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npbandit · Mar 20, 2009, 07:53 AM

I am about to become a first time father, and the woman and I are not together anymore. I have not been abusive to her as she claims. She and I are not able to be in a relationship due to her physical abuse to me YES physical abuse. She drinks until the point of rage and anger, she uses cocaine and marijuana. Even while she is pregnant I have confronted her about smoking cigarettes and marijuana. She still continued to use them as well as drink (wine) exceeding the limitations on pregnant women and alcohol. She recently filed a protection from abuse order against me in Pennsylvania. My question is what can I do to protect my unborn soon to be birthed child. I want her to be apart of the child's life and fully understand the bonding and maternal situations regarding a new born and their mother. However I know that where she is living (with her mother who has history of physically abusing my soon to be baby mom) isn't the safest and most stable environment for a and adult or child let alone a newborn. Also her mother is an alcoholic as well. Her mother has put her out on the street while she was 1 1\2 months pregnant. Now her mother has wooed her back with gifts and money. Her mother and I don't get along because of the things that has happened far as her putting her daughter out. How can a FATHER get custodial custody of his new born baby. I am afraid that the courts here in Pennsylvania will favor the mother. Resulting in my child being in a unstable environment. Again I want my child's mother to be apart of his\her life. I just really feel that I can provide a more secure, stable and consistent home for the child. Please help this is my first child and unlike some fathers who opt out of their responsibilities as a father. I embrace the idea of being a GOOD FATHER and provider. And want to be a prominent part of my soon to be here baby's life. What can I do? Please help me Please... Thank you all.

stevetcg · Mar 20, 2009, 08:06 AM

You file for custody. You may be able to file for custody now, before the baby is born and have the order in place for when it is born.

There is nothing you can do to control the mother's actions while pregnant.

npbandit · Mar 20, 2009, 09:36 AM

Thanks stevetcg

Justwantfair · Mar 20, 2009, 09:41 AM

I am not sure how you would do this, but I think the newborn will need to be screened, you have mentioned various drugs from cocaine, marijuana and alcohol. All of these drugs can be transferred to a fetus endangering the child's life.

If the child tests positive for substances they will likely not release the child to the care of the mother.

kanicky73 · Mar 20, 2009, 10:00 AM

I think it would be safe to say that you should contact a lawyer asap and start any proceedings that he/she recommends you to. As justwantfair stated they may be able to put in place and immediate drug test to be performed right away when the baby is born. Then depending upon the results of that test you may have an easier battle ahead of you. Be prepared though that this will get costly for you. Hiring an attorney and all the fees involved in custody battles is unbelievable. I wish you lots of luck though and please do what is right for that baby.

cdad · Mar 20, 2009, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

You file for custody. You may be able to file for custody now, before the baby is born and have the order in place for when it is born.

There is nothing you can do to control the mother's actions while pregnant.

Actually there are pro-active ways to control the mothers habits while pregnant. If op were to go to court and request a DNA test when the baby is born ( to prove he's the father ) and at that hearing make the courts aware of the situation ( as others recommended ) they may even order an test for drugs and other substances right away. At this point its not a matter of granting custody as much as proving parentage. After that has been proven then there are further legal steps to be taken.