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RonnieS · Jun 21, 2007, 07:10 PM

Hello!
I have recently discovered that my wife has a long term affair with her co-worker who fathered 3 of 4 of the children who were born in our marriage.The children are 12,10,8 and 5 years of age and I am a father of 8 yo only.Do I have any rights to disestablish my paternity and to sue them for reimbursement and emotional damages?
Thank you in advance.

froggy7 · Jun 21, 2007, 08:12 PM

Do you really want to abandon your 12, 10, and 5 year old child? Or what, exactly, do you think will be your role in their life if you get paternity disestablished?

From a legal viewpoint: I think it depends a lot on your state and how they define fatherhood. In some states, you ARE their legal father.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 21, 2007, 08:18 PM

It will as noted depend on your state, in several US states, if you are listed as the father on the birth certificate, and do not challenge it within so many years, you can not, and from a legal view point will be considered the father even havving to pay child support if you split.
* not right, not fair, but the law in several US states.

But you do have the right in many states, to have a DNA test and to prove you are not the father. But if you have been their father for 8 to 12 years, for the sake of the child, does it really matter, a father is the one there to pick them up, to teach them to ride the bike.

nya · Jun 21, 2007, 08:22 PM

I feel you should pursue this in family court. You will need to get an order signed by a judge stating you are not the father of the three children who are not yours. They should be named specifically and their birth dates. It should also state the name and birthdate of the child who is yours. Reimbursement is another issue that I'm not sure of. You would have to address it in family court.

But you don't give much information, how do you know those children are not yours. Did you guys have paternity tests done? Or did your wife just tell you that? If its something she pobably just said to you, then the most logical thing to do is have DNA testing done to know for sure which kids are and are not yours. Please give more information.

RonnieS · Jun 21, 2007, 09:08 PM

I am in California. I feel very very duped myself.Now my spouse is preparing to move to her lover and in this way I have to pay more than 50 per cent of my income to their natural father as child support for his children.

Originally Posted by nya

But you don't give much information, how do you know those children are not yours. Did you guys have paternity tests done? Or did your wife just tell you that?

Both!!

nya · Jun 21, 2007, 09:31 PM

Are you guys divorced yet? If not, you can have the paternity tests entered as evidence in the divorce case and have the judge order you to pay child support for one child. This is not a difficult situation. I see it all the time. Have you filed for a divorce or has she? If you have, just present the evidence to the judge and your order will state there was only one child born of the marriage and then child support will be ordered for that child.

If neither of you have filed for a divorce, then you should. Because if she goes to a local child support office, she can pursue child support against you. Or she can name the other guy and have him pay child support even though she was married to you.

Please give more info because you state you will pay 50% of your income, has she gone to child support already? If so, you can initiate the divorce and a divorce order will supercede any othe order (at least in Florida in regards to child support). I don't see the issue of you paying child support for another man's children an issue at all because you have the evidence to prove you are not the father. All you need to do is initiate the court action to get things moving. Contact an attorney if you want or petition the court on your own if you are familiar with how to do so in your state.

froggy7 · Jun 22, 2007, 05:21 AM

Originally Posted by nya

Are you guys divorced yet? If not, you can have the paternity tests entered as evidence in the divorce case and have the judge order you to pay child support for one child.

Do consider the flip side of this coin. Once you have it established that you are NOT the father of those other three kids, you will have no rights with regard to them. You will not be given visitation with them, you will not have a say in how they are raised, you will not have any right to see them if they become sick and are hospitalized, etc. Can you really handle going over to pick up the 8-year-old for visitation and having to tell the other three kids that they don't get to come with because you aren't their daddy?

RonnieS · Jun 22, 2007, 05:44 AM

Originally Posted by froggy7

Do consider the flip side of this coin. Once you have it established that you are NOT the father of those other three kids, you will have no rights with regard to them. You will not be given visitation with them, you will not have a say in how they are raised, you will not have any right to see them if they become sick and are hospitalized, etc. Can you really handle going over to pick up the 8-year-old for visitation and having to tell the other three kids that they don't get to come with because you aren't their daddy?

Froggy7, you can't understand... These three kids were already informed that they will live with their TRUE father... You offer to me to pay $1,700 a month only to have VISITATION:(

GV70 · Jun 22, 2007, 05:54 AM

Originally Posted by RonnieS

Hello!
I have recently discovered that my wife has a long term affair with her co-worker who fathered 3 of 4 of the children who were born in our marriage.The children are 12,10,8 and 5 years of age and I am a father of 8 yo only.Do I have any rights to disestablish my paternity and to sue them for reimbursement and emotional damages?
Thank you in advance.

California law separates fathers into two categories, the presumed father and the alleged father. If the birth mother is married (or the baby was born within 300 days of her divorce), her husband (or ex-husband) is the “presumed” father of the child. In addition, a man is “conclusively presumed” to be the father if he is both married to and living with the mother when the baby is born so long as he is not impotent or sterile. A father can also be a presumed father if he took the child into his home, supported the child, and held the child out to be his own. Lastly, a man is also “presumed” to be the father if he signs a voluntary declaration of paternity stating he is the “biological father of the child”

A legal presumption is believed to be true by the court unless evidence shows otherwise (rebutted.) Typically, a court will not hear arguments stating that a “conclusive” presumption is false. However, an exception is made in the area of parentage. A “conclusively presumed” father can have the presumption challenged with blood or DNA tests showing that the father is not the biological father so long as the challenge and the tests are conducted within TWO years of the child’s birth.

