[mckenzie134]

Hi ,

I thought id drop in and hoping I can just help out one poor bloke or girl on here who gets dumped if they care to listen.

Firstly mentioned many time as soon as you are put on a break take it as exactly that a break beteryet take it as its over! Break up. This does not leave you in limbo and this sets the person dumping you straight!!

Nowwhat people fail to realise when there isa break in therelationship everyone seems to think the person who dumped you doesn't care, well a lot of the times maybe they have realised before they broke itoff that they wernt tha into you and they found someone else. But in some situations maybe they just drift out of love.

The person who dumps you they go away and well maybe for a couple of days they are OK but yes it does hit them they no longer have you as a part of there life. Maybe they will miss you and come back maybe they won't. But think of it like this if you are hanging around what chance are you giving your dumper to think of you and think of all the good times you guys spent together...

If they don't return you will already be slowly recovering. But that is not what peple want to hear on here they want to here how ti get them back and tat is naturally what everyone almost wants a quick fix.

Well this is possible but giveyourself every opportunity don't talk to the ex because yes they are tinking of you they will have memories eveyone does. They will move on more quick but that is because you thedumee is holding false hope. They wanted to break up so do that straight away.

I ave also heardmany times , if you wan you can contact them in a month and see what they are doing, well so many people make excses for the dumpersfor why they may not be calling like saying they want and love me but don't want to call back cause maybe they don't think I want them.

Well ifthey really want you they will call. Listen here when your breakup occurs you must finish it with well if that's what you want then there's not much I can do about it, you're the one who wants this so you an have your break up I'm not putting up with that.

Its simple they wantedthe breakthat is what you must give them to give yourself every opportunity, this is the hardest thing to do cause they will throw you smeall lifelines in the hope of holding onto you. Wal straight away sit down and cry and say to yourself I don't want to be withsomonewhodoes not want to be with me and until they do I won't worry about it.

He simple fact is if they don't want you not much you can do about t although 99% of people will try something thinking they can get them back.

But in the end how good would it be if you do nothing walk away from the relationship upset but telling yourself they didn't want me and then 3 weeks later they call saying I miss you and have made a mistake...

This is why you walk away and remenmber one thing your ex does think of you on those lonely nights. So there is ope for you yet but don't hold onto that give yourself the best chance and leave immediately.

My final point is this, if you dumped someone sit back andthink what would make you take them back. Probably nothing. That's because you are thinking right now if I dumpedsomeone why would you do that because you don't really want them. But you know what when you know longer have them that is when you may realise that they are the one that you want!!

So leave it be straight away and I hope someone tries this and they may win themback.

T Have done this 8 months ago I got dumpedfor two weeks I went straight to OK gave her some clothes and said take care of yourself.

She rang two weeks later and wanted to try aain and said how much she had been missing me. Well she dumpedme 6 months later and hats over.So you must also realise that if you get dumped once it probably won't work unless you fiure out what you need to do to keep it to work.

But this will definitely give you the best chance I've done it before...

[tammywatkins]

Hi ,

I thought id drop in and hoping i can just help out one poor bloke or girl on here who gets dumped if they care to listen.

Firstly mentioned many time as soon as you are put on a break take it as exactly that a break beteryet take it as its over! break up. This does not leave you in limbo and this sets the person dumping you straight!!!

Nowwhat people fail to realise when there isa break in therelationship everyone seems to think the person who dumped you doesnt care, well alot of the times maybe they have realised before they broke itoff that they wernt tha into you and they found someone else. But in some situations maybe they just drift out of love.

The person who dumps you they go away and well maybe for a couple of days they are ok but yes it does hit them they no longer have you as a part of there life. Maybe they will miss you and come back maybe they wont. But think of it like this if you are hanging around what chance are you giving your dumper to think of you and think of all the good times you guys spent together...

If they dont return you will already be slowly recovering. But that is not what peple want to hear on here they want to here how ti get them back and tat is naturally what everyone almost wants a quick fix.

Well this is possible but giveyourself every opportunity dont talk to the ex because yes they are tinking of you they will have memories eveyone does. They will move on quicker but that is because you thedumee is holdin false hope. They wanted to break up so do that straight away.

I ave also heardmany times , if you wan you can contact them in a month and see what they are doing, well so many people make excses for the dumpersfor why they may not be calling like saying they want and love me but dont want to call back cause maybe they dont think i want them.

Well ifthey really want you they will call. Listen here when your breakup occurs you must finish it with well if thats what you wnat then theres not much i can do about it, your the one who wants this so you an have your break up im not putting up with that.

