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kaitlinandreg07 · Apr 25, 2007, 06:54 AM

I am 19 and I have a 4 month old baby girl my fiancé is working as a chef and I despretly want to get into the work force, (I have never worked, except on my fathers farm and a racing hats designer) I don't know whether it is right to have my daughter in a child care so early what should I do? HELP!!

alkalineangel · Apr 25, 2007, 06:58 AM

I had my son in child care at 5 months. It is fine, millions of mothers do it. I would suggest getting a breast pump, and trying to keep her on breast milk as long as possible... that is if you are breastfeeding... It is difficult, but your child will benefit from it, believe me, she will gain important social skills as she ages. Just remember that when youdo put your child in daycare, they get sick more often... you know colds and such.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 25, 2007, 07:51 AM

It is just up to you, can you work part time, if you designed hats, perhaps working from home for a milinary company.

Bluerose · Apr 25, 2007, 08:19 AM

4 months is very young to be left with a stranger. If it was a family member helping out that could be different. Maybe working part time would be a good solution. It will be tough to leave your child with anyone, and nothing in this world will keep you from worrying or wondering if you are doing the right thing. The decision must be yours and yours alone. I do believe quality rather than quantity of the time spent with your child is more important. And a happy, working mum is much better than a sad, stay at home mum.

Check out very carefully the person you decide to leave your child with. Make your own rules and have them follow them. Don't feel that you have to follow their rules.

startover22 · Apr 26, 2007, 01:04 PM

I know a lot of moms are going to work. I don't believe it is the right choice for a mother to feel like everything else is more important than the life she brought into this world. I know that is a very BIG statement, and usually I am not so bold. I really believe we have kids to show them the right ways to live instead of pay someone for that special job. What are you going to do when you find out your baby took her first step, are you going to say "oh that's ok, i will see it later?" And that is not even half of it. You better be as sure as anyone can be, that where ever that baby is, she is safe from EVERYTHING!! I love my kids and I know that when they are little they depend on me for safety, they can't tell you that the babysitter picked me up by my arm , or any little thing that hurt their feelings and you can't figure out what is wrong with her. No way, I know that there are a lot of good career mothers, I am sorry if I offended anyone, I just believe that a mother is a mother, that should be her job. Believe me we don't have a huge house and I don't get to get my nails done. My kids are way more important to me than a nice pair of shoes. And you know what, When they are eighteen, I can't wait to land the full time job of my dreams! I honestly hope you can look at this open minded as I can't seem to look at it another way unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary that the mom goes to work...

Emland · Apr 26, 2007, 01:16 PM

Why don't you get your degree at home via an online school while your little one grows up a bit? By the time you finish, your little one will be ready for pre-school and you will have acquired some marketable skills. I had to go back to work almost immediately after having my son and regret it. I took more time off with my daughter and think it was the right decision.

startover22 · Apr 26, 2007, 01:17 PM

I just wanted to add that if anyone is offended by my answer I am sorry. I know that there are many different situations that of course the mom needs to work. I do know that. I am seeing here that this might not be the case though, so I am commenting on hers alone.

isabelle · Apr 27, 2007, 04:44 AM

I am trying to understand this post.
If you "desperately want to get into the work force" why did you have a child so soon?
I guess until I can understand this, I just don't have a lot of advice.

iscorpio · Apr 27, 2007, 06:22 AM

Originally Posted by kaitlinandreg07

I am 19 and i have a 4 month old baby girl my fiance is working as a chef and i despretly want to get into the work force, (i have never worked, except on my fathers farm and a racing hats designer) i dont know whether it is right to have my daughter in a child care so early what should i do?? HELP!!!!!

