've been with her for 1yr 6mo... Engaged 6mo

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:17 PM

Thanks for the compliments!

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:17 PM

Appreciate your responses...

clueless_19 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:22 PM

Does she normally have "talks" with you? If you haven't been happy with the relationship and she's emotionally and physically unavailable, and everything you've tried has failed, then maybe, even if she does end it, its better for the both of you. From what You've said, she seems like she's having personal issues that maybe need to be resolved before she can REALLY commit to you in every way.

I don't know her style of arguing or anything, or if she often tries to leave you little "clues" instead of actually telling you what's wrong, but I personally think that, when someone wants to end an engagement, they're more confrontational about it. I mean, it isn't something that can really be done gradually.

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:27 PM

The thing is, I go out of my way to try to take care of her (which she doesn't really like because she says she's independent)... I also put myself through these mood swings, her tired-ness because she works way way way too much, and so on... I love her a lot, that is the only thing that I think is keeping me with her, other then the occasional GREAT days we have together... The bad to good ratio has been 3 to 1 for the last 3 months... Before that, it was the opposite...

She doesn't like confrotation a lot, but will talk if I say the right things... She has never been very much into working the things out when we argue... I always want to work things out and never leave angry...

The ring... She was DUE for a ring cleaning and was supposed to clean it that day (prior to the fight)... So yes, she wanted to get it cleaned... BUT... I don't know if she wants it back because of the way things have been... Should I stay with her if she says she doesn't want to wear it right now? What else do you all think?

clueless_19 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:32 PM

If she says it in those words ("i dont want to wear it RIGHT NOW") then I Think its worth it to wait for her to deal with things... just don't wait too long because that's unfair to you. I just don't think its fair to demand that she commit NOW even if she isn't ready, that should be a two person decision... If she needs time, give it to her. Keep in mind though that she hasn't said that yet. She just asked you to get her ring cleaned.

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:36 PM

Well when I sneakily asked her last night (in our very brief conversation) if she would like to get her sparkily ring back, she said we'll talk about that tomorrow... That made me think... If she doesn't want to wear it "right now" until things are right, then that is a slap in the face to me I think... I mean I've done everything for her and she has found fault in the most minor of things with us and more importantly has been angry with things that I consider normal in a relationship (i.e - regular sex)... I just don't know what to expect or what I myself should do you know?

clueless_19 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:48 PM

I just reread all your posts on this topic and I really don't see why you are still in this relationship anyway. From what I've understood, SHE seems a bit abusive to you. I mean, right now, you're worrying and obsessing over this thing, and you probably worry all the time when you guys fight, as shown by the fact that you always want to work it out... She hasn't committed to you like you've committed to her. Only she knows what you can expect to hear tonight. If she said "we'll talk about that tomorrow", then maybe she won't want to take it back. But that doesn't mean you should fall into depression or worry as much as you have been. If the relationship has become stale and she doesn't want to work on it, then maybe it would be better if she did end it. If someone isn't willing to work on a relationship, then they shouldn't be in it.

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 02:53 PM

She does do some good things for me... She's not ALL bad... The "i love u" messages by phone, the comment on how she is working so much so we can spend time together at her place when she gets one (she currently lives way out of town with uncle and aunt)...

She just seems so angry and depressed and just when I think her life view is changing for the better, she goes and ruins it by getting us into an unwanted argument...

I love her and many parts of me want to be with her because of that love, but many parts of me are saying runf or the hills!

I also find myself comparing the poorness of or our relationship as of late to other people that look at me (female) and smile as if I'm a great guy they would like to get to know... It really makes me wonder...

Chameleon · Jun 24, 2007, 02:58 PM

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. Sometimes I do the same thing. We got to the point where we were seriously considering divorce. I love my husband deeply, so we are now working our hardest on comprimising. He had the same complaints about sex.
Maybe the two of you need to seriously sit down and talk about what each of you wants. I hope everything works out.

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 03:02 PM

Thanks Chameleon for your post... I've tried talking to her and it usually doesn't get me anywhere... She is (self admitted) extremely stubborn and stuck in her ways... I think she had such a bad past with guys, and relationships with other individuals, that she is deeply scarred because of it... The problem is, she doesn't really realize this... We can't really resolve problems because the resoluations or compromises don't usually work... I wish so bad I could get her to see how things really are, but I honestly am at a lost as if that will ever happen... I've been committed to her and have tried really hard, but for every step I take forward, I lose two in the process of battling her issues.

Chameleon · Jun 24, 2007, 03:11 PM

Sorry to hear that. It took me to almost losing my husband to finally 'see the light'. I've had bad relationships before too. The scars never go away, but they should get better with time. She may be the type who it will take almost losing you to make her change, but I hope not.

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 03:17 PM

If we don't make it... She is so stubborn that I think she would rather have her pride then realize what she has going on with herself... HOW do I get her to see what the real problem is? I mean we could have a pretty good, not perfect relationship if she was to get some professional help (talk to someone or get some medication for the depression that she obviously has)... What should I say to her if she says I don't want to wear that ring right now, but we are still together? Should I take that or should I leave? I really am at a loss as what I should do for myself and what I should do for her.