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stout143 · Jul 30, 2014, 04:18 PM

I have a boyfriend of about 10 months now. When we met we lived close but I had to move about an hour away. He has a female friend he works with sometimes (she pays him to help). It did not bother me till he lied about working with her once and he had previously told me he use to to want to have sex with her. Though nothing has ever happened between them. They have been friends for several years. He has talked about how fit she is blahblah. It has started to bother me now because it seems every time he comes to see me for a few days then he leaves and the first thing he does is end up working with her. He doesn't usually tell me till after the fact. He had me pick him up last time so I could meet her. To ease my mind I guess but that doesn't really help.

Well he left his pressure washer with her awhile back and we fought about him getting it. He questions me about things I am not doing and makes a lot of accusations about what I do when he is away. I am a single mom with a special need child and don't even have many friends. I don't lie to him but he still accuses me a lot. Any way. He knows how I feel and he knows why. He left here yesterday and I talked to him several times this morning then he was suddenly gone all day. No phone call to me yet he managed to call his house because they told me he called and said he would be home in 20 mins. I waited. After about 3 hours I called his house and he was home but helping a neighbor. He called me back 15 mins. later. I didn't answer. He left a message and stated he was helping the neighbor and briefly mentioned he went to get his power washer. He should have told me before he left and I don't see why he could not have called me all day. She only lives about 30 mins. from him.

Now should I just blow it off like I don't care or should I just throw in the towel because frankly I feel he is not being honest about her or he is trying to make me think something though I have no proof. Help

Homegirl 50 · Jul 30, 2014, 04:51 PM

Whether he is guilty or not, you obviously think he is and your relationship is going to fall apart. You either trust him and stop crabbing or leave him alone.

stout143 · Jul 30, 2014, 05:27 PM

That's what I'm struggling with. Should I trust him. He should have let me know before he left I feel it is disrespectful but is it worth being upset. I don't know how to handle this. And telling him it hurt me well I've already done that... so what would you do?

smoothy · Jul 30, 2014, 05:36 PM

If you can't decide... then the relationship is going to fall apart... if any of my previous girlfriends ever started on me like that... I'd walk out the door and she wouldn't get a second chance.

talaniman · Jul 30, 2014, 05:48 PM

Most guys wouldn't have anything to do with an insecure female who didn't trust them for no apparent reason. He will get tired of it unless you get control of yourself.

stout143 · Jul 31, 2014, 01:26 AM

So you guys would not mind your woman hanging out with a man whom she said she wanted to have sex with and has lied to you about spending time with him? Andit wouldn't bother you that she runs to him when ever she is away from you?

smoothy · Jul 31, 2014, 04:58 AM

From what you wrote.. I don't see a problem.

I'd LOVE to sleep with my wife's best friend (who is also married)... and they both know it... we are all good friends and they both (actually all of us) also know wanting to do something doesn't mean its ever going to happen. As adults you are supposed to be in control of yourself and not act on every impulse you have.

talaniman · Jul 31, 2014, 06:05 AM

I wouldn't be with a person who couldn't be trusted to handle their business correctly. Or didn't trust me!

Homegirl 50 · Jul 31, 2014, 08:03 AM

If all of this is going on and it bothers you, he knows it bothers you, then why stay with him? That would get on my nerves but if he is on the up and up and is your man, he would set boundaries with this woman. If he does no want to what is the point of you staying with him if this bothers you.

DoulaLC · Jul 31, 2014, 11:08 AM

Given that he also questions you and makes accusations, it sounds as though neither of you trusts the other.

Decide if he is what you really want in a boyfriend. Has the 10 months been enough to know whether he is it? Think about how the two of you interact, how you handle problems that come up, how you spend your time together, etc.. What are the pros and cons of being in the relationship? If things continue as they are, is it worth staying and worrying about it?

Give it some careful consideration and talk to him about how you are feeling. His response may very well let you know whether things can improve, or if they will stay the same.