Answer is both, I have five children and 10 almost 11 grandchildren, when my children were little I always worked doing something from home, you have the advantage of having experience in what could be a very lucretive business, if you don't want to continue with that then you are artistic so you could branch out in any manner of fields, even design peoples homes for them, many affluent people do not have the time for this but would welcome someone such as yourself to give them your expertise, why can you not do it from home? You will have the best of both worlds and be able to watch your little ones firsts. Take care, love and peace anne x

redpepper53 · Apr 28, 2007, 08:11 PM

All I can say is parents do what they must to support their families, but after working eight hours it is difficult to pick up your child go home and be a parent for sixteen hours and go back to work. Babies do not understand that mom and dad need some sleep to function at work. My babysitters all told me how good my baby was sleeping almost the whole time I was at work of course this meant that all evening and all night was play time.

kaitlinandreg07 · Jun 8, 2007, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by isabelle

I am trying to understand this post.
If you "desperately want to get into the work force" why did you have a child so soon?
I guess until I can understand this, I just don't have a lot of advice.

I fell pregnant after 3 years with my fiancé
We had a hard decision to make... keep her or terminate...
I didn't know what to do as I wanted to travel and have a good career and even a house before I had children... I ended up going to the "doctors" and they told me that if they did terminate, I had a 50/50 chance of dying on the op table, and a 50/50 chance of not being able to have kids later on... now what would you have decided..!
It was a question that I thought MOTHERS could help me out on...
Thank you...

alkalineangel · Jun 8, 2007, 09:48 AM

It is a hard decision. I didn't have the option of staying home, we needed two incomes. I don't like the idea of him being partly raised by someone else, but I didn't miss a thing.. Do what is best for your family. Whatever will give them the best life. I am hoping with my next child to stay home... but If I must, I will do daycare again.

isabelle · Jun 9, 2007, 07:27 AM

I would have made the same decision you made.
It was a brave thing to do and I commend you for it.

babieface85 · Jun 9, 2007, 02:38 PM

Have you considered going to school a few days a week? That might be a good alternative to jumping into a “dead end” full time job. As a “single” mom you will qualify for finical aide and will pay little to nothing for your education. When you do get a job it will pay more and you will not have to spend so much time away from your little girl.

Wondergirl · Jun 9, 2007, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by kaitlinandreg07

I am 19 and i have a 4 month old baby girl my fiance is working as a chef and i despretly want to get into the work force, (i have never worked, except on my fathers farm and a racing hats designer) i dont know whether it is right to have my daughter in a child care so early what should i do?? HELP!!!!!

Interesting that you have a baby and then decide you have to get into the work force. If it's for money that's greatly needed for the family, then try to work out something with your fiancé that he will help with the baby so all your earnings don't go to a sitter. If he's a chef, isn't he earning enough to support you? And certainly he must work long hours, so he may not be available to take care of the baby.

If you leave your baby to work outside the home, you will kick yourself later because you will miss all those "firsts" -- first roll-overs, first tooth, first step, first successful potty time, etc. One of my former clients had had a baby and had found jobs cleaning homes. She was able to take the baby along and made quite a bit of money too. If you live near a college or university, students need papers proofread and typed or perhaps need tutoring ($25/hr or more) in a subject you are good at. The same goes for living near grade and high schools -- students there might need tutoring. If you are comfortable with that, talk with the principals about finding clients.

In other words, I hope you will stay with your child for now, but there are jobs available if you are willing to think creatively.

kaitlinandreg07 · Jun 9, 2007, 11:45 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Interesting that you have a baby and then decide you have to get into the work force. If it's for money that's greatly needed for the family, then try to work out something with your fiance that he will help with the baby so all your earnings don't go to a sitter. If he's a chef, isn't he earning enough to support you? And certainly he must work long hours, so he may not be available to take care of the baby.

If you leave your baby to work outside the home, you will kick yourself later because you will miss all those "firsts" -- first roll-overs, first tooth, first step, first successful potty time, etc. One of my former clients had had a baby and had found jobs cleaning homes. She was able to take the baby along and made quite a bit of money too. If you live near a college or university, students need papers proofread and typed or perhaps need tutoring ($25/hr or more) in a subject you are good at. The same goes for living near grade and high schools -- students there might need tutoring. If you are comfortable with that, talk with the principals about finding clients.

In other words, I hope you will stay with your child for now, but there are jobs available if you are willing to think creatively.

Are you blind?? I didn't plan to have a child this young and I want to get into the work force cause I've never been it it!!
And yes he does earn enough to support us but I would like to work to... its the 20th century and women have a choice now!!

