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dez15 · Aug 7, 2005, 04:54 PM

I know there are SOME girls out there that are mature and don't do this but for the most part it seems that most girls when they turn 19 or so go on this bad streak. They feel like partying hard, being rebellious and just being wild in general. So much to the point that they will throw away a pretty healthy relationship just for some fun and singleness, I don't get it.

Most girls nowadays live their life like an episode from The O.C. My girl left me because she made some friends at her work and she was attracted to their careless attitude and life and she associated it with being fresh and exciting and our relationship(4 years) with being boring and routine. She didn't tell me that of course, all she said was that she didn't want a relationship right now in her life. She's only 19, and I can see why she would want to enjoy her youth, but at the same time I can't undertsand her reasoning. I mean, everything we had for so long and the way we felt about each other, she doesn't take that into account when she made up her mind.

And I know this because in the window of two months since we broke up she has since gotten some tats, run away from home to move in with a couple for her friends from work, and is going out almost every night. Every time she talks to me she reminds me of how much weight she's lost and after a few questions asks me if I'm seeing someone and if I've introduced her to my parents.

Maybe it's me, but two months after a 4 year end is NOT enough time to get into it with someone else. I don't know, it's weird. I know she can't see it now, but hopefully once she fizzles out of this stage in her life, maybe she can realize that staying at home and watching a movie Friday night felt nice, sure it sounds boring, but it felt nice and safe.

sweety · Aug 7, 2005, 06:08 PM

Sorri to hear about your ex like that, yeah she has dun rong going for sumones madness and attitude, she will soon realise when she's had enuf of that routine and then she'll miss you and realise, until then concentrate on yourself, enjoy this tyme away from her as a blessing and get to know yourself, it won't get no better until she realises she made a big mistake.
To help take your mind off these things spend as much time as you can with mates, have a good cry, let it out, as it will help.

johnno · Aug 7, 2005, 10:05 PM

I was with my girlfriend for 2 years and she did the same thing, not the tats though. As soon as she turned 19 pretty much. I've got two mates who had the same thing happen as well, girls treat guys like when they are young, then when they grow up its too late for them and the guys treat them like . Young girls give nice women a bad name.

fredg · Aug 8, 2005, 06:00 AM

Hi,
Young girls, like 19, are just beginning to learn what life is all about. Some go absolutely crazy, and a few don't.
Look for one of the few, a "down to earth" person, with morals, respect for others, and you will have found a "winner".
Give her some time; don't call her; don't get in contact with her. If she is the one for you, she will realize it after awhile.
Meantime, get out, meet new girls, make new friends.
Many, many relationships that start when both are in their teens, don't last. Both people grow, find new interests.
Best of luck,
fredg

Wildcat21 · Aug 8, 2005, 08:38 AM

If wanted her back... you should have cut all communication - none.

You need to get busy with your life... school, workout, work, FRIENDS, family, new hobbies, go out a lot, DATE OTHER WOMAN and make sure she can find out about, but not by you saying anything.

See - yes you were too borin gand predictable - you were WAY too available to her. She had you. You woman want a challenge - you presented none.

AND by still calling her you still presnt no challenge. None. Zero.

By you cutting her her out of your life she can actually 'miss you' and 'wonder' where you are. Just cut her out of your life. When you get that urge to call her call a friedn instead.

See - by calling her you acting needy-clingy - too available.

Wildcat21 · Aug 8, 2005, 08:39 AM

There is a lot omore too this - you need to learn about 'nice guys' and bad buys now.

I am sure you were all 'nice' to her.

turtlegirl · Aug 8, 2005, 08:46 AM

Well, think about it. If she's 19 and been in a relationship since she was 15, she's going to be curious about a lot of things she may feel she "missed out on." If you give her that space, she may come back, and it may be pretty quick. But you've got to give her that space. I had a relationship from 17 to 22, and when that ended I would've been ready to get out and see what was going on. Unfortunately I was really shy, etc at that point so my "wild streak" came along much later. MUCH later. But it seems like most people have one at some point or another.

Final word, give her the time to figure it out, you can't figure it out for her.

(By the way, I'm guessing you're a little older and have had your chance to get out there a little bit, yes?)

Wildcat21 · Aug 8, 2005, 08:54 AM

Yes -great advise above... what I was trying to say - space means - quit calling her.

You stay in contact with her and you stay in the 'friends zone'.

dez15 · Aug 8, 2005, 12:40 PM

I have never been the one to initiate contact, but when she leaves me a message saying she has something important to tell me, I can't help but wonder it's something she wants me to hear. Of course, that thing turned out to be that she moved out of her house, now I know better.

I'm only 22 turtlegirl, but I was perfectly fine with her. Granted I also had impulses to break it off with her when I was that same age to go out and live my college life with my buddies. But I never did because I knew in the long run I would regret it and that ultimately I loved the girl. Doesn't mean I sacrificed my fun though, I still had plenty of fun with my friends, we were open and undertsanding about spending time with our friends.

