[sene21]

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months, and everything has been going well but he tends to downplay certain situations. One night he was on his phone and as I was laying on the bed I saw a pic of a female with no underwear and a shirt pop up on his phone (it was a msg). He exited from the image quick. Kind of like he wasn't expecting it to be there. The next morning, I asked him if the woman was sending him pictures and he was honest and said yes. His explanation was that his ex who currently resides in Germany was sending him the pictures. He also made it clear that she was in a relationship and he didn't understand why she was sending pictures. BUUUUUUT I still didn't believe him! I don't know why, but my intuition was telling me there was more. Well this morning I decided to go against my no snooping rule to find out what was really going on and I did! He was texting an ex from Moscow! This is what I saw

Friday
Him: I guess its been hard to see a full sexy body
Her: shy face. You will see it. Later ok?
Him: Ok
Her: Insatiable you are
Sunday
Her: A PIC OF HER HOLDING A BOOB!
Him: I miss those sexy breast n nipples
Her: I miss you
Her: Yep I am
Her: I am in Moscow
Her: How are you dear?
Her: Sad face
Him: I'm good dear

I COULDN'T READ ANYMORE, BECAUSE I WAS SEETHING IN ANGER!! I haven't spoken to him about this as of yet, but I don't really know how to bring this up being that I snooped! He is sensing that something is wrong, I just asked him about us and was he happy and he said and he does see a bright future with me. I'm not worried about an ex in Moscow, but I am worried about the behavior. Should I bring it up and how should I if I do? Should I even bother?

[Homegirl 50]

When you snoop you often find what you're looking for. I personally don't see a future with someone who has a sexting buddy but that's me. You have to decide for yourself. Be honest with him as you want him to be with you. Let him know you snooped.

[smoothy]

THis is going to be harsh, but if you snoop, you deserve what happens.

If I was dating you and you did this... I would end it with you. In fact I have a few times. Because you don't respect anyone else's property or privacy. I value mine... its all about respect... violating my privacy is extremely disrespectful to me.

You have ONLY dated him five months... you don't even have the right to expect exclusivity until an engagement ring is on your hand, you don't even have the right to snoop after you get married.

Why after only five months do you think you have the right of exclusivity a wife has? You barely even know each other at five months.

[Cat1864]

I do not agree with snooping even if it comes up with evidence. Generally I believe if you are concerned enough to snoop then the trust necessary to keep a relationship viable is missing. When trust is gone it is very difficult for a relationship to survive.

At this moment you do not trust him and you seem to have reason.

Be honest with him. Tell him you snooped and why. If he gets upset at the invasion into his privacy then so be it. Better to work through all of this now rather than later.

[DoulaLC]

Are you living together? Have you discussed whether you are still open to seeing other people or only each other?

If you sense that something is going on, you ask about it, which you did. In this case, he was honest... to a degree. His ex was sending pictures, however, he omitted the part about chatting with her in such a way that some would see as being disrespectful to you. No doubt some people would think it not a big deal, only flirting a bit, but others would see it as crossing the line and cause for concern.

As smoothy said, if you are just dating, that is one thing... but if you are exclusively dating, that is entirely different. Expectations are higher.

This will eat at you until you get it out in the open now. Tell him that you felt something more was occurring, that yes, you snooped, and now you are even more concerned about your relationship. He may see it as simply chatting with an old girlfriend and making remarks he thinks made him appear cool or seductive, but not meaning anything more by it.

Whatever his response is, you'll have to decide if it is enough to end the relationship over or if it can be something that will be a catalyst for the two of you to start discussing boundaries in your relationship that you both can be comfortable with.

[Jake2008]

Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk, and sexting and having intimate conversations with other women on his phone or otherwise, doesn't make him worth any investment of time or effort.

Why does it matter what he's done. The truth is, you know what he's done, and you know him a little bit better now, even if it was through snooping. Better to know now and get out, than get stuck with a baby and a mortgage and car payments while he continues his little trysts.

I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

[talaniman]

He hasn't been truthful, and you are afraid to be truthful. Not good for a 5 month experiment. Its already tainted. I would evaluate it closely. Saying nothing and nothing changes. One wonders the level of commitment or agreement between you.