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QueenOfDenial2 · Apr 30, 2011, 12:45 PM

I have only know this guy for a little over two years. I'm married with 4 kids, he is engaged and has 1 child. He isn't that good looking, in fact I don't even know why I am so drawn to him. I'm not even sure if he's into me. He will act like he is one minute and then completely avoid me the next. What should I do and why am I feeling this way? I am even dreaming about this guy at night.

Wondergirl · Apr 30, 2011, 12:48 PM

You do nothing. You are married. He is engaged.

DoulaLC · Apr 30, 2011, 06:15 PM

Are you happy in your marriage? As Wondergirl said, you do nothing. Avoid him as much as possible, focus on your husband and reconnecting with him if you feel you have become overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a wife and mother.

massplumber2008 · May 2, 2011, 03:41 PM

Hi Queenofdenial2:

I don't know if this will help, but I think most people in your situation forget to stop and think of exactly how stuff like this will affect the 4 (or more) children for the rest of their lives... ;)

Divorce equals new partners for you and your husband, right? Tough on the children getting split between 2 new families.

You would get the kids most of the time, I'd bet, but you would definitely miss out on some experiences you don't want to miss out on.

I could go on with a really long list as I have seen this happen with quite a few marriages over the years. Suffice it to say that most of the new relationships failed miserably as they were based on attraction/loneliness, that kind of stuff and the families really did suffer as a result!

As Doula said, if possible, find a way to reconnect with your husband and see if you can find a way to make things exciting again. In this way you and your husband will get to raise your children together as you planned from the start!

Best wishes to you...

Mark

talaniman · May 7, 2011, 04:53 PM

How about controlling your feelings with the dignity and respect of a married woman.

Its okay to have feelings and even to fantasize about others.

Its not okay to act on those feelings in inappropriate ways. If you have trouble staying within the boundaries of good behavior, ask your husband to help you.

That's what he is for. To keep you honest!!

ITstudent2006 · May 7, 2011, 05:18 PM

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

I agree with Tal.

Going your entire life without ever thinking of another person is rather impossible. It's what you do from here that defines you as a wife, mother, woman, human being. Take this time to reconnect with your husband (who at one time stole your heart) and your children (regardless of age).

If you truly are unhappy in your marriage there are ways to go about separating but on the basis of a new attraction, I definitely advise against it. As many had said, any new relationship is usually based solely off lust and the feeling of being new and fresh. That will wear off... then you're stuck alone, with a resentful husband and broken-family kids.

jackeve · May 13, 2011, 02:22 AM

Focus on your marriage and stop thinking about this guy. One thing I want you to know is he doesn't love you. Your husband and children love you so much. Think about your husband and you will dream about him. You think about this guy that is why you dream about him, stop thinking about him. This man doesn't love you.