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playbunny_1995 · Jun 20, 2014, 11:55 AM

We'll I am 19 and my man is 38 and yeah I know he old for me but I love him so this is my question I want to see my man but parents are so strict and I don't know how to talk them down I can't do whatever I want I know I am 19 but they are paying for my college so I got to get in my parents good side any suggesting to how to talk my father especially down ?

Wondergirl · Jun 20, 2014, 12:02 PM

Tell us more about your man. Why would we (and your father) like him? How did you meet him?

playbunny_1995 · Jun 20, 2014, 12:06 PM

We'll my man is respectful,hard working ,loyal ,nice and my father knows about him and saw him before but I don't know if my father would let me go out like hang out and with out my sister because I think I am grown to be with an 8 and 15 checking on me -,-

Wondergirl · Jun 20, 2014, 12:11 PM

Are you in the US? If so, which state? Why do you think he would be against this man if he already knows him?

playbunny_1995 · Jun 20, 2014, 12:17 PM

Yes I am in the U.S New Jersey... Well my father is a religious freak but my father knows I text him and I call him on my cellphone only thing I might not be able to hang out with my boyfriend because what I think they think is that we might have sex

Wondergirl · Jun 20, 2014, 12:21 PM

Calling your father a "religious freak" does not encourage me to take your side any longer.

If you date this guy, your father will cut off your college money? So what? Take out student loans. Will your father kick you out too?

smoothy · Jun 20, 2014, 12:23 PM

He should relate well with dad... they are about the same age.

Seriously though... you are still at home, you've never been out on your own... and while you are legally an adult due to age... there is a LOT of growing up you do after you actually have to support yourself and rely only on yourself you haven't had the opportunity to do yet. Plus you really aren't done maturing into the adult you will be until you are in your early 20's. Meaning what you like and want now... is almost certain to be very different in another 4 or 5 years.

He very well might be a nice guy... but what can you both really have in common? I can relate to that because I had someone your age come on to me hard and heavy when I was about his age... it was awkward because she was one of the people I had to deal with as a customer... and that ever present issue of a wedding ring on my hand... which she didn't care about... but I did.

Lets say as a guy I was charmed someone her age would see past some of the obvious things... and well... there is the reliving your youth thing too. And it would have been super easy to persuade her into almost anything if I was so inclined... not saying I wasn't tempted mightily (she was cute AND had a hell of a rack)... but in the end even if I was single... there wasn't really the meeting of minds, oh the hormone thing was in overdrive... but with an age gap you really didn't have that same level of the meeting of the minds you do have with someone of your own generation. And there is a LOT more to life than sex. What do you talk about the rest of the day?

It all does boil down to... your parents house... your parents rules.

Wait until after you finish college... if he's still around... deal with it then. Until then... make sure you use protection, and so does he, both.

YOu don't want to get pregnant, or catch anything....I honestly don't think its going to last long for all the reasons I said. this is all about hormones...and not much about using logic. On either of your parts. Maybe there is a lesson here for you to learn....I don't suspect you would simply take anyones word for it. Hopefully it won't be a very costly lesson.

talaniman · Jun 20, 2014, 01:56 PM

Harshness Warning

Is this the same guy sending you gifts from overseas that you can't give him your address, or the guy who can't afford anything better than a roach motel for prom night sex? Is everything you do behind your parents back? No wonder they are so strict on you. You think they are stupid. I mean if your dad KNOWS this fellow, and KNOWS you talk to him, then he KNOWS when to call the cops or beat his a$$ when he steps out of bounds.

Since your dad KNOWS you lack common sense, discipline, and boundaries, he will continue to be very strict. If this fellow was a true man he would approach your dad properly with his feelings and intentions and not expect a young rebellious kid to pave the way for him. If you had common sense you wouldn't be asking strangers how to get permission from your religious nut father to date a guy twice your age openly.

You do better trying to be a grateful and honest daughter who is lucky your crazy religious dad protects and educates you, and stop this dishonesty and deceit, before reality bites you in the butt.

tickle · Jun 20, 2014, 02:37 PM

Bravo. All of you. I could not have said it better

Homegirl 50 · Jun 20, 2014, 03:25 PM

I have to spread the rep talaniman. Your advice is spot on!

If this guy is so respectable, he would be talking to your dad about his intentions. How long have you known this man?

playbunny_1995 · Jun 20, 2014, 05:14 PM

He did my father knows about him and everything they talked about me I just want to know how I could hang out with him like how to talk my father down -,-

Wondergirl · Jun 20, 2014, 05:16 PM

Why is your father against him? Name three reasons.

odinn7 · Jun 20, 2014, 06:59 PM

I read your other stuff...I agree with your dad and if you were my daughter, you would not be able to "talk me down"...not about this guy...not after the way you have been.

smoothy · Jun 20, 2014, 07:23 PM

I need to read some of the other stuff... I might not be as nice about it as I was.

I see an older guy taking advantage of a legal, but much younger woman who doesn't know better yet. Fathers instincts are right because he understands guys that age because he is one himself.

I'm betting its all about the booty call for him.. and she just sees a smooth talking guy that's learned a lot more than the average 19 year old guy knows to sweettalk his way into whatever he wants. An 18 year old is a LOT easier to talk into anything than a 28 or 38 year old is. But unlike a 16 year old...an 18 year old is an adult and responsible for thier own actions or mistakes.

talaniman · Jun 20, 2014, 09:51 PM

Originally Posted by playbunny_1995

He did my father knows about him and everything they talked about me I just want to know how I could hang out with him like how to talk my father down -,-

Talk directly to your father. Crazy, religious whatever, he is still your father. Its called straight up honesty, try it, at least you will know how he feels and what you can expect without the games and deceit.

You said you are mature, this is your chance to act like it.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 21, 2014, 05:15 AM

You have a history of bad choices. This man is another bad choice. I say you concentrate on college maybe get a job and leave the older men alone. You are wearing a neon sign saying I'm vulnerable. This man is too old for you and if he were decent he would leave you alone. Think about what you have been doing the last 3 years of your life and learn from it. It's time to grow up.
Leave men alone until you are able to make better choices.

Jake2008 · Jun 22, 2014, 06:26 AM

And if your father freaks out (as he likely will), what then.

And if you know your father will freak out, perhaps your hesitation also means you sort of get why?

Stay away from men who are almost twice your age. You are being sucked into a relationship that is secret. If he were any kind of man at all, not only would he not be dating a kid, he'd not be hiding the fact. With your parents, or anyone else.

You are being suckered, and risk losing much. Is it worth it?