[Tuscany]

You have missed the whole point. No body is advocating womanizing and affairs. We are talking about whether a person has the right to be with the love of ther life or to at least explore that possibity. None of you have convinced me of anything other than you believe everybody should live by your own standards and moral judgments. Our country is great because it allows for not only freedom of expression but freedom of thought. You can have any opinion you choose on the matter. But don't think for a second that your position is absolutely correct or the other person's absolutely incorrect. And I still don't see how anybody can possibly tell somebody else what they should or should not do with their lives. You can only speak for yourselves.

So you would be fine if your wife had freedom of expression with another man?


Oh and by posting here you ask for opinons of others. It is up to sand to do with those opinons as she likes.

[startover22]

ANDY::::::::Cheating leads to lying, then you have to cover up lies, then you have to go behind loved ones back (tell me that doesn't affect them) then you have to have untrue feelings for someone and keep those up, you hurt people when you cheat, you hurt yourself because it is immoral, it is wrong. Sheesh the guilt alone would kill me, if my husband didn't first! (he would just leave me) but I was trying to get my point across. On the other hand, if you and your partner decide that you are going to see other people, well then go for it, but don't lie about it. You are in some sort of denial. Have a great day. Start

[talaniman]

I am unclear as to, did talking to your ex, break up your relationship with your b/f, or did your ex fill a need after the break up?? Either way don't listen to his rap, and think of wasting any time and effort to this ex. He is not worth the misery and pain, and as a single female your options are limitless, and can be much healthier and full filled in a relationship without baggage, than worry about what the ex will do in his future. If you cannot handle just friends with the ex, and deal with the unrealistic temptation for more, then leave him alone, and enjoy being healthy, happy, and single.

[andy2659]

Geeze. I do not advocate lying or cheating. I am simply not being judgmental like so many of you. Its all well and good to tell somebody to get over the love of their life, but its not so easy to do. Additionally, telling somebody to stay in a poor marriage for the children is the worst kind of advice, because in the end the poor marriage hurts the children more than a divorce would. Every person needs to decide what is best for them without being judged by those who simply have so little understanding of what the heck is going on. But I do agree on one thing. Leading a double life is no way to live. You can't have a healthy relationship with a spouse if you are in love with another person.

[startover22]

Geeze. I do not advocate lying or cheating. I am simply not being judgmental like so many of you. Its all well and good to tell somebody to get over the love of their life, but its not so easy to do. Additionally, telling somebody to stay in a poor marriage for the children is the worst kind of advice, because in the end the poor marriage hurts the children more than a divorce would. Every person needs to decide what is best for them without being judged by those who simply have so little understanding of what the heck is going on. But I do agree on one thing. Leading a double life is no way to live. You can't have a healthy relationship with a spouse if you are in love with another person.

The last three sentences are what we Judgemental freaks were saying all along, I think you like the light buddy!

[bdjphinojosa]

I think it is best that you come out and put everything on the table. If this man loves you and wants to be with you he needs to leave his wife. When he is divorced then you should get back together. Being with a married man just isn't right. You will feel better about yourself and your relationship if you do this the right way. You don't want to be a home wrecker.

[MayfairLady]

I haven't read all the answers to your dilema sand_32 but I respect you (and from what I have read destiny1981) for being honest and sharing your experience with us, I'm sure it will help many. In my life I can only learn from people who have had a similar experience to me and through them sharing their experience I can learn and make hopefully good decisions. Not that I am a religious person but I like the spiritual principals taught in the bible and when confronted with the 'woman caught in adultery' with the crowd accusing her and wishing to stone her to death, jesus said.. "He who is without sin cast the first stone!"

[CrazyRiver]

Hi there,

Well all I can say is that I am hoping you read this... I am in almost the same situation. I agree 110% with the fact that I don't know how I got here and I never would have thought that I would be having an affair. I too am having an affair with my married ex. We also were a couple about 15 years ago. We started being friends and I had a boyfriend (who is now my husband) we broke up for a while and that is when "Kevin" and I started dating. He fell for me fast, too fast for me, seeing how I had just broken up with Ron. He told me how much he loved me and I wasn't ready... I was afraid and I was still torn. I was 19 and only had two boyfriends before all this... so this was all new to me. To make a long story short, I wound up getting back with Ron. KEvin, couldn't even bare to remain "just friends", that was until about a year later when his Mom passed away and I called him and went to the funeral, we then became friends again and have been ever since. When my husband and I were dating, we broke up quite a few times, and I remember so many times when I would hang out with Kevin and he would tell me he still loves me and it's always been me. To move along, I kept turning him away, so much to the point that I actually set him up with the woman he is married to now... talk about kicking myself.

