[zalkarad]

Hello! I am 28, she is 20. We met 3 weeks ago at a party and not only that she looks pretty good, but I like the way she is, her character, a lot. How should I approach her? We went out and she said that she had an excellent time. Some days later, through messages, we engaged in a more serious conversation about us trying to be more than friends etcetera. First she said that we should remain friends, then that we should just live the present, not think about the future. Now, I know she is at that age where she doesn't know what she really wants, but we will meet again today. Should I open the conversation again or... just have a good time? I don't want to push her, nor do I want to hang out with her forever just as friends. Because from my experience, as I told her, a man and a woman being best friends and always chatting and going out, in the end, ends up in the end by barely talking to each other. It isn't t that I fell in love with her, I don't feel any butterflies, but I like her company a lot.

[Catsmine]

Don't rush. Let the friendship grow but continue to be flirtatious. Letting her decide on how physical to get is the surest way for friends to become lovers.

[talaniman]

You date and have fun while you get to know each other and give her a chance to know you too. 6 months is a good time for that. You want more than friends yet you are not in love. What is it YOU really want from her?

A title, commitment, sex, what? 3 weeks is a little soon for all of that or the but what's obvious is you assume because she is younger than you she doesn't know what she wants. Its my experience that females may give you a chance, even as friends,and they do know already what they DON'T want. You have had girlfriends before, and you already know stuff happens and you end up not being together, and not talking.

So please explain what more than friends means. You seem to be unsure yourself.

[smoothy]

At your age 8 years is a lot... if you was 48 or even 58, it would be a lot less significant. But as Tal points out... too soon to call anything yet. Give it time, you might eventually see generational issues that might bother you. Or maybe you won't.

[zalkarad]

talaniman. I find her as being a cool person, exactly my type.we found we have a lot of small things in common from the first date.It wasn't love at first sight, but it is that type of person that you don't want to loose.true,3 weeks is a little too early.Actually my STEP grandpa and her grandpa were cousins.So we are sort of like 3rd degree step cousins.I wonder if that also matters to her.yesterday she told me that until 2 days ago she saw me like a cousin and now as her friend but she thinks that this is as far as it should go. And later, yesterday, she said that actually she doesn't t like to make plans.Still we will go out today and talk about this. She isn't very convinced of what she wants. She already knows that I like her, but I shouldn't push her to take a decision yet,right?Cause chances are that she would say no.

[joypulv]

Not only does it sound like you are jumping into all this much too soon, but every single thing she has said clearly is saying that too. If you don't take it easy, you are going to lose her before you even have a chance.
Many of your little phrases about her being exactly your type are just flat out ridiculous. You have NO IDEA if that's really true in the humdrum year to year ways that two people have to adapt and adjust and compromise together. And it's beside the point, because you have to be her type too, and you aren't. Not yet. And you aren't going to be at the rate you are pushing this.

[Homegirl 50]

Why are you in such a hurry with her? It appears she has already told you where she is. You need to respect that. Accept the friendship or leave her alone.

[talaniman]

Chances are she has already defined things and hopes you respect it. To keep talking on this more will surely push her away as she may have no romantic intentions, so maybe accept and enjoy the friendship would be the way to go.

If a girlfriend is what you want, I would be looking elsewhere to be honest. At least don't get carried away at this point and get pushy, nor have some unrealistic expectations. If you want things to stay cool, then you better BE COOL.

Given you know each other as "family" I highly recommend you keep the boundaries of good behavior in the forefront of your mind. I hope more than friends on your part is GOOD friends, as I note you dodge the whole question of what you expect of HER.

What is it YOU really want from her? A title, commitment, sex, what?

So what does "more than friends" really mean to YOU?

From what you have written, you are smitten, and don't know what YOU want.

[zalkarad]

A Girlfrend.this is the answer.not just an affair.

[Nisha Solanki]

Age differenece does not matter much if you both are matured enough to understand each other. But by the way 3 weeks is really a short to understand someone's character. So don't rush. Let your friendship grow. Both of you understand each other better and then think further. May be till that she may understand what she wants and she may also like your nature.
Be cool with her whenever you go with her till she responds.

[talaniman]

we engaged in a more serious conversation about us trying to be more than friends etcetera. First she said that we should remain friends, then that we should just live the present, not think about the future.

So we are sort of like 3rd degree step cousins.I wonder if that also matters to her.yesterday she told me that until 2 days ago she saw me like a cousin and now as her friend but she thinks that this is as far as it should go. And later, yesterday, she said that actually she doesn't t like to make plans.

Sorry guy, but you are listening to what your heart is saying and NOT what she is gently TELLING you. She knows she doesn't want a 3rd cousin as a boyfriend. Now if you pursue this to change her mind, then you must accept the consequences of your actions, and intentions.

Don't blame her for NOT wanting what YOU want.