LadyB · Jun 22, 2007, 06:18 AM

Can judges not choose to allow visitation, in the best interests of the child, even if he is not established as the father for child support purposes? Grandparents can sometimes get visitations due to "best interests" why not a formerly presumed father?

Ronnie, have you considered fighting for custody of all three yourself, and letting your wife pay you child support? Many fathers are receiving custody these days. You have an established relationship with those kids, presumably you love them though understandably you are hurt and angry right now. Anyway it's not their fault you're not their bio-father or that their mother is a liar... you are the only father they know and maybe they would be better off with you.

On a related note, is there any precedence for pressing fraud charges or filing a civil suit for damages in cases like this? Surely this is not the first time this has happened.

GV70 · Jun 22, 2007, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by LadyB

Can judges not choose to allow visitation, in the best interests of the child, even if he is not established as the father for child support purposes? Grandparents can sometimes get visitations due to "best interests" why not a formerly presumed father?.

Maybe only limited visitation-for 3 to 12 months... but no one can force the formerly presumed father to have visitation.

Originally Posted by LadyB

Ronnie, have you considered fighting for custody of all three yourself, and letting your wife pay you child support? Many fathers are receiving custody these days. You have an established relationship with those kids, presumably you love them though understandably you are hurt and angry right now. Anyway it's not their fault you're not their bio-father or that their mother is a liar...you are the only father they know and maybe they would be better off with you..

Not sure -the kids were informed that he is not their ONLY father.

Originally Posted by LadyB

On a related note, is there any precedence for pressing fraud charges or filing a civil suit for damages in cases like this? Surely this is not the first time this has happened.

Yes-there are some... 3 or 4:D :D :D So called Public policy prohibits claims against mothers for fraud and reimburcement/ God to save the legislators,judges and their feminist overlords!! :cool: /

LadyB · Jun 22, 2007, 09:32 PM

Originally Posted by GV70

Maybe only limited visitation-for 3 to 12 months...but no one can force the formerly presumed father to have visitation.

Oh no, not force. I just meant if he wanted continued visitations, even if he is no longer considered the legal parent and all rights and responsibilities are given to the bio dad, could it be allowed?

GV70 · Jun 22, 2007, 11:08 PM

Originally Posted by LadyB

Oh no, not force. I just meant if he wanted continued visitations, even if he is no longer considered the legal parent and all rights and responsibilities are given to the bio dad, could it be allowed?

Up to one year-for 2-3 hours a week.

Examples of the legislation and court practice:
1.California has adopted the UPA - it means disestablishment can occur up to 2 years after a child was born
2.A very good case in Florida-Sixteen months after his divorce, Richard Parker made a devastating discovery. A DNA test revealed that his 3-year-old son had been fathered by someone else.Mr. Parker immediately filed a lawsuit claiming fraud by his apparently unfaithful ex-wife. He took his case all the way to the Florida Supreme Court. The Florida justices ruled 7-0 against him. They said that Parker must continue to pay $1,200 a month in child support.His court-ordered payments would total more than $200,000 over 15 years to support another man's child.
"We find that the balance of policy considerations favors protecting the best interests of the child over protecting the interests of one parent defrauded by the other parent in the midst of a divorce proceeding," writes Justice Kenneth Bell for the court.

'We recognize that the former husband in this case may feel victimized," he writes. He then quotes a scholar to explain the ruling: "While some individuals are innocent victims of deceptive partners, adults are aware of the high incidence of infidelity and only they, not the children, are able to act to ensure that the biological ties they may deem essential are present."
In effect, the high court is saying it's partly Parker's fault for trusting his wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now,In addition to Florida, Ohio, Georgia, Maryland, Alabama, Indiana, Virginia, Arizona, and Wyoming have laws allowing ex-husbands to overturn a child-support order when deception or fraud by an ex-wife is discovered, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. By contrast, most other states set a one- to four-year deadline for fathers to file lawsuits challenging paternity determinations.Family court judges aren't interested in fostering a continuing relationship between men and the children of their ex-wives, says Carnell Smith, who runs a DNA-testing company and is founder of Atlanta-based US Citizens Against Paternity Fraud. "The court is only concerned about financial payments.Judges generally view the man in a divorce proceeding as nothing more than a "walking checkbook," he says.

The man has to prove the fraud/Fraud: noun: something intended to deceive; deliberate trickery intended to gain an advantage , noun: intentional deception , noun: a person who makes deceitful pretenses /.It is enough for a woman to say to the judgethat she honestly believed the child is genetically her husband's... and the judge will decide that No fraud was committed.

RonnieS · Jun 23, 2007, 02:01 AM

Originally Posted by GV70

1.California has adopted the UPA - it means disestablishment can occur up to 2 years after a child was born

I am afraid of UPA-I can be forced by the court to pay a half of my income as a child suport to the natural father :eek: My lawyer said that in my case I have NO right to put the paternity question...

The second-if I put the paternity question-I have no right for reimbursement... I may have right if the natural father wants disestablishment.