[PixieMama]

If you were to find out that your partner cheated on you, how would you react to/deal with the infidelity (the hurt, the anger, the betrayal)? And how do you forgive something like that? Is it possible to move on and learn to trust each other again? Or do you give up with no more chances and take a zero tollerance policy no matter how much you love the person?

[emopunk7]

The choice is up to the person. Everyone deals with it differently. Personally, I think I would be forgiving but in the long run I know the relationship wouldn't work because I will always be insecure due to the fact of infidelity. Good luck!

[shygrneyzs]

I forgave my (now ex) husband for his infidelity but that did not prevent the divorce. I fgured that him having the affairs he did was just a symptom of what was really wrong. Like the tip of the iceberg.

You can move on and learn to trust again, it just might take a bit longer - your eyes will be more wide open and your sensors will be able to pick up more clues. Which is not a bad thing. Erring on the side of caution was something I wish I had done from the beginning and not have been "blinded by love."

One of the keys is not to rush any relationship. Time is really on your side. Best of all to you.

[SameOldSituation]

You know,

I don't know if you're religious, but the Bible talks of forgiveness---of grace (free, undeserved love.). It also states that adultry is grounds for divorce.

Take what you want from that (you don't have to be religious to realize there's some pretty wise stuff in there), but I think what it is getting at is this:

Yeah... forgive. Don't harbor anger. That won't make your life better. Let go of that anger--focus on what YOU are doing with YOUR life. Don't worry about the other so much. Forgiveness is also important, because we all mess up and make mistakes. If you don't forgive someone who adimits their fault and is sorry, they have to deal with an insane amount of guilt for a very long time--perhaps forever. And that's not right to make someone (who is sorry) go through.

I know how hard it can be to let go of anger and want a cheater to feel miserable for days and days to come. (I've been cheated on.) But, that's not being a mature, good-hearted person. Again, focus on what you can control---yourself. Don't complicate your mind with the bad others did to you. Let their minds be complicated with that so they might feel regret and change. Set your mind free. Forgive. Be happy that you are being a respectable person by doing something hard but what you know is right.

However... cheating is grounds for ending a relationship. End it, forgive them, stop caring about what they did, and move on. I personally, like emopunk, would not be able to get back into a relationship where I got cheated on--for the same reasons. Insecurity. But that insecurity is more valid. Trust was broken. Wouldn't be a good relationship.

[emopunk7]

In short, what sameoldsituation is trying to say is... Forgive the son of a gun, but you got to move on with your own life!

[LadyB]

If you were to find out that your partner cheated on you, how would you react to/deal with the infidelity (the hurt, the anger, the betrayal)? And how do you forgive something like that? Is it possible to move on and learn to trust each other again? Or do you give up with no more chances and take a zero tollerance policy no matter how much you love the person?

There is no right or wrong answer here. Is the person truly remorseful? Is the person willing to do the hard, necessary work to build back trust? Are they willing to go to therapy to find out why the cheating even happened and prevent future occurrences? Was it a one time thing or serial cheating? All of these things would factor into my ability to forgive or the decision to cut and run.

[SAB123]

I do feel in forgiveness as quoted in bible but as far as trusting that person I don't think I could. When me ex started dating I told her If you cheat on me PLEASE break up with me first before doing it. Because that would kill me in my heart. I believe cheating is just as bad as a women getting raped.

[zooropa1985]

If I found out my partner cheated they would be out the door with a footprint in their .

Seriously I think personally that that is the worst thing that a partner can do in a relationship, there would be no trust left and that is very impotant.

Besides if you took them back what's to stop them doing it again, id say kill the snake before it bites.

Oh and besides if you looked any thing like your pic then who in their right mind would cheat on you ;)

[bushg]

The old saying goes "Cheat on me once shame on you" "cheat on me twice shame on you " "cheat on me a third time shame on me." everyone deserves a 2nd chance but if they mess up again their out the door, don't let them stick around for the 3rd time. You must realize that the cheating has very little to do with you. It is the cheaters lack of morals, insecureness and weakness that cause's them to cheat. But if you choose to stay you must do this with an open heart and the understanding that your spouse has much work to do on himself and "I'm sorry is not going to be the cure " If you would have... etc, or would not have... etc, do not let him/her make you the scapegoat, do not accept responsibility for their actions.

[talaniman]

do not let him/her make you the scapegoat, do not accept responsibility for their actions.

Taking in all you've written about your husband your doing exacty what bushg is talking about. He is a lying, cheating thief. Ask yourself, what has he done to deserve you staying?? Your love is not enough to change him.

[How_to_cope]

Some times people can only see what they want. If he really loved you would he cheat on you??

Ask yourself would you cheat on him??

You no what the answer is, there is no room for cheating in a relationship, a relationship is about caring and being woth someone you love. Making yourself and them happy. Cheating with someone else is disrespectimg you and showing that he is putting another woman before you, is this the type of guy you want to stay with.

You may love him but sometimes you have to look at his values andmoralsand obviouslyhe doesn't have many...