So here we are now in a much worse situation then you are in. My husband and I have two children. Kevin and his wife have a son who is 2 1/2 just like my son. To make it worse I go to their house every week for our son's to have a playdate. His wife has no idea and I feel like I am suffocating and I don't know what to do.

I see him with his wife and his son, and I wish it were me he was married to. Only my best friend knows about us and she has no idea what to tell me, which is why I am glad I found your post. I'm hoping we can help each other because I want so badly to end it, but I can't imagine how, not to mention our lives are also bound because of our sons now.

I will be checking back frequently to see if you've responded. I too was desperately looking for someone in my situation, not just a random fling or a new attraction. If these feelings wouldn't have been here prior to the affair I never would have sought out another man.

I'll be waiting to hear from you.

Crazy River

[skyprincess]

You are a whore, enough said. He's married; hands off. Maybe if he GETS a divorce, give him time AFTERWARDS, then you can pursue him, but he's married, I know you wouldn't be very happy if your ex's girlfriend, came back into the picture while you and your Ex were married, and besides, if he is willing to leave his then wife, who is to say he won't leave you for someone else? He doesn't sound like a very trusting person if he is able to do that. Leave him alone; let him stay in his marriage, if his wife's cheating was that much of a problem, I'm sure she would have been served papers along time ago, stop being a home wrecker.

[andy2659]

You are a whore, enough said. He's married; hands off. Maybe if he GETS a divorce, give him time AFTERWARDS, then you can pursue him, but he's married, I know you wouldn't be very happy if your ex's girlfriend, came back into the picture while you and your Ex were married, and besides, if he is willing to leave his then wife, who is to say he won't leave you for someone else? He doesn't sound like a very trusting person if he is able to do that. Leave him alone; let him stay in his marriage, if his wife's cheating was that much of a problem, I'm sure she would have been served papers along time ago, stop being a home wrecker.

You are a whore,

Wow, you must be one of the all loving Christians I keep reading about in the Bible. :)

[skyprincess]

Wow, you must be one of the all loving Christians I keep reading about in the Bible. :)

Sure... but I'm actually really just honest, that's all :)
Sometimes tooo honest :D Lol.

[andy2659]

Here is a good cite. You will probaby find lots of understanding friends there. People there would never be so low as to call you a whore.

Love, Interrupted

Hi there,

Well all I can say is that I am hoping you read this...I am in almost the same exact situation. I agree 110% with the fact that I don't know how I got here and I never would have thought that I would be having an affair. I too am having an affair with my married ex. We also were a couple about 15 years ago. We started out being friends and I had a boyfriend (who is now my husband) we broke up for a while and that is when "Kevin" and I started dating. He fell for me fast, too fast for me, seeing how I had just broken up with Ron. He told me how much he loved me and I wasn't ready...I was afraid and I was still torn. I was 19 and only had two boyfriends before all this...so this was all new to me. To make a long story short, I wound up getting back with Ron. KEvin, couldn't even bare to remain "just friends", that was until about a year later when his Mom passed away and I called him and went to the funeral, we then became friends again and have been ever since. When my husband and I were dating, we broke up quite a few times, and I remember so many times when I would hang out with Kevin and he would tell me he still loves me and it's always been me. To move along, I kept turning him away, so much to the point that I actually set him up with the woman he is married to now...talk about kicking myself.

So here we are now in a much worse situation then you are in. My husband and I have two children. Kevin and his wife have a son who is 2 1/2 just like my son. To make it worse I go to their house every week for our son's to have a playdate. His wife has no idea and I feel like I am suffocating and I don't know what to do.

