[drjmtg10]

Hi,
My wife and I have had a relationship that has been going downhill rapidly the last 4 years. Lost my business, lost my house, had an operation, 7 jobs, great credit to poor, etc. During this timeframe I had begged my wife to get a job to help, Finally did after 3 years, but after we lost everything, and then no help to me. I was working 80 plus hours a week trying to make ends meet. I started drinking more than normal, but not stupor type stuff. However it was played up in front of my kids when they still lived at home. I was never violent verbally or physically. 1.5 years ago I got a dui. Wife said she would stay if I quit drinking. I quit and have not had a drink since. She has told the kids(both at college) that I am mental, Alcoholic, and other things. At the holidays this year we had an argument where I told her she was tainting the kids with all negatives about me. She announced she wanted a divorce had a meeting where she made things up about me in front of my kids and that I needed a psychiatrist. Over the past 6 months our relationship I though was improving, we actually started having sex etc. After she plays me as a psyco. I start checking find out she has been on a website called Hornymatches.com I have correspondence proving sexual relations with at least 5 guys over a month and a half period. Copies of e-mails, phone records, etc. She turns 50 next month and is going through menapause, but she is very attractive for her age. The age ranges of her sex partners are 24-37 and she is working on a 19 year old. All documented. I told my kids mom is seeing other men which is why we cannot continue with our marriage, they were told I need to fix me. When I told them about the seeing other men both kids got angry at me. I have not shown then the over 100 pages of grphic documents in cluding webcam shows she has put on. Should I? Thanks

[neverme]

No you shouldn't.

This won't help the situation in the least.

Your wife will be found out for what she is in due time, and you'll look all the better for having some self control.

[asking]

Absolutely not.

Show some dignity, get quietly divorced with as little fuss as possible, and focus on improving yourself.

[drjmtg10]

Absolutely not.

Show some dignity, get quietly divorced with as little fuss as possible, and focus on improving yourself.

Show some dignity? All I have been doing since November of 2007 is improving myself. My kids have been told that it is all me. I have explained to them that in every relationship it takes two to tango. My kids 22 and 20 have been lied to about me. When they were told at the holidays that we will see if we need to separate based on what your father does she has met 4 to 5 men that I am aware of, at bars, sex in cars, sex at a swingers club, sending pictures of her vagina to men. Masterbating on the phone with strangers. Telling me she was visiting our son at school and instead meeting with men. One married with 3 children. One 2 years older than her own son. One 3 years younger. I have been to our pastor 10-15 times. Counseling etc. Been on a cleanse lost weight, been working out etc. I guess it is OK to literally work yourself into the ground trying to take care of your family, and when you break down because of the pressure and the money is not flowing in, to say it is all my fault "show some dignity" let yourself get trashed to your kids and move on quietly. I guess all men are evil.

[HistorianChick]

While I definitely understand the impulse behind telling your children about their Mother's infidelity, I don't think it is a good idea.

In the end, it will probably come out, right? Wouldn't it be better if your children saw that you handled yourself as a responsible adult through all of the mud slinging and name calling?

I don't think you should stoop to her level and involve the kids in this. They are being swayed based on your wife's lies. Those lies will come to light.

I encourage you to stay strong, stay above it, and do this the legal, right way. Don't give them any reason to hate you - and at the moment, you showing them these correspondences would bring her infidelity to light, but will also show you to be vindictive. I'm not saying that you ARE vindictive, I'm just saying that that is how it will appear to them.

Karma is a "girl dog." :)

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this.

[drjmtg10]

While I definitely understand the impulse behind telling your children about their Mother's infidelity, I don't think it is a good idea.

In the end, it will probably come out, right? Wouldn't it be better if your children saw that you handled yourself as a responsible adult through all of the mud slinging and name calling?

I don't think you should stoop to her level and involve the kids in this. They are being swayed based on your wife's lies. Those lies will come to light.

I encourage you to stay strong, stay above it, and do this the legal, right way. Don't give them any reason to hate you - and at the moment, you showing them these correspondences would bring her infidelity to light, but will also show you to be vindictive. I'm not saying that you ARE vindictive, I'm just saying that that is how it will appear to them.

Karma is a "girl dog." :)

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this.

Thank you for that kind and thoughtful answer. That is the direction I am moving in, it gets difficult when being villified. Positive and intelligent responses like yours help abundantly. Thank you.