[Becca1025]

So basically, I am 19 years old, live with my fiancé, and am pregnant. To most people I have told (distant family, people at work, or people who ask) they react this way "Oh well what were you thinking?" Or "are you still going to stay in school," or this one, it's my fave, "Oh wow, is the father happy? Are you moving back in with your parents?" How long am I going to have to deal with this? We own our home, we own our cars, we both have great jobs, we have no huge payments (untilities and mortgage oh and lets not forget those gas prices!) I'm still going to go to school when the baby is here, there are so many options for me. It's just really starting to get to me when I hear all of those rude remarks instead of getting a Congratulations or a THat's great, or are you excited. It's not like we are throwing our lives away, we know our lives are going to be different from now on, but we are so excited and thrilled. We know we have a hard road ahead of us, but we knew what we were risking and we talked about it saying "what if" and that big what if happened and instead of stressing about it, we are so happy and it's all we talk about. We were prepared for this instead of being blindsided by it. My dad pissesme off the most! Every single time he calls he asks "So how is your situation" or he says "I havn't heard about your situation in awhile" I just want to scream and yell "It's not a F**KING SITUATION! IT'SA BABY!" Don't people realize ALL babies are a blessing? No matter what? It's not like we are going to move back home to our parents and go on wellfare! UGH! It just makes me mad

It just really gets to me to see all these people sterotyping us and it's ridiculous! What would you say if someone asked you those same questions or commented like that? I am on the verge that if I get one more sympathy look, one more "what are you goingto do" or one more "you're too young" I am going to scream. What do I do? I have tried being patient, I have tried counting to ten, I have tried blowing it off, but it is getting harder and harder. AHh!

[Becca1025]

Oh and I forgot the marriage thing! Everyone asks if we are going to get married before the baby is born and I say no, after. Since I am now pregnant, I would prefer to have our child there to share it with us. When I say that people look at me with such shock! Why does it matter if we get married now or later? Our child will have a loving mother and father whether we are married or not. It's like these people do not realize not everyone shares the same religious values or views.

[automansgirl]

Let me tell you, it will only get harder. I don't understand why people think they can say anything to a pregnant woman! First of all, let me say congratulations! I think it is wonderful that you and yours have it so together. Some people just don't understand it. Most people your age are not at all ready to have a child, and others don't know how to react when someone actually is. I don't think they have thought about what they are saying before they say it. As far as those comments go, you will find the reply that works best for you. When it comes to your father... you just need to let him know that it hurts your feelings to hear him talk about your baby and your pregnancy as a situation. Let him know that you are happy with the way things are, and that you and your fiancé know what is in store. He should be excited for you. Unfortunately, some people will expect you to fail. Just prove them wrong. Let them know that you are both ready to take on the responsibility of raising a child. Beyond your family, you don't have to explain anything. You sound like you are well on your way to a successful life, you aren't 15 years old. Personally, I think that you have every right to defend your child and your relationship. Try to enjoy being pregnant, and as time passes I'm sure your family will come around to understand that you aren't the little girl they all remember.

[automansgirl]

The marriage thing is your decision. Unfortunately there are a lot of people that still think that you should be married just because you are pregnant. You are already planning it, why rush things. You and your fiancé are the only ones who can make these decisions. Just try to ignore what other people think is best for you. It will only make you more emotional! And trust me, once you hit the second trimester you will be more hormonal than you knew you could be!

[Myth]

Hun I got all that too... Nobody got really excited and it really didn't hit home for them until my baby shower... I know it hurts that others, especially family, are not joyous at this. All that matters right now is that your excited. I would tell people how your feeling though. A closed mouth don't get fed... Besides if you're a little abrasive most people are going to chalk it up to hormones anyway.

[don8]

I was sixteen when I got pregnant and I know it is hard to deal with people but wait until the baby gets here. Your dad will change his tune and as for the others you won't even care what they say the first time you see his/her beautiful face. So congrats and good luck. I hope your life turns out as great as mine did. Just because people say negative things don't mean it can't turn out great. All that matters is that you are happy.

