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degoqueen · Jan 12, 2010, 02:03 PM

Entired story merged

Not trying to make this long, basically I've been with this one guy for 2 and a half years, and I'm ready to know if he wants a future because I moved to a new city with him actually FOR him. I love him to death but he says things like "if i ever get married...." and when I mention it he tells me to drop the subject so I don't know where he stands. I asked him and he said he doesn't like to think about the future. And then my buddy comes along, a breath of fresh air he is, I like him too and I dated him before and we were really good just really young, he works at a good job, owns a house and can actually see a future with me because we know each other well and everything and my current man is still in college, and I just don't know what to do, I love them both, but I'm lost

I wish · Jan 12, 2010, 02:07 PM

If you're lost, then back away from your situation so that you can reflect on what YOU want.

If you're not getting what you want from your current relationship, then try to work things out. If you can't work things out, then maybe it's time to go your separate ways.

I wouldn't put so much weight on your other friend right now because you're in a vulnerable state. Your current relationship is up in the air, so you're looking at another guy to fill the void. In other words, you're basically setting yourself up for a rebound in case you break up from your current relationship.

degoqueen · Jan 12, 2010, 02:12 PM

I just don't get it though, like this one guy really likes me and I like him a lot too but I love my boyfriend as well, my boyfriend and I are really good together and I want to be with him forever but the way he is talking its not giving me the right state of mind, he tells me that he wants to think about the now and not about the future. I don't get it... why wouldn't he be thinking about these things when were going on our 3rd year together

I wish · Jan 12, 2010, 02:15 PM

The problem I see is that you're combining both guys into 1 guy in your mind to have a "complete" guy. The reason is because both guys provide different things to you. But in reality, there are two different guys and when you look at them separately, they are incomplete.

You already admitted that you're confused. So what you should do is back away and figure out what you want first, before taking the next step.

Otherwise, you're just leading both guys on. It's unfair to you and unfair to them.

degoqueen · Jan 12, 2010, 02:17 PM

How do I back off though, just tell him I need to think about things

neverme · Jan 12, 2010, 02:17 PM

WARNING: HARSH!

To be honest I think that because you are selfish and obviously don't have the strong feelings you say you do about you boyfriend when you can easily engage in this complete fantasy with this other guy.

First, there is nothing to say that this guy is interesting in anything more than a friendship.

Secondly, this guy, whether he wants to get married deserves better than this. If you are having these thoughts you need to share them with him and work out what you want to do.

When you bring up marriage are you talking about you and him getting married? Because I think, personally, that is way to early... and I'm betting I'm right since you keep being told to drop it. Also there is the fact that there are some people that never want to get married. And there is nothing you can do to change that if that is the way he feels.

I could continue but it basically boils down to this:

I think you need to back off from both of these guys and do a little growing up!

I wish · Jan 12, 2010, 02:20 PM

Originally Posted by degoqueen

how do i back off though, just tell him i need to think about things

By asking for time and space. If he cared about you, he will respect your wishes. It's better than dragging things out and keeping everything up in limbo.

Is there a chance that you can go back home for a while, so that you can reflect on your situation without the presence of the two guys, so that you can be more objective?

degoqueen · Jan 12, 2010, 02:22 PM

He will wonder why and what do I say? I like someone else. I live with him its hard to have space when you live in an apartment with the person

neverme · Jan 12, 2010, 02:30 PM

Move out. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You need to choose what you want to do and stick with that decision.

degoqueen · Jan 12, 2010, 02:33 PM

I moved to a new city though! Thanks a lot! I get the jist of things,

degoqueen · Jan 25, 2010, 03:34 PM

So basically I love my boyfriend a lot!! And I am talking to this other guy that was dating before when I was younger, it seems like me and him get along so well and the only problem is that he's getting married but doesn't want to be with her, he has a son with her, he's of a different race and my father is very old school. I always had feelings for this other guy and I would have to move back home to be near him.. I don't know what to do

He does want to be with me as well, we get along better than me and my boyfriend do and his girlfriend and him do..

Silverfoxkit · Jan 25, 2010, 04:46 PM

Harshness Alert!

