[rodion]

Staircase To the Sea


All is at peace,

And has likely been a recurrence

Of an emptiness, closely keeping,

That has been my unease-

And now near total silence has fallen

As half sunk galleons skirt the shores

Leaning like those partly drunk,

Upon new worlds-

And all drownings in this Sargasso sea

Are like the rise of birds through waves

Those constant revelations of descents

Like shrill broken whistles on the staircase

To the sea.

[twinkiedooter]

Sounds okay to me. What are you planning on doing with this poem?

[rodion]

Send it to a contest or something in that vein. Thanks

[Wondergirl]

When I read it, I get more of a haunted, ghostly feeling rather than a peaceful one.

[rodion]

But is it any good?

[Wondergirl]

You mention "peace" but then give examples of ghostly stuff (emptiness, unease, half-sunk galleons, drownings, shrill broken whistles). All that gives lie to your first line. How about changing the first line?

Is it any good? I think it's confusing. What are you really trying to say? What mood are you trying to create?

[Moonbay]

It doesn't matter what people think. All that matters is how you feel about it. If you like it the way it is then I say leave it. If you feel you need to change something then do it. It's your own art. Do what you will with it. Personally, I think it sounds good. I like haunting poems. :D