[taraish]

My partner and I continue to fight because I get jealous and angry when I find that he has been spending time with his friends whom are females, one in particular is one of his old love interests. He assures me I have nothing to be worried about and deep down I do know this, but I find it difficult to be all right with this and find it hard to suppress and/or deal with the jealousy that I feel when these situations arise. He still wants to be with me but has just told me that he is sick of me threatening him that I will leave because I don't get my own way or can not handle the situation maturely. I will cause the fight and threaten to break up, which I do not want, but I don't know what else to do, he gets hurt from this. Obviously I get hurt and do not want this at all to continue and I would like it to stop before he ends up being fed up with it and leaves me. How can I put this right for him after months of treating him like this on and off and how can I make myself feel better so that it no longer continues. And all of his friends care about me but are aware that I am doing this to him and feel for him and I do not want them to feel our realationship has holes in it when we actually love each other dearly.

[Romefalls19]

You are heading on the right path if you are trying to ruin this relationship. You need to seek counseling for this problem, I have the same problem with insecurities but have learned techniques to help me out with my current relationship. I'll list a few that I have found extremely helpful.

1. Write down the problem, leave it and then come back an hour later and see if it still makes you upset. This accomplishes two things, first if you reread it and aren't upset problem solved, if it still bothers you, you are calmer than you were when it first happened to talk it out.

2. Write down problems and then address them WITHOUT attacking him. The way you say things is as much as important as what you say. If he feels you are attacking him then he will respond with anger as well. Think of things this way, if a dog was attacking you would you not defend yourself as well? Same basic principle applies.

3. Don't sweat the small stuff, life's too short to be pissed off all the time.

[NItEMArE129]

Another piece of advice is that you should look back on every other time you have felt like this. And when you do, think about these things:
A). Was it worth getting angry over when you knew what happened?
B). What happened the other times you got angry? Anything good?
C). Does he know how you feel about this?
D). Do you trust him? Does he trust you? Do you trust him to respect how you feel?
E). And finally, if you were hanging out with friends of yours that are guys, how would you feel if he harassed you the same way?

I went through the same thing, and trust me, it's hard. As long as you trust him, everything should be fine.

[Fr_Chuck]

Well how is he spending time with them, is he hanging at their homes, is he going to the bar with them,

I mean if he was at the bar with them, going to their homes, I would lock him out before he got back home myself

[talaniman]

I am scared my partner will leave because of my insecurities

Do something about them then.