"PLEASE PEOPLE THAT DONT HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY DONT ANSWER AND ALSO IF YOU AHEV NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT DONT ANSWER!!!! THANKYOU"

isabelle · Jun 10, 2007, 06:06 AM

I think you knew what you are going to do and knew it before you posted.
You asked a question and people were only trying to help you.
Why do you get so angry?

newlablover · Jun 10, 2007, 07:23 AM

I am 25 and have 2 children, I had my first at 20 years old. I have always worked full time up until right now because I wasn't happy with my employer, if you feel that you need to work, can you get a relative to babysit for you? I have always had family to help out so that I didn't have to put my child in a daycare. I am not very trusting with strangers taking care of my kids, others will feel different than me on this issue, but this is what I have decided is best for my situation. Also, I do not know where you live but the state here will pay for my mom to watch my kids while I work. Here's the way I see it, you still have some time left before the baby arrives, take on even just a part time job and se how that goes, nobody said that you have to work full time. If you feel later on that you don't want to work when you have the baby, then at least you have some more experience to put on your resume later when you decide to work again, if you decide to work after having the baby, maybe you can get shifts when your boyfriend is at home to take care of the baby and it won't have to go to daycare. Hope I helped. Good luck making your decision.

kaitlinandreg07 · Jun 10, 2007, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by isabelle

I think you knew what you are going to do and knew it before you posted.
You asked a question and people were only trying to help you.
Why do you get so angry?

I don't regret my daughter and I never will. I may be young and people may think I screwed up but she isn't no screw up, everything happens for a reason and I was only asking the advice and suggestions of other.. mothers... Its different when you have your own children, I have 3 nefews and 4 neices, but I don't know what it is like to care for them, everyone is different. I found that one persons post made all the difference and I will be taking there advice...

Thank you anyway but your post was useless all it showed me was that you are just another one of those people that think that having children will ruin you life.

I hope that you have children one day and come to realise that they are the best thing that could ever happen to you, they teach you as much as you teach them, every morning you wake up and see their face and they smile back at you is the best feeling you could ever imagine. Any person who think that having a child at a young age
... IS JUST TO COLD HEARTED TO SEE THAT FACT...

Thank you for your interest in my post anyway...

Tootruetooblue · Jun 13, 2007, 08:17 AM

A lot of people are of the view that if you work as a mother, you are committing an unforgivable act of child neglect . I think this is alarmist and silly. Many of the most advanced cultures in our world, such as in Scandanavia, rely heavily on child care programs for children but also make staying home a realistic choice. I hope our country will go in that direction and eliminate this ridiculous blame scenario where women who stay home are viewed as slackers, and women who work are viewed as child neglectors.

Part of being a parent is being financially secure and responsible and I think that is a goal for all families, and being young and having your child earlier than planned only matters because you need to take this responsibility on sooner than someone who waited to have a family. You want to take the responsibility, so I don't see a problem here.

I think that staying home with your child might not be a good option for you because you are very young, and not knowing you personally, I have to consider what I know more globally - that half of marriages end in divorce, and early marriages with your circumstances of unplanned pregnancy are more prone to divorce. You need to be in a position that you can fully support yourself and your child. If you are one of the fortunate half of society who have a great and lasting marriage, this will add great stability for your marriage and family. If you end up on your own one day for any reason, you will not be plunged into a crisis of having left school, had a baby and not worked. With that resume, what could you do to support yourself?

So, my suggestion is to continue being proud of your family. You are making it work and the fact that you have a choice of whether to work indicates that you and your husband must be managing your money well. But, it is impossible for you, at this age, to have enough education so go back to school -on line, part time, whatever. Start with part time school and a part time job. Many schools have on-site child care programs that are very well monitored, high quality and safe. And you might be able to get a job on-campus, too. Money is not an obstacle to school - you can get aid.

I know you only asked about work, but I guess I'm looking at the long term and even with a college degree, it would be hard for me to be able to afford child care out of my salary and to also support my household. At minimum wage or tips, it would be very difficult if not impossible, so you need to take steps to make yourself more valuable in the market - education is the staircase.

Best wishes!