I see him with his wife and his son, and I wish it were me he was married to. Only my best friend knows about us and she has no idea what to tell me, which is why I am glad I found your post. I'm hoping we can help each other because I want so badly to end it, but I can't imagine how, not to mention our lives are also bound because of our sons now.

I will be checking back frequently to see if you've responded. I too was desperately looking for someone in my situation, not just a random fling or a new attraction. If these feelings wouldn't have been here prior to the affair I never would have seeked out another man.

I'll be waiting to hear from you.

Crazy River

[andy2659]

Sure... but I'm actually really just honest, thats all :)
Sometimes tooo honest :D Lol.

Yep, I know. That's what is so scary.

[HistorianChick]

From personal experience DO NOT DO ANYTHING UNTIL HE IS LEGALLY DIVORCED!

Believe me, that is the only important piece of advice that you need right now. Don't pursue a relationship with him until he is legally divorced. Having just "coming off" of a relationship with a "divorce-in-the-works" man myself, believe me when I say, it only will cause heartache and unnecessary decisions down the road...

Once he's divorced, that's a different story. Good luck!

[Picassa]

Others have said things along these same lines, but I caution you to not get involved in this situation for a few reasons.
1) Consider the character of a married man who is cheating on his wife and children.
2)Consider the character of a married man who is lying and making excises to justify what he is doing.
3)Consider that a cheater is always a cheater based upon his own moral development or lack thereof, and that you will very likely be a victim of this cheating and lying behavior in the future.
4)Consider that trust is the foundation of any relationship worth having. Ask yourself if you would ever truly trust this man.
5)Consider that your own feelings and emotions regarding this situation are coloring your intellect and understanding about a future relationship.
6)Consider looking in a mirror and asking yourself some difficult questions about your own moral character and what kind of a person you would like to be in this world.
7)Take the reins of your own life and ride away as fast as you can!

[Cornfuzed]

Real close to my situation, but not quite. We just didn't know we liked one another.

[mustard_seed]

Sand 32: Continue to kid yourself but don't drag the rest of us into the ditch with you. All the wonderful things you share & great times spent with ANOTHER WOMAN'S MAN ain't worth it. What's wrong with you that you can't get it together & find a man who (KEY WORD), RESPECTS YOU? No man who cares would enter a DANGERIOUS situation with such a PERFECT, UNDERSTANDING, ONE-OF-A-KIND, 'honest' piece of work such as yourself? Can you spell USED? Look in the mirror, it's stamped on your forehead. He saw it, why can't you? Do you expect this liar to tell you the truth of what life at HOME WITH HIS FAMILY is really like? Why should he? You have no clue as to what reality is--he may confuse you even more. You might come to your senses and break off the easiest piece he's ever had if you knew the truth. I can bet all his friends, male family members, all the men on his job, know every inch of your body, every sex trick, every word said... You are entertainment for them all. How does knowing that make you feel? Cheap, right? Well, you are just that.

I am just the kind of wife you need to meet in person. Why? Can't post here but let me just say, "There would be some sad singing & flower bringing!" Why would I share my life with MY man--with all the joys and sorrows it NORMALLY brings (IN THE REAL WORLD WHERE ALL THE REST OF US LIVE), to let a silly little fool like you interfere with my marriage? Ph-leese!

[andy2659]

