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simian · Jun 19, 2007, 07:57 PM

I know someone (casually) whose live-in boyfriend has been cheating on her for several months (as in a 7-month relationship with someone else, not just a one-time thing). I really don't know her well, the boyfriend is a coworker of mine. A lot of people know about his relationship with this other woman, but somehow in all of this time, the girlfriend has not found out.

Because I don't know her, I am obviously not going to get involved, but the whole situation got me thinking- if you were in her situation, would you want to know? Would it make a difference if a whole bunch of other people had known all along and no one had clued you in?

Kattalover · Jun 19, 2007, 08:07 PM

While I wouldn't want to know about it if my husband had a tryst here or there, I would definitely want to know if he was cheating on me - and having another woman on the side for several months is cheating.

I would be furious if I found out that people around me knew about this and didn't tell me. Talk about humiliating! :mad:

nauticalstar420 · Jun 19, 2007, 08:07 PM

I would want to know. If its been going on for 7 months, it more than likely won't stop. By her not finding out, he has realized he can get away with it. Its not fair to her by any means. Someone should tell her, even if its anonomously.

shygrneyzs · Jun 19, 2007, 09:13 PM

One can say they want to know but when they find out, it is like, "omg no, this can't be true, why are you lying to me?" I figure that it is not anyone's duty to go and tell this woman. Or go and tell the other woman.

However, if someone does tell this woman, it should not be anonymous - anonymous news like that does not give it much credibility. Honest, having been in those shoes. If someone is serious enough to worry, then that person should be serious enough to go and tell the woman what is going on. With details - not just, "hey, your partner is fooling around."

If you don't want to do that, then go and talk to the guy having the relationships. Tell him what you know and tell him that unless he makes one of the relationships honest, you will go to both women with the information. Make sure you give a strict deadline. Great if you have your conversation with him taped. Then play it for the women.

Dennis777 · Jun 19, 2007, 09:26 PM

Hello.

The first thing is how do you know he is really cheating on her. Is your information work place gossip or have you seen him with the other Lady and not just in the same car or going to lunch.

If it was me I would talk to your co-worker first, if after your talk you still feel like his wife needs to know then be honest about it with him. Im not sure if asking him to stop seeing the other Lady would be the right thing because who knows if he would honestly stop. If he is a cheater he might stop seeing her but would find another Lady. Use your gut feelings and if you feel strong you need to get involved then do it but remember you have to not only work with him but the rest of your fellow workers.

Good Luck
Dennis777

rockerchick_682 · Jun 19, 2007, 09:28 PM

I would definitely want to know, especially if a million people knew and I had no idea, I'd feel dumb. AAHHHH Stupid jerk, how hard is it to stay with one person at a time?. I'll give you some good advice, beat him over the head with a bat and send him to hell, jk of course... kinda

michealb · Jun 19, 2007, 09:43 PM

Keep it to yourself, chances are that if a bunch of other people know she already knows and is in denial or some other such thing. When dealing with couples they tend to kill the messenger even if the messenger had nothing to do with it because who would you believe the one you love or some stranger.

simian · Jun 19, 2007, 10:00 PM

Because I don't really know the girlfriend, I don' think it is my place to get involved (for all I know, she could be a nasty person who is cheating on him, too!) and I don't know how she would take this info coming from someone she barely knows. I do know the "other woman" a little bit, and she is a really sweet, caring person, who I am not sure knows the whole story.

I guess I have just been watching this unfold for so long now, that I wonder if the girlfriend would want to know... or maybe on some level she already does and doesn't care?

michealb · Jun 19, 2007, 10:20 PM

Maybe they have an open relationship and she has a couple of guys on the side too. Maybe the three of them have something going on. You just never know and it's best keep out of other peoples business unless someone is getting abused.