[mudweiser]

So the other night I was thinking, yeah thinking again , and I thought to myself, "Relationship really suck, what's the point? You get to know someone, then after the lovey dovey part is gone it'll end soon, maybe a week or 35 years from that point where that lovey dovey stage passes"

Here are my 5 Stages:

Stage I: In love.
"Oh I can't wait to see him/her"
"She/he is so amazing, I think he/she is the one"
"I can't breath without you baby"

Stage II: Starting to see eachother's flaws, still in love
"I don't really like it how he/she interrupts me"
"She/he is so inconsiderate, they always eat all of the ____"

Stage III: feeling uneasy about relationships, doubts, arguements start.
"Why he/she always late and full of excuses"
"He/she is a little controlling, do I want this?"

Stage IV: arguements continue. dissatifaction in relationship
"You could really pick up the phone and call me when your late"
"Why are you always asking me questions when I come home? Don't you trust me"

Stage V: either giving it another shot or the break up.

Usually if they give it another shot it's just one huge circle and it goes on and on and on.


What is funnier to me, if one relationship doesn't work out we move on to the next and it's just another huge circle.

What the heck is the point.

Maybe I'm being a Bitter Britney or Negative Nancy... but does anyone else see it this way?

What are your opinions?

Sarah

[phlanx]

Stage II: Starting to see eachother's flaws, still in love
"I don't really like it how he/she interrupts me"
"She/he is so inconsiderate, they always eat all of the ____"

My wife drives me nuts with some of her decisions and personalities traits, however, if it wasn't for this balance of love and craziness I don't think I would love her if I thought she was perfect, I need someone to drive me a little nuts to keep me sane

I think most people grow up in an environment where they need to have the confidence of their convictions, this sometimes gets confused with my way is the best way - they are totally poles apart

I have a great bunch of friends who over the last few decades have taken great delight in pointing out my personality traits that I never knew, and veky verky - so now I know that I am normal, I can except flaws in others as nothing more than being human

Scito te ipsum

[amicon]

Hi!
I think most of us feel that way at times,but I can only say that I shall not give up hope yet. The eternal opptimist I know.

[mudweiser]

Hi!
I think most of us feel that way at times,but I can only say that I shall not give up hope yet. The eternal opptimist I know.

Hope for what? To find your "soulmate". There is no such thing. Relationships are hard work to keep up. It's not easy. Falling love is easy, staying however is not.


Sarah

[Clough]

Hi, mudweiser!

Did something just happen in your life that's causing you to think these ways? Or, is it a pattern and/or cycle with yourself that you're just now realizing, please?

Thanks!

[Ithappenstoall]

Having that special bond with someone, knowing they are in thoughts and you are in theirs is a great feeling , I live for that
Relationship are work, but they are rewarding, whether they are long distance, in the same city they both take a lot of trust, work... but its an investment that can pay high dividends

[jmjoseph]

Love, when you are lucky enough to find it, is the most wonderful thing in the world.

When you are lucky enough as to find it, you will KNOW IT.

I wish you luck on your quest.

I mean, what is the alternative? Alone, talking to a one-eyed cat, standing in the kitchen in your flannel PJs, cutting coupons for bunion pads?

Don't give up hope. There is someone out there for you. Maybe you are looking in all the wrong places. Good hearted men do good hearted things. Like volunteering at the school, church, etc.

You'll be just fine. You're pretty, sassy, strong, and smart. Love will be in your life.

That'll be 25 dollars for the reading.

[amicon]

No not a soulmate-I don't believe in the ONE either just somebody who is compatible enough and mature enough to be likely to last the distance.

[mudweiser]

Hi, mudweiser!

Did something just happen in your life that's causing you to think these ways? Or, is it a pattern and/or cycle with yourself that you're just now realizing, please?

Thanks!

Oh no Cloughy.

I've always thought this way.

You can fall in love so easily and then bam it hits you, love isn't easy. It's not like Disney or Hollywood makes it to be like.

How many people on her go for relationship advice:
-Oh my boyfriend is cheating [maybe]
-Oh I cheated on my wife
-Oh I slept with my husband's friend
-Oh I want to cheat on my spouse
-Oh I want a divorce!

Really, the list goes on. I'm sure if I did "fall in love" I wouldn't be saying this-- I would be like this love is eternal, oh forever... but a year or so down the road I'll be thinking what the heck was I thinking... I was right.

I bet some people reading this right now think yeah, I really wish I was out of this marriage meanwhile they are typing about how they love their spouses despite their flaws or marital troubles they had.

Really, I'm not saying let's all be alone or have sex with randoms. I just think.. darn, really, I just think relationships are pretty dumb. However, humans need that companionship so I guess it does make some sense.

I really can't pinpoint on what my true feelings are. I'm still growing and learning--- but as of right now this is what I know/think.


Sarah

[rockie100]

So like the next guy that tells you that your beautiful, asks to get to know you, gives you that special look, brushes that piece of hair from your face, opens a door for you, takes your hand while walking, (Oh, Im out of breath) comes along... You say "sorry, I just dont see the point."
I think its human nature to want a companion in life. It's the gamble most people think is worth the risk.

[Gemini54]

I don't think that relationships aren't pointless because they give us our greatest lessons about ourselves - if we're prepared to see them. It's just that sometimes it takes a while to learn the lesson, whatever it may be!