7 months ago I ran into my old boyfriend, who I havn't seen for 25 years. He was my boyfriend when I was 15-17 years old. At the time we broke up I when we were teenagers, he wanted it to be more serious and I, being only 17 was afraid of talking about
getting married and so forth. I had heard about him a few times between then and now, I
was told by a few people that even years later he asked about me and said he couldn't get
me out of his mind. I too, thought about him alot over the years, and regretted hastily
breaking up with him. Well, the years go by, and I have been married (15 years) and
divorced, he is on his 2nd marriage. His 1st marriage only lasted a few years, his current
marriage is going on over 15 years now. I have also heard from several people that his
current wife is very possessive of him and has alot of problems, including threatening suicide, having 2 afairs (that he knows about) etc... Anyway, when I saw him again it was
obvious that the feelings were still there for us both. When we hugged, neither one of us
wanted to let go. As dramatic as this may sound, I actually felt like I found a missing piece of myself. We exchanged emails and have been in touch ever since. We have met
in person a few times durring lunch and after work. We can talk for hours and be happy
just holding each other. We talk about everything on email, from every day things, our kids, and how we feel about each other. Neither one of us knows what to do. I know this is obviously wrong, and hearing about and knowing people having affairs with married men, before this happened to me, my advise was always to just get out of it and stop it.
Having an affair with a married man is something that will only get people hurt. These things do happen, my best friend actually got back together with her old boyfriend from high school, while she was still married, she got divorced and married her old high school boyfriend, they have been married 17 years now. I feel like an idiot not, believing I would never let myself get into a situation like this. But it's here, it's happening and I don't know what to do. One thing I havn't mentioned yet is that I have been with the same man now for almost 6 years. We have a great relationship, and without him knowing it, I have screwed that up! The old boyfriend that I am, I guess I could say having an affair with has been talking about divorcing his wife, he says they have always had problems and he wants to be with me. I know I sound like the idiot, in love with a married man who realistically may never leave his wife. I would like advise please, mostly from people who have experienced the same thing, not just having an affair like this, but with an old love. Hopefully there is someone out there who can give me advise, good or bad and maybe share their experience. :confused:

Anything new?

[lovemetender1]

I believe that everyone has a soul mate. We don't control destiny. If you love someone let him go, if he comes back he is your's forever. I believe that these men were put into your lives for a reason. It doesn't matter if they are married. Everyone makes mistakes. I don't agree with cheating with someone that is married. If you both truly love each other, then its time to throw in the towel and move forward into an everlasting relationship. You get one soul mate in your life time. Don't let it get away from you. It doesn't matter who they are with or if they are married. Everyone has ONE SOUL MATE and if you don't pursue him/her you may never have another opportunity and you will have to live with being unhappy for the rest of your lives... That would be Drastic!

[lovemetender1]

7 months ago I ran into my old boyfriend, who I havn't seen for 25 years. He was my boyfriend when I was 15-17 years old. At the time we broke up I when we were teenagers, he wanted it to be more serious and I, being only 17 was afraid of talking about
getting married and so forth. I had heard about him a few times between then and now, I
was told by a few people that even years later he asked about me and said he couldn't get
me out of his mind. I too, thought about him alot over the years, and regretted hastily
breaking up with him. Well, the years go by, and I have been married (15 years) and
divorced, he is on his 2nd marriage. His 1st marriage only lasted a few years, his current
marriage is going on over 15 years now. I have also heard from several people that his
current wife is very possessive of him and has alot of problems, including threatening suicide, having 2 afairs (that he knows about) etc... Anyway, when I saw him again it was
obvious that the feelings were still there for us both. When we hugged, neither one of us
wanted to let go. As dramatic as this may sound, I actually felt like I found a missing piece of myself. We exchanged emails and have been in touch ever since. We have met
in person a few times durring lunch and after work. We can talk for hours and be happy
just holding each other. We talk about everything on email, from every day things, our kids, and how we feel about each other. Neither one of us knows what to do. I know this is obviously wrong, and hearing about and knowing people having affairs with married men, before this happened to me, my advise was always to just get out of it and stop it.
Having an affair with a married man is something that will only get people hurt. These things do happen, my best friend actually got back together with her old boyfriend from high school, while she was still married, she got divorced and married her old high school boyfriend, they have been married 17 years now. I feel like an idiot not, believing I would never let myself get into a situation like this. But it's here, it's happening and I don't know what to do. One thing I havn't mentioned yet is that I have been with the same man now for almost 6 years. We have a great relationship, and without him knowing it, I have screwed that up! The old boyfriend that I am, I guess I could say having an affair with has been talking about divorcing his wife, he says they have always had problems and he wants to be with me. I know I sound like the idiot, in love with a married man who realistically may never leave his wife. I would like advise please, mostly from people who have experienced the same thing, not just having an affair like this, but with an old love. Hopefully there is someone out there who can give me advise, good or bad and maybe share their experience. :confused:

It is worse being with someone you absolutely don't love. It's a bigger sin. Seems he is your soul mate. Don't let him go, force his hand into divorce or you should move one. Happy endings do happen