Its simple they wantedthe breakthat is wat you must give them to give youself every opportunity, this is the hardest thing to do cause they will throw you smeall lifelines in the hope of holding onto you. Wal straight away sit down and cry and say to yourself i dont want to be withsomonewhodoes not want to be with me and until they do i wont worry about it.

he simple fact is if they dont want you not much you can do about t although 99% of people will try something thinking they can get them back.

But in the end how good would it be if you do nothing walk away from the relationship upset but telling yourself they didnt want me and then 3 weeks later they call saying i miss you and have made a mistake.....

This is why you walk away and remenmber one thing your ex does think of you on those lonely nights. So there is ope for you yet but dont hold onto that give yourself the best chance and leave immediately.

My final point is this, if you dumped someone sit back andthink what would make you take them back. Probly nothing. Thats because you are thinking right now if i dumpedsomeone why would you do that because you dont really want them. But you know what when you know longer have them that is when you may realise that they are the one that you want!!!

So leave it be straight away and i hope someone tries this and they may win themback.

T Have done this 8 monts ago I got dumpedfor two weeks i went straight to ok gave her some clothes and said take care of yourself.

She rang two weeks later and wanted to try aain and said how much she had been missing me. Well she dumpedme 6 months later and hats over.So you must also realise that if you get dumped once it probly wont work unless you fiure out what you need to do to keep it to work.

But this will definately give you the best chance ive done it before...

You know this morning I woke up thinking sometimes it is just so hard to get out of bed in the morning and get myself to work because as soon as I open my eyes all I can think about is him and pain kicks in...

And all I could think of is how easy it was for him to move on whilst I struggle to even stomach food... Mckenzie you said an ex thinks about you, and I wish that was the case.

My ex moved back home last week and its been parties, boys nights, planning boat trips galore and even checking out properties to buy... I don't even think I have passed through his head once... do you really think an ex does think about you? And do you really think they might think they have made a big mistake?

Most importantly if they think they made a mistake would pride, burnt bridges hold them back from doing something?

My ex seems to be so fine and carefree since the split and me.. well I am on the complete other side of the scale.

[Jiser]

Ex's are ex's for a reason, best get a life alone. Do not think of reconciliation because chances are its not going to happen. If you were cheated on and you were good in the relationship then you have nothing to fear, as you did no wrong. So move on and enjoy life because every second wasted is one which will never be back.

Yes an ex does think of you, maybe not every day but there will always be memories. Do you still remember your 1st grade school teacher? Do you remember happy memories from your childhood? You remember that friend who you haven't seen for so many years? Yes of course you do. However the ex might have someone new now, is living life. Which is what you should be doing.

[diya]

I agree with Jiser... EX's do think of you. Sometimes it's the ego that does not let reconciliation happen... but as just they have moved on.. so should you... u have no option as ex who has moved on is not going to come back and it's futile waiting to revive a dead leaf... ummm!

[Jiser]

The more days which go past I realise what a waste of space my ex was so should you all to. Plenty more fishes in the sea, when your married your wish you had done more when single. Nows your chance! The world is yours, go see, conquer and get the cheap tourist t-shirt :)

[dreamguy]

I believe dumpers do think about you more when you are not lingering around in contact. Some dumpers may put on a phony act faking like they are OK and never think about you.

They do such a good job of faking like they are over you that you can't help but believe it. Just as it is possible for the dumpee to fake being over the breakup the dumper can also fake it as well.

I don't believe it's possible to get over someone that was a huge part of your life for 2+ years. If it was a long term relationship they will not forget you overnight.

The chances of reconciliation are not as rare as you think but the chances of that reconciliation lasting as a healthy happy relationship is very rare like 3%.

Breaking up and getting back together is common but staying back together in a healthy way is rare. Most reconciliations either lead to another breakup or an unhappy marriage. Statistics show that 50% of marriages end in divorce. 50% of marriages do not.

Out of all the marriages that last forever about 80% of those marriages suffer a breakup or separation of some sort. That leaves only 20% of marriages that are happy and healthy. So what does that say about your chances of reconciling with your ex? It's about 80%.

Keep in mind that marriages are harder to break up and harder to put back together than long term relationships outside of marriage are.

[Rochelle76]

My ex dumped me, then called me when I wouldn't initiate anymore contact w him after two weeks; called me even more when he realized I wasn't taking his calls; then when he finally got me on the phone, bragged so much about how great his life was and then told me he was seeing someone...

Why? I don't know that one... except it was a classless act and meant to hurt me even more even though he dumped me! I told him after that that he could no longer contact me and he'd lost me as a friend and more for good... he emailed me a few days later to admit that in actuality nothing is going right and he's getting his kharma and is sorry for losing me... now it's day 10 of NC totally and I'm having major withdrawal... like starting over.

