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pinup0101 · Jun 17, 2007, 12:04 AM

I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. Usually at the beginning of any relationship, most people cannot keep their hands off each other- we never had that. He is the only guy who has ever been respectful and not tried to get in my pants right away, a characteristic that attracted me in the beginning. Now the problem is that I feel like I can't do anything to get him interested in sleeping with me. I have tried lingerie and he stares at me emotionless and I run upstairs holding back tears examining myself in the mirror wondering why he didn't get turned on. I try to touch him or go down on him and I get pushed away?? I jump into bed naked and he rolls over and goes to sleep. I talk about wanting to have sex with him. I suggest using toys. I watch porn and touch myself and he doesn't respond. And not to be full of myself, but I am attractive and very open to anything. I am not used to this sort of behavior. We literally have no other issues/problems in our relationship. He blames his lack of interest on being tired and old (he is only 31 and I am 27) The thing I don't understand is that when we do actually have sex it is great! I mean, really great. We both enjoy ourselves. I know he is not gay and I know he is not cheating on me (I live with him and if I am not with him, he is at work) I can't understand this... is age really an issue at 31? I need some advice as to whether there is something I can do to peak his interest (although I already tried a long list of things). How do I keep from crying myself to sleep or sitting in front of the computer crying my eyes out asking for advice from complete strangers? HELP ME PLEASE!

nauticalstar420 · Jun 17, 2007, 12:19 AM

31 shouldn't be too old to have an interest in sex. Maybe his sex drive isn't as high as other people's. If it is a sex drive problem you'll just have to bear with him, he'll come around. Not to be mean or rude, but if someone doesn't want to have sex, they won't. I know that's not much help, but it's the truth. Sorry if I've offended you in any way :)

pinup0101 · Jun 17, 2007, 12:31 AM

I realize that if someone doesn't want to have sex, they won't. You did not offend me but I am just trying to understand some things. Say he does have a low sex drive... I can be patient and work through it but would having your girlfriend stand in front of you in lingerie and try to make a move on you not arouse you? I got stared at like I was insane! Plus, one thing I didn't mention is that he will masterbate with me laying next to him while I am sleeping instead of having sex with me. I just don't understand it. I have told him that if he is in the mood to masterbate because he is horny that he can wake me up for a quickie and I still find myself sexless!

??

nauticalstar420 · Jun 17, 2007, 12:37 AM

I've been in this situation with my husband too, the masturbating and the no sex for a long period. I don't understand it and I probably never will. One thing I did try that worked for me was talk to him about how you masturbate. I know it sounds weird but it was kind of like it made my husband jealous. Also, I know this may be hard for you, but the next one or two times he wants to have sex, hold back and don't give it to him. This lets him know how it feels when he does this to you. Everyone is different, but this worked for me and now we have sex regularly. :)

pinup0101 · Jun 17, 2007, 12:40 AM

I have definitely made it apparent that I masterbate. I have talked about it and described it many times... still nothing. I think I will try the "holding back" method because at this point, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I don't get sex anyway and so I might be waiting for a while before he tries anything and then holding out is going to make me have to wait even longer- but if all of that waiting solves this problem I will be forever grateful. Thanks :)

nauticalstar420 · Jun 17, 2007, 12:42 AM

I really hope it helps. Sometimes it just takes a guy experiencing what you go though before they understand. I hope it gets better! Keep me posted and if it doesn't work maybe I can narrow it down to something else!

smoothy · Jun 18, 2007, 06:07 AM

Consider this as a sign you weren't meant for each other. Sorry to say this but this is not normal behavior. Wife knows if she gets an urge all she has to do is go for my package any time of the night. I never turn her down. Nor has she turned me down on my urges. Hardly a day goes by even after 16 years of marriage when we don't get it on. And its an any manner that strikes either of us.

For me its inconceivable he would go 8 months without needing it. Something is going on here we don't know about. Like medical reasons or he has someone else on the side and can't keep up with two women's needs.

Kattalover · Jun 18, 2007, 08:56 AM

There are people who have low or even no sex drive and are perfectly fine with it. However, this is obviously a problem for you, so have you talked to your BF about this? What did he say? Did he ever get checked for medical problems that might cause his disinterest in sex? If not, would he be willing to see a doctor? Does he turn down all physical contact (hugging, cuddling, kissing) or just sexual advances?

smoothy · Jun 18, 2007, 10:36 AM

I agree... make sure there are no medical conditions responsible for this. Some can be life threatening. When the Doctor gives a clean bill of health then you can look at other possible reasons.

margarita_momma · Jun 18, 2007, 10:40 AM

I have a co-worker that had a husband like your boyfriend. He is 35 years old and suddenly lost interest in having sex all together. He went to the doctor and they prescribed him a form of viagra and now they are BOTH very happy. When I a man's testosterone levels go down it will effect a lot of their emotions and can even cause a little depression. Maybe ask him, for the sake of your relationship, to go to a doctor and get checked for low testosterone levels. Its worth a shot. Good Luck.