[PixieMama]

Taking in all you've written about your husband your doing exacty what bushg is talking about. He is a lying, cheating thief. Ask yourself, what has he done to deserve you staying??? Your love is not enough to change him.

I am not in this situation (note the lack of personal detail). It isn't my husband who cheated. I have a friend going through this. I thought by throwing the questions out there - which I did in my post - I could provide her with other opinions and takes on the matter of how to get through this/forgive this because I honestly don't know if I could if it were me.

However, while on the topic of *my* husband I will say this. He is not perfect. He has made some really stupid mistakes. But all in all, he is a good and loving father to our children and he's a decent husband to me, so the mistakes he's made, I can forgive. Cheating on me with another woman is not something he's ever done, nor is it something I think he will do and I hope I'm never in that situation.

I've actually never been in a relationship where I have been cheated on, so I don't know how one is able to forgive, trust, and move on from there. I just know with the way I feel about monogamy, infidelity wouldn't be tolerated in my relationship at all. I state that from the get-go. But I do know that there are many couples who are able to move on and have decent or successful relationships with the cheating partner in the aftermath of the betrayal.

[talaniman]

But I do know that there are many couples who are able to move on and have decent or successful relationships with the cheating partner in the aftermath of the betrayal.

Sorry for the mix up, But I hope you relay to your friend the need to look at this in terms of the whole relationship, as her feelings are no doubt hurt. Only she can say if he has any redeeming qualities that leads her to believe he wants to change, and it is crazy to think he will, just because he says so. It takes years to regain trust, and the couples who have gone through this have worked long and hard to get over this episode. If she is willing fine, but the real question will be, if HE is willing to change, and get back the trust, or will he do it again. I think she deserves to take all the time she needs, to make a decision.

[americangayboy]

This is a judgment call on your part. I think you could, if you really wanted to, make it work. I'm not saying you should really want to make it work-and if it doesn't it's all his fault-but if you love him and think he will be faithful in the future, you owe it to yourself to try. I would definitely suggest counseling to help you get the anger off your chest (silently resenting him will make any attempt to salvage the relationship impossible).

On a side note: I read one user ask something along the lines of "If he really loved you, would've he cheated on you?" I can, without a doubt, say that you can love someone and cheat. I cheated once. I got myself into a bad situation and got caught. It was 3 years ago, and I still feel like crap whenever I think about it (I haven't spoken to the ex since the day after the occurance). I have kept myself out of situations similar to the one I was in when the cheating happened and I'm confident that I'll never cheat again. It won't work out with my ex, but I really wish it would've.

[chuff]

I know other couples have gone through it and forgiven, but I think the relationship is broke at that point and you need to move forward by yourself. Even if the relationship moves forward there will always be that lingering doubt and lack of trust.

[mckenzie134]

I can, without a doubt, say that you can love someone and cheat. I cheated once. I got myself into a bad situation and got caught.


You can without a doubt say you can love someone and cheat?? Obviously you either don't know what love is or you really wernt in love... If you cheated you obviuously wernt in love cause if you were you wouldn't have cheated. A bad situation there is no bad situation, you created the bad situation yourself. If you were truly in love you would not have thought of such an act.

I understand what you are saying but do not believe you were actually in love although you thought you were, that is the problem with a lot of relationships the person thinks they are in love but it may actually be something else, for examle they love having the person around etc... If they truly loved them like you say you did youwould not have cheated because you would have thought about your love first and put her feelings before yours...

[americangayboy]

Well, I didn't give any details of the bad situation in which I found myself. I was studying abroad and heavily using drugs and alcohol (I know that's not an excuse for my behavior, but it can make it impossible to think of anything other than yourself). My ex's friend was in the program too and called him the next day to tell him what had happened (it wasn't with the friend, it was with a random). It was a bad situation... I was lonely and strung out, does that make sense?

By the way, I'm gay, there were no women involved. Not being rude, just setting the record straight.

[steffaniem]

If you were to find out that your partner cheated on you, how would you react to/deal with the infidelity (the hurt, the anger, the betrayal)? And how do you forgive something like that? Is it possible to move on and learn to trust each other again? Or do you give up with no more chances and take a zero tollerance policy no matter how much you love the person?

First I want to say that I am sorry that happened to you. I also want to say that if you want to forgive this person you should. It will be a long journey though. I think that a person never really gets over it. I have a friend who keeps on forgiving and it just keeps happening to her. It is really sad when someone cheats. A whole lot of hurt. Just take all the time you need to really weigh the odds. Don't act too quick. You will know what is right for you. If that means moving on then go, but if yor heart tells you to stay... give it a shot!

[Beachgrl]

Personally, I think that this type of thing is unforgivable. If you really love the person you can move on with them and stay in the relationship but it will always be in the back of your mind. Also, can you really ever trust that person again? And what is a relationship without trust? Not to mention that if they really loved you and they really valued what you two had then they never would have done that in the first place. Even though it's hard to leave someone you love, I think in the long run it's the best decision. Then you can go find someone who will treat you the way you should be treated.

[Capuchin]

I tried to forgive someone who cheated on me. I never did though. It didn't last very long after that.