Sure, I wonder if your ex is thinking of you... he worked so hard to keep in touch w/ me after he dumped me... now I find out he's doing really bad, sliding way backwards... and a part of me wonders if its' because of what he chose and for totally losing me... I'm hurting so bad, and I just wonder if he's thinking of me more now that he can't just pick up the phone and call me and hear my voice... I wonder if it's worse for him now, if I'm on his mind even more... has anyone been through something like this... dumper or dumpee?

[mckenzie134]

If he wanted to he would pick up the hone. No matter what if people want yo they will pick up the phone nothing will hold them back from contacting you if they want you back.

[Rochelle76]

You are right of course... I guess I just wondered if he thought of me and if it was hard on him not to call... since he called so much and even more so just before I told him he was basically scum of the earth and he could never speak to me again... it's been hard on me and I wasn't even the one calling in the first place... thx.

[Skell]

There aren't many example of ex's getting back together and it working.

Bad idea in my opinion! Im yet to see an example of it in my time here at AMHD!

[dreamguy]

There arent many example of ex's getting back together and it working.

Bad idea in my opinion! Im yet to see an example of it in my time here at AMHD!!

This forum is not a general consensus of how relationships work. I'm sure exes do get back together but they are so busy being happy that they are back they don't have time or even think of coming back here to tell us about it. That's how selfish some people can be.

[dreamguy]

My ex dumped me, then called me when i wouldn't initiate anymore contact w him after two weeks; called me even more when he realized i wasn't taking his calls; then when he finally got me on the phone, bragged so much about how great his life was and then told me he was seeing someone....

Why? I don't know that one...except it was a classless act and meant to hurt me even more even though he dumped me! I told him after that that he could no longer contact me and he'd lost me as a friend and more for good....he emailed me a few days later to admit that in actuality nothing is going right and he's getting his kharma and is sorry for losing me....now it's day 10 of NC totally and i'm having major withdrawal....like starting over.

Sure, i wonder if your ex is thinking of you....he worked so hard to keep in touch w/ me after he dumped me....now i find out he's doing really bad, sliding way backwards...and a part of me wonders if its' becuase of what he chose and for totally losing me...i'm hurting so bad, and i just wonder if he's thinking of me more now that he can't just pick up the phone and call me and hear my voice...I wonder if it's worse for him now, if i'm on his mind even more....has anyone been thru something like this...dumper or dumpee??

Usually when exes call you to brag about how great their lives are it's usually because they are torn up inside. So don't believe it. That was a stupid move on his part and it backfired on him. He loses all credibility when he does that.

I would not have told him not to contact you anymore. Instead I would have just stopped taking his calls or change your phone number.

[Skell]

This forum is not a general consensus of how relationships work. I'm sure exes do get back together but they are so busy being happy that they are back they don't have time or even think of coming back here to tell us about it. That's how selfish some people can be.

Ok, well I will go beyond this forum since I do have a 'real' life too. But only once in my life have I seen a couple get back together and it work. And even that relationship is debatable as far as calling ti healthy goes. In fact I would say they reconciled out of sheer desperation and nothing else.

And when I say successful reconciliation I don't just mean back for a few months or so before a mutual breakup occurs. I mean a happy and healthy relationship that was different to the first time around that failed for one reason or another.

I just don't see it. Never have and it will take some convincing from you to make me believe otherwise.

But of course I'm not saying ti doesn't happen. It does. Just not too often and only when both people change their ways for the better.

[pulpfiction]

Yes Rochelle76 I'm passing through that, after a 4year relationship, and an engagement! Haha, sometimes I'm fine, someties I just want to cry, like today, he told me he had a date, because my words of "it's over and that i would go out withmy good friend" gave him the courage to phone this girl! Even I still love him with all my heart, I wish to not come back together with him anymore, it will be hard, but I know I will succeed! I MUST, is not healthy to be with someone who mistreats you so bad, and can't keep promises, but more than that, is not healthy to be with someone who enjoys your pain and suffering. I think: If he dated this girl, by just a phone call it means 2 things: the girl expects to have something with him, and 2 he aked her phone while he was still with me,so he was flirting and thought at some point going out with her while he was with me, both things tell me, he wasn't so in love with me. So why to lose more time thinking about a person who never cared my feelings!?

MOVE ON ROCHELLE76! I WILL DO THE SAME

[Jiser]

The more days which go past the more I don't want to go back. In fact really the things I miss are just the intimacy, the feeling of being close to another human being rather than her.

Who knows what the future holds but I know what's healthier and I think most people here know that deep down to.