So this is what you are getting at:

You "love" your boyfriend, yet you are "talking" to another man behind his back and are considering leaving him for said man. Funny way of "loving".

Here's the real icing on the cake. Not only are you talking to another man but he is GETTING MARRIED WITH A CHILD!!

So not only are you playing with your poor boyfriend but you are interfering with another man's relationship and another woman's family. You are playing with a child's life and family.

A cheating man almost always says the same things. "I don't really love her....", "I'm going to leave her..." , "I don't really want to get married.." All of which are meant to string along the women and get what they want.

You may not be the only one at fault here but you are very much at serious fault. You very well know that he is engaged with a child. You are making the choice to allow him to have this affair with you. You are making the choice to have an affair on your boyfriend. The best thing you can do is end both of the betrayals. Leave the engaged man alone and admit to your boyfriend that you had been "talking" to another man and let him make the choice of whether he want to work on the relationship.

emopunk7 · Jan 25, 2010, 05:06 PM

If you loved your boyfriend at all, you wouldn't be doing this.

Devorameira · Jan 25, 2010, 05:59 PM

First off come down to earth - there is no way that you love your current boyfriend if you are considering walking out on him if he's done nothing to warrant it. Also the ex is already taken. If you truly feel that the relationship with your boyfriend is not going anywhere, then leave it, but don’t go back with the ex. An ex is an ex for a reason. Don't make the same mistake twice.

You're obviously very insecure and have low self esteem since you are considering these two as options. You need to walk away from both of them and work on you. Be happy with yourself so the next time you do get into a relationship you will know what you want and deserve.

jaime90 · Jan 25, 2010, 06:26 PM

You do not love your boyfriend. And chances are this guy you are talking to is lying to his fiancée saying that he "loves" her too (otherwise, I highly doubt she would've said "yes") If he is doing this, he is a liar. If you are hiding this from your boyfriend, you are a liar. Really? My advice to you is to get real.

med_josef · Jan 25, 2010, 06:59 PM

I think you need to view this choice, and realize the man has a child, growing up with a dad who is unstable, also makes your world feel unstable. This could cause this kid to hate his father (as I once did). Don't think of yourself but look at the future of a kid with a non-existent father. Plus very few are lucky enough to have two guys that are so madly in love with them. One task to realize is be happy with what you have!

CarrotTalker · Jan 25, 2010, 10:24 PM

Originally Posted by Devorameira

First off come down to earth - there is no way that you love your current boyfriend if you are considering walking out on him if he's done nothing to warrant it. Also the ex is already taken. If you truly feel that the relationship with your boyfriend is not going anywhere, then leave it, but don’t go back with the ex. An ex is an ex for a reason. Don't make the same mistake twice.

You're obviously very insecure and have low self esteem since you are considering these two as options. You need to walk away from both of them and work on you. Be happy with yourself so the next time you do get into a relationship you will know what you want and deserve.

Agreed!

amicon · Jan 26, 2010, 03:13 AM

The only problem is that he is getting married?
Wake up and smell the coffee-as in you are both emotionally cheating on your partners!

If you're not in love with your boyfriend,do the decent thing and break up with him.

And don't keep in touch with a soon to be married man whose first priorities should be his child and his wife to be.

Romefalls19 · Jan 26, 2010, 06:18 AM

You don't love your boyfriend, the old flame is using you as his last "piece" before he ties the knot. He tells you the things you want to hear, but do you really think he tells his fiancé "I want to be with someone else but I'm just marrying you because I am bored" HIGHLY unlikely.

Break up with your current boyfriend as he deserves better than you

degoqueen · Jan 26, 2010, 12:16 PM

Threads merged

My previous posts are solved, and I have fixed that other situation.

- I am with my boyfriend for 2.5 years, and am now living with him in a new city, I'm happy with him and love him very much, I want to know if my relationship is going somewhere, when I asked him he said he doesn't know and wants to live it day by day, I don't want to be married right this second but want to know if it might lead that way someday, he's 26 and I'm 21, I know I'm young still and don't plan on being married until I'm like 25. Why doesn't he think about us like that? Should I be concerned