[Synnen]

You know what I did?

I turned those "it's really none of their business" questions around on them. Make a non-commital answer, then ask the person something truly embarrassing... like... "are they having that hernia looked at?" "And when are YOU expecting? Soon, it looks like!"

Or you could just be blunt with people: "You realize that that is the rudest question I've ever heard you ask?" "Is that really any of your business?" "Would you want someone asking YOU that question?"

My husband and I, because we are in our 30s with no kids (very unusual in both our families), get the baby question all the time: And when are YOU going to add to your family. We finally came up with a response that shuts people up: Well, YOU have kids. Maybe we're doing something wrong. Why don't you just hop up on the table here and show us how YOU did it?

That shuts people right the heck up. I hope you find a similar question!

[alkalineangel]

Yes, I got that all the time. I had my first when I was 20. I got looks from people all the time. I got the glance at the belly glance at the face glance at the ring finger glance at the face often... My son was one when my husband and I were married. We were both working jobs, and independent of our parents. I ignored the stupid comments. It wasn't like I was some young teenager living with my mommy and daddy. Now even though Im married I still get looks from people when they see me out with my son, because I look so young. I just smile at them. When someone comes and makes some rude comment about it being a shame I was burdened so young, I say something along the lines of me probably having a better career than they wished for at my age, and I'll retire in my 40s with the way my retirement plan is going... LOL. They always look at me strange then. I also get the "you aren't experienced enough" attitude from some people, but I know more about pregnancy and motherhood than half the mothers in my neighborhood from the experiences I have had. I got looks often from breastfeeding in public, I asked people if they were hungry as well. I don't like people nosing into my business.

[Myth]

Ok I found out I was pregnant the day after I turned 18. Mind you this is ten or so years ago. When I told my mother she freaked out and screamed at me for a good hour or two. Six months later my sis turns up preggy and tells my mom. My mom was so excited she jumped up and down... My sister is two years younger than I am... How's that for a kick... It hurt me so much. Now my mom and I aren't close but that was just the topping on the cake.

[alkalineangel]

My mom couldn't say anything... she was pregnant at 16... sp I think I had her beat... lol... but she was happy. My husbands mother jumped for joy, and his father said we should do something so he wouldn't be a B*strd... lol... they are best buddies now. My son loves his Grumpa!

[saraispiel19]

Welcome to "hαving bαbies αt α young αge" club-- been there done thαt... shessh mαy I αdd thαt it won't get better but you do get better αt ignoring it-- trust me on this one the less αttention you put into it the less you αre trying to kill people.

You cαn politely tell them whαt you think: "i would αppreciαte it if you___________ becαuse when you sαy ________ it mαkes me feel _________"

I did thαt αnd it seemed to hαve worked αlthough you'll αlwαys hαve your regulαr loud-mouth

Good luck to you hun- keep your sαnity in tαct-- you'll need it lαter:)

[alkalineangel]

Becca - I found the bella band at a Motherhood store.

[saraispiel19]

I hαve α belly belt αnd αll thαt snαzy motherhood crαp-- I need to get rid of it!

[buggage]

Unfortunately you will find in life, that everyone has an opinion on everything you do, and think that they could live your life better then you can. Lots of people you will come across, family or not, will try to shove their views down your throat. Hun, the only thing you can do is smile, nod, take the good advice, and say " thanks, but no thanks" to the bad advice. You've done just fine so far without their pushing, and you'll continue to do just fine, so long as you don't let them annoying behavior get to you. And this will happen in every aspect of your life at some point in time, not just your relationship with your man, or being a mommy. Take it in stride, and let it make you a stronger woman and mommy. If you let it get to you, it will just run you into the ground, and turn you into a rough and coarse person, and when you look back, you will not like the person you have become. (speaking from personal experience).It will also start to break down the relationship you have with your man, because whether you like it or not, if you let it get to you, you will both begin to have your doubts, where doubts shouldn't be. I know its hard to let things like that just roll off your back, but if you can do that, you will be a bigger person then everyone that wants to drag your down. Don't give them the satisfaction of being able to say " I told you so" let it just bounce off you, and you will be happier, and your relationship will be stronger because you will rely on each other in a deeper and stronger way. Good luck to you hun, hope things look up soon. They will, trust me

