[Dan_B]

I was speaking to a very special friend I met months ago on a site called Experience Project and fell in love with - I wrote a poem for her birthday - and she said that because we live so far apart that it was best if we just remain friends. She asked if I was upset - and I was, very much so. She said she feels horrible about making me feel upset, and that just made me worse, I don't want her to feel bad at all, it hurts me a lot when she's upset about stuff.

I said to her that if we're just going to remain friends then I'd like to show her the poem now, instead of on her birthday since the message would be irrelevant if I waited any more. She said it was beautiful, but I could hear the sadness in her voice. We said goodnight and I went to bed - I don't think I've ever cried like that in years. We still talk on Facebook, just as friends - I love her so much and I love talking to her, but every word she says is like a knife in me.

We're about 650 miles apart. She live's in Sussex in England, I live in the NE Scotland. That's not that far and I am more than willing to travel. I know that she cares about me, she said the only thing between us and happiness is the miles. Maybe there is still a chance, I mean, I had always planned to go to a film school down there when I had the cash anyway. I may just be living in a half faded fantasy, and I may be heartbroken, but if there's one thing I'm not - it's a quitter.

I was talking to her on Saturday night on Facebook and she was very drunk and upset and crying and I was comforting her, and making sure she was drinking plenty of water. She keeps saying how sorry she is and how much she loves me - and that hurt so much. I don't know if it's actually her. She says she's been crying about it too. She showed me this song, saying it makes her cry every time - and she begged me not to give up on her.

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I stayed up all night comforting her - I refused to go to sleep until I knew she was safely in bed and that wasn't until 6am. I had been thinking about that all day yesterday, and I thought if she said that to me when she was drunk then maybe she did feel that way but was too afraid to say anything - so I told her last night just how much she means to me. She said that if we keep talking it's going to get too complicated and one of us will get hurt, so now I'm worried I'm going to lose her forever. That was another night I spent crying in bed. I just don't know what to think any more. I was in the library at school today reading and then I started looking back at our conversations and I started to tear up again. I wish she would realise just how much I love her and what I'm willing to do to be with her. I have cried myself to sleep twice and cried at school now, it's getting out of control, but I don't want her to know how much I'm hurting because she'll blame herself and I don't want to see her upset again because it hurts me :(

[DoulaLC]

Hi Dan_B,

It's rough when you are not in the same place at the same time... and not just location wise. It might just be too much too fast for her and she is unsure... even if it has been a number of months.

It may be difficult, but try to step back and slow it down. Continue talking online, call on the phone once in awhile, perhaps plan to meet in person at some point. Keep it friendly and upbeat. She knows how you feel, so try not to press her for more than she is ready for right now. She's not ending things... she is just not ready for something so serious.

Long distance relationships/friendships are built on communication, since that is mostly all you have. Spend the time learning more about each other and just enjoy the conversation. But don't forget to spend time with friends close to home, and focus on school and other interests.

In time, who knows, things may progress and become more serious for both of you, or you may just find that you have a good friend in Sussex. The point is, don't push for more. If it's going to work out, it will.

[joypulv]

What exactly are the logistical problems for you to travel for a short visit? You are in school (what year?) and summer is almost here. If you work this summer, you can go see her at the end of the job. There really is no such thing as love for someone you've never met and spent time with in person, despite all the intense infatuation you are feeling. Love requires time, and it has to be time in person, sorry. Sometimes the tiniest things reveal themselves and people instantly fall out of love. So stop this overly dramatic weepy stuff and start planning how you are going to spend 3 days with her.
Heck, I once drove over 600 miles each way to get my dog. One day to get there, the next day to get home. So what's the big deal? If you're broke, get a menial student job.

[Dan_B]

What exactly are the logistical problems for you to travel for a short visit? You are in school (what year?) and summer is almost here. If you work this summer, you can go see her at the end of the job. There really is no such thing as love for someone you've never met and spent time with in person, despite all the intense infatuation you are feeling. Love requires time, and it has to be time in person, sorry. Sometimes the tiniest things reveal themselves and people instantly fall out of love. So stop this overly dramatic weepy stuff and start planning how you are going to spend 3 days with her.
Heck, I once drove over 600 miles each way to get my dog. One day to get there, the next day to get home. So what's the big deal? If you're broke, get a menial student job.

That's what I'm planning on doing. I have a summer job and that will end just before the I'm done with my driving lessons. I won't get a chance at the end of summer because we will both have college and stuff starting up again but the autumn break is the perfect opportunity.

[talaniman]

You poor hopeless romantic. Can't control those intense feelings and that's very touching, but reality check, the distance makes more than what you have impossible. Sucks but unless you figure it out with her help, then deal with the reality and don't let the fantasy hurt you.

You seem to be an addition to her life, while you have made her an unrealistically high priority. Come on get real and get those feelings under control. This ain't a movie. Back off if you have to and enjoy your real life. Me, I would tell her you wanted to visit soon. See what she says and go from there. I know you have the loot.

Let me know what she says.

[Homegirl 50]

I don't think her feelings for you are as intense, so you might want to back off a bit. All of this weeping is a bit much.
Talk to her enjoy your chats, but keep a life going where you are.

[smoothy]

I see a very unhealty obsession with the fantasy of someone far far away,(fantasy because you never met them face to face and haven't actually dated them) when apparently you can't find one of the very numerous local women... who statistically outnumber men slightly.

YOU think mom and dad are going to give their car keys and car to someone who just got their license to drive to another country (it may be the UK but England and Scottland are Two different countries) to meet someone they met on the internet?... I think someone needs a reality check. Not to mention MONEY, because at the price of fuel in the UK (crazy expensive) plus food, plus hotel costs.....you arent going to be paying for that with a part time job for quite a while.

I mean seriously....crying??????????????????? Good grief.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry but you can not be that deeply in love. Love comes from being with them, spending time together. You have emotional feelings but have to put some reality.

You have no plan what so ever to see her for at least a year. Do you expect her. Or you not to date and have real life dates waiting on someone that has not even found a way to see each other. and i is not that far. not sure transportation there, buses are normally less expensive. how often do you video talk ? if you want this to be a real relationship you need to come up with real ways to see each other 2 or 3 times a year at least. or just be friends and wait to see later what happens.

this is on the way to be a heatbreak for you, you will waste most of these years wanting a internet person and not living real life

[Jake2008]

You need to tell her to stop stringing you along when she's in a drunken stupor.

You need to get it in your head that there is no possible way, when she is sober, that she wants a relationship with you.

It doesn't count when she's drunk, to profess love. Drunks say all kinds of things they don't even remember in the morning, and feel quite insulted that you took the words they can't remember, to heart.

Stop this nonsense.

Find a girl who you can develop a real friendship with, give and take, mutual respect, common interests (locally), and stop wasting your time thinking that drunk conversations in the middle of the night with a girl 600 miles away, means anything!!

Time to end this non-relationhip. Seriously. It's going nowhere.