Relationships are mirrors - that person that takes your breath away, who cheats on you or whom you later despise is an aspect of yourself. Let's face it, none of us are perfect, and we see out imperfect selves reflected back to us in the people we choose to partner with.

Some of us partner easily and for life, others of us have various partners and find the whole thing precarious and difficult. We stumble around looking for that perfect mate when he or she doesn't exist.

I think that's the point. And I'm just thinking this through quickly as I type, that none of us are perfect. If we can accept that then we're more able to accept others and love them for what they are, perfectly imperfect.

[amicon]

That's a great post Gemini, and mirrors is very true-life s a wonderful learning experience.

[Clough]

I haven't had a one-on-one intimate relationship with someone for a very long time, Sarah. It's something that's not all that important to me. Perhaps it not all that important for you either? Those kinds of relationships do take a tremendous amount of effort, work and maintenance! If I were to be in that kind of relationship, then it would take away from other things that I also feel are very important for me to do in order to realize my full potential as well as helping people in various ways. Those are a couple of reasons that the Roman Catholic Church doesn't allow priests to marry. If a priest had an immediate family because of marrying someone, part of the rationale for not doing that would be because having that sort of immediate family could potentially take away from the duties that the priest would need to have toward the parish that he would be serving.

Relationships to me though, are very important. My close, female friends are like my sisters and my close male friends are like my brothers. It's just that the everyday maintenance of a "family" situation isn't something that has been on my agenda for a very long time. I do know that I'm not alone in the way that I feel about relationships.

For some of us, like myself, who are very much in the "public" eye because of the work that we do, privacy can be relished and a precious commodity. At least that's my opinion and the way that things are in my life. When I'm out there doing the jobs that I do, I'm always "on call" and have to perform in whatever way in the "eye" of the public.

I do feel very much for those who come on this site and think that they simply have to be in some sort of close, intimate relationship with someone and look for the ways to solve the problems that there might be in those relationships. For them, it's what you might say is a "calling" in their life.

Close, intimate relationships, aren't the norm for everyone though. And, you know what? That's okay!

[amicon]

That's very true Clough.
It's very much OK.

[Clough]

Thanks, amicon! :)

I couldn't spread the "love" so soon again!

[rockie100]

Better to of lost in love than to have never loved at all.

[amicon]

Me neither Clough! :-)

[nevaeh7]

So like the next guy that tells you that your beautiful, asks to get to know you, gives you that special look, brushes that piece of hair from your face, opens a door for you, takes your hand while walking, (Oh, Im out of breath) comes along... You say "sorry, I just dont see the point."
I think its human nature to want a companion in life. Its the gamble most people think is worth the risk.

Here here! I like this one
I haven't been on here for a while, life must be good, it seems that for me I only come onto places like this when times are hard, but I have been viewing life very differently and like most of us I have had expieriences mostly bad ones and felt that the only place to be was alone, then that way I couldn't get hurt any more.
But life has a way of drawing you out and before you know it you have slowly let down those barriers and then some people intrigue you and you want to kow more about them, then bang before you even realise it you are drawn to specific people weather it's a relationship or a friendship or whatever it may be- I have learnt that I have many flaws mostly from my relationships and that in fact I am quiet a complex person, very hard to live with, and I have found that others have some very different flaws and some of which I cannot live with, so does that make us bad people if we end a relationship or on the other hand we receive a rejection from some other person because they cannot live with our flaws! Hmm I don't know.
I have hopefully taken on the advice in the quest to make myself a better person in the hope that one day there will be someone that will accept me just as I am.
Because for the first time in my life I am accepting of myself... flaws and all

I said that I only seem to come on here when times are bad.. this time life is good. Nothing much has changed but I am viewing things from a very different place within..
This may sound very big headed and its not meant to sound that way, but I now love myself! And for me that's where it has all started to make sense...

Not sure this will help anyone but it certainly helped me

[Cat1864]

I don't think we can judge all relationships by those we deal with on the relationship boards. Like a consumer hotline, we see mainly the complaints and fears. In reality, how many people come to a help site to praise their relationship?

'Soul mates' may or may not exist, however, I do believe that some relationships are 'meant to be'. At least, their beginnings were meant to be. It is up to the couple involved to do the work to keep the relationship strong and healthy. I tend to think of it as being given a beautiful garden. The garden needs to be tended to stay beautiful. If it isn't then the garden either dies or becomes a tangled mess. As it is tended, it does change to reflect the likes and dislikes of those tending it until it is a different garden than how it began. Some trees mature and change the plantings around them. Some plants are composted to make fertilizer for the next plants.

Even after twenty-four years with my mate, I still feel the same way about him that I did when we first got together. I still find myself glowing when I think of him or he walks in the room. I still 'melt' inside when I hear his voice or he takes my hand. Through the normal challenges that marriages have, I have tried to nurture and protect the love I feel for him and to allow myself to feel loved in return. I embrace the differences that are a constant challenge to balance because those differences are as much a part of 'us' as the similarities are.

Is it pointless to put so much effort into something that could be gone tomorrow? No.

[tara1]

Reading this board full of relationship problems, I have decided to 'look for the good days, not the happy endings'.