[Myth]

Oh my mom had me after (a month after) she turned 16. I pretty much wrote off my mom and vowed never to be like her before that and that just sealed the deal. I did better raising myself anyway. I knew my mom was a drama queen and I knew I didn't want to be like her so I'm not... I managed to learn from her mistakes. Not many can say that.

[babieface85]

I know how you feel. It drives me nuts. I am not an unwed mother I am a mother. Why tack that extra word on like we are not completely mothers? I'm OK with single mom but the word unwed is just insulting. Becoming “wed” was and is considered a more acceptable thing to do before having children so when people say “unwed mothers” I hear unacceptable mothers.
I am several years older then you (early 20's) so I do hear a lot of congratulations. However, my mom and her family are the same way as your family. I do not want to get married for a few years so she thinks it must be an unwanted pregnancy. I really don't have the heart to tell her it was intended because that would overwhelm her. She has made comments like well I am glad you chose life and this must be hard for you. I have told her I am happy to be pregnant and this is not any harder for me then any other adult woman. Your family may never “get it” The most important thing is that they support you. My mom and her family support me and they look forward to the baby. Just try your best to relax. I do KNOW it is hard to relax while pregnant but it is they best thing for you and your baby. Try to think about all the good things coming your way.

[boymom2121]

So basically, I am 19 years old, live with my fiance, and am pregnant. To most people I have told (distant family, people at work, or people who ask) they react this way "Oh well what were you thinking?" Or "are you still going to stay in school," or this one, it's my fave, "Oh wow, is the father happy? Are you moving back in with your parents?" How long am I going to have to deal with this? We own our home, we own our cars, we both have great jobs, we have no huge payments (untilities and mortage oh and lets not forget those gas prices!) I'm still going to go to school when the baby is here, there are so many options for me. It's just really starting to get to me when I hear all of those rude remarks instead of getting a Congratulations or a THat's great, or are you excited. It's not like we are throwing our lives away, we know our lives are going to be different from now on, but we are so excited and thrilled. We know we have a hard road ahead of us, but we knew what we were risking and we talked about it saying "what if" and that big what if happened and instead of stressing about it, we are so happy and it's all we talk about. We were prepared for this instead of being blindsided by it. My dad pissesme off the most! Every single time he calls he asks "So how is your situation" or he says "I havn't heard about your situation in awhile" I just want to scream and yell "It's not a F**KING SITUATION! IT'SA BABY!" Don't people realize ALL babies are a blessing? No matter what? It's not like we are going to move back home to our parents and go on wellfare! UGH! It just makes me mad

It just really gets to me to see all these people sterotyping us and it's ridiculous! What would you say if someone asked you those same questions or commented like that? I am on the verge that if I get one more sympathy look, one more "what are you goingto do" or one more "you're too young" I am going to scream. What do I do? I have tried being patient, I have tried counting to ten, I have tried blowing it off, but it is getting harder and harder. AHh!!

Congratulations! You are obviously a strong woman. I am sure almost all of the people judging you are sighing with relief... because they too could have become pregnant at your age or maybe they had abortions. You should be proud of yourself and screw everyone else. When any of us have sex, we need to know that a baby could be produced. Good luck with the baby and everything. I am not saying it will be easy (I had an unexpected pregnancy too)... but that little one will be the BEST thing to ever happen to you.

[peanut6966]

I have been there too honey. I had my son was I was 19, but I also had a job making a lot of money and have 2 cars and my own house that I bought but yet people think because you are young you need pity or that you have to rely on your parents... it use to really make me mad also, just ignore it all instead of getting aggrivated and upset, its just not worth it... Good Luck :)