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Ultra Member
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Sep 16, 2021, 04:24 PM
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Annunciation
The Moment Before Everything
To get to you,
I traveled light years
Through cosmic storms and dust.
Only to find you sleeping
On your simple cot.
Stepping back,
I folded,
Quietly,
My gray ragged wings.
I could see why he chose you,
The glow of your pure breath...
I wanted to breathe in your innocent air,
Look at your soft,
Surrendered hands,
Another second...
Before I told you the news.
Claudia Serra
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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Sep 17, 2021, 07:34 AM
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Beautiful!
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Ultra Member
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Oct 5, 2021, 10:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Beautiful!
Great title and great last line.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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Oct 5, 2021, 10:23 AM
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Is these hers too? (Same style but different surname spelling, Serea)
After the Storm
Giants sat here
after they ran through the field.
It’s calm now.
Under my feet,
the ants rush to rebuild
their ravaged homes
and highways.
A chickadee calls my name
in the pear tree.
I don’t answer.
There is nothing I can do.
In the sky, God sweeps the debris
over the horizon line,
paints his house blue
and fixes the fence.
**********
Late at night, the light is still on
In his repair shop,
the old man shines the shoes of the immigrants,
fixes the heels
with nails he holds in his mouth,
and glues
the broken soles.
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Ultra Member
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Oct 5, 2021, 02:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Is these hers too? (Same style but different surname spelling, Serea)
I don't know, but definitely a similar style. I like the old man shoemaker. Has religious overtones.
Soles - souls?
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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Oct 5, 2021, 02:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Athos
.Soles - souls?
Good catch! I missed that homophone.
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Ultra Member
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Oct 5, 2021, 02:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Athos
Soles - souls?
Nails - an allusion to the cross?
Immigrants - the poor, the downtrodden, the broken-hearted?
(I may be getting carried away).
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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Oct 5, 2021, 02:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Athos
Nails - an allusion to the cross?
Immigrants - the poor, the downtrodden, the broken-hearted?
(I may be getting carried away).
Nope! I reread the poems. You're on target.
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Ultra Member
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Oct 5, 2021, 03:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Nope! I reread the poems. You're on target.
Late at night, the light is still on
Jesus is always with us.
I could go on but, as Michaelangelo advised, it's important to know when to stop.
The first poem is more complex. Any thoughts?
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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Oct 5, 2021, 07:04 PM
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Go for it! You explicate so well!
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Ultra Member
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Oct 5, 2021, 08:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Go for it! You explicate so well!
A chickadee calls my name
in the pear tree.
I don’t answer.
There is nothing I can do.
The pathos in those lines is palpable.
Afterwards ('After The Storm'), it's calm with the passing of the 'giant' that devastated even the ants. I ('my name') am helpless to make it like it was but nature ('God'?) moves the storm away ('over the horizon') and restores the blue sky ('paints his house blue') and ('fixes the fence') - all is again well with the world.
The above paragraph is an excellent example of why a poem can't always be explicated - at least not by me. Good poetry arouses feeling, not always words, and this one is loaded with feeling.
It allows the reader to take the poem inside, wordlessly, to the heart where it can be discovered for the first time.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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Oct 7, 2021, 11:20 AM
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Nice! Now please explicate The Moment Before Everything. The simple words of the title are especially thought-provoking.
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Ultra Member
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Oct 7, 2021, 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Nice! Now please explicate The Moment Before Everything. The simple words of the title are especially thought-provoking.
I love that title.
In the monastery they had a Byzantine Icon on the wall. The three figures represented the Holy Trinity. To the side in the background was an upside-down house. I asked the monk what did it mean?
He said that the Incarnation turned the world upside-down, everything was topsy-turvy from that point on. He said it with such joy and conviction, I couldn't help but smile. Sometimes imagination sees in ways that doctrine never can.
The title reminded me of that monk's outlook. There was one last moment before the angel announced that Mary would be the mother of God. After that moment came "everything" - the Incarnation would herald a new world, never to go back, and all things would change. ( O Happy Sin!)
I don't say it's for everyone, just the way one monk hit the heart of the matter and how it immediately got to me without the slightest need to parse what the monk said.
To the monk, "Mother of God" was the homely way he thought of Mary. He wasn't speaking as a theologian.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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Oct 7, 2021, 03:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Athos
I love that title.
I do too.
He said that the Incarnation turned the world upside-down, everything was topsy-turvy from that point on.
Hmm, I'd say the world had been turned upside down by Adam and Eve. Now, because of this moment, this conception and eventual birth, everything would be restored.
The title reminded me of that monk's outlook. There was one last moment before the angel announced that Mary would be the mother of God. After that moment came "everything" - the Incarnation would herald a new world, never to go back, and all things would change.
Yes!
How about this phrase: "My gray ragged wings"?
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Ultra Member
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Oct 7, 2021, 07:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
I do too.
Hmm, I'd say the world had been turned upside down by Adam and Eve. Now, because of this moment, this conception and eventual birth, everything would be restored.
What he meant was everything will be new, not just restored. But that's a great thing about poetry - we can have different ideas about the poem, one as valid as the other.
How about this phrase: "My gray ragged wings"?
Have to think about that. It didn't strike me on first reading. Maybe I missed something.
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Jobs & Parenting Expert
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Oct 7, 2021, 08:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Athos
What he meant was everything will be new, not just restored.
A new heaven and a new earth? Maybe we'll be on that new earth. Does that make me a JW?
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Ultra Member
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Oct 7, 2021, 09:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
A new heaven and a new earth? Maybe we'll be on that new earth. Does that make me a JW?
Whatever floats your boat.
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