[Superfly999]

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his
Doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an
Advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like
Heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
Loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
There stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
Dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
Neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
Company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
Without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has
His way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last
Time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company
Does business.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
Happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
Enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat
More slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he
Calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
Loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
Like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
Be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
Answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
A pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
Stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces
Herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
Reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
Shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch
Her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is
Wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to
The next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up
And the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the
Sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
Pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew
Losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.
Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and
Subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are
You sure, sir? Asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
Rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. Haven't
Felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his
Door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
Pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
And a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative
Of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.

__________________________________________________ _________

The Perfect Worker

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report
Sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered
Lines.

[magprob]

The Perfect Worker
WaY cOOL