I guess it's only natural for her to wonder what else is out there and want to live it up a bit before it comes to settling down for the rest of her life. But I a world where divorce is rampant and having as much as possible before marriage is emphasized, I guess I should have seen this coming.

At least I have no temptation to call her. It's just hard not too call when she would leave messages like that. During the phone conversation. She sounded a bit emotional and even cried a little a bit. I told her I could not wait for her, I love her, but whatever happens will happen.

Wildcat21 · Aug 8, 2005, 01:42 PM

If she is only calling you (which I doubt), in your situation, you NEVER return a call right or NEVER, NEVER answer a call. Never. You're a busy, she isn't an important part of your life anymore. You return those calls 2 or 3 days later, She ended your relationship so you don't owe her anyhting.

BUT, I would cut ALL contact off - when I was in your situation the only gal I ever git back I did not contact for about 3 months - she called 3 times during that period... and I did not call her back at all. (but I had to learn from too many painful previous relationships)

You need to act as if you are perfectly fine with the break, moving on, you don't need her etc. date other woman... that you have a life and are perfectly happy with out her.

You NEVER want to come across as desperate, needy-clingy etc.

FORGET telling her you love. Bad for business... see this is a RESTART. You don't build attraction WHEN YOU SHARE YOUR FEELINGS!!

DO NOT SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH A WOMAN YOU ARE NOT SEEINNG!! In her mind, she needs to feel you've moved on - then it's starts to create a challenge again.

See - you are too available to her - and telling her you love her WORKS THE OPPOSITE!! You only say that if you're about to marry her. It sounds desperate.

People WANT what they can't have - she had you hook line and sinker and you were fired.

[email protected] · Oct 10, 2005, 01:38 PM

You say ' maby it's me?' well its not you what's she has done it rong I guess you respected her well and all but yer sure at the end of the day its her choice and you can't force her but that was plane rongness its not your folt at all

Chery · Oct 10, 2005, 02:02 PM

Your' last words were 'nice and safe' and on a Friday night??
You might have settled down to a routine in your life, but she has not.
Have you checked out what your values are and by the way how old are you? Are you the shy type and were happy to have found someone to settle with you so soon? This is not a putdown. Some guys are just like that. But this can be boring to anyone at the age of 19, and she was younger when you met and got started.
It could be she 'ran' away not just from you but from herself too. She might have gotten in with the wrong influence, and there is nothing you can do about it. It's her choice and she will have to live with it. She is however still concerned enough about you to ask how you were doing and if you met someone new. This does not mean she wants to start something again, she just cares about someone she shared so many years with. Just hope she is not now into drugs and/or worse and that her life will eventually be of more value to herself. It's all her choice, though and no body can make it for her.
Go on with your life and see if maybe Friday night at home could wind up too boring for you too. Good Luck to you and your future. Try a party or two yourself, you might meet someone who has the same interests and is done with 'playing games'.

Originally Posted by dez15

I know there are SOME girls out there that are mature and don't do this but for the most part it seems that most girls when they turn 19 or so go on this bad streak. They feel like partying hard, being rebellious and just being wild in general. So much to the point that they will throw away a pretty healthy relationship just for some fun and singleness, I don't get it.

Most girls nowadays live their life like an episode from The O.C. My girl left me because she made some friends at her work and she was attracted to their careless attitude and life and she associated it with being fresh and exciting and our relationship(4 years) with being boring and routine. She didn't tell me that of course, all she said was that she didn't want a relationship right now in her life. She's only 19, and I can see why she would want to enjoy her youth, but at the same time I can't undertsand her reasoning. I mean, everything we had for so long and the way we felt about each other, she doesn't take that into account when she made up her mind.

And I know this because int he window of two months since we broke up she has since gotten some tats, run away from home to move in with a couple fo her friends from work, and is going out almost every night. Everytime she talks to me she reminds me of how much weight she's lost and after a few questions asks me if I'm seeing someone and if I've introduced her to my parents.

Maybe it's me, but two months after a 4 year end is NOT enough time to get into it with someone else. I don't know, it's weird. I know she can't see it now, but hopefully once she fizzles out of this stage in her life, maybe she can realize that staying at home and watching a movie friday night felt nice, sure it sounds boring, but it felt nice and safe.

christymoro · Oct 17, 2005, 09:36 AM

Yous are all a bit sad really just because at 19 yous have a life planned with a nice girl who'll sit down and hold your hand at night so you don't have to go looking for another bird yous are lazy at 19 go out and enjoy yourself too quit being a borin tit and live then when she sees your not going to sit and do the same thing day in day out and being a bit spontaneous she might just find you attrative again! But the way yous sound you'll not be getting your cock dipped for a while!

Wildcat21 · Oct 17, 2005, 09:37 AM

Actually - well said!

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Chery · Oct 17, 2005, 12:07 PM

Originally Posted by christymoro

yous are all a bit sad really just because at 19 yous have a life planned with a nice girl who'll sit down and hold your hand at night so you don't have to go looking for another bird yous are lazy at 19 go out and enjoy urself too quit being a borin tit and live then when she sees your not going to sit and do the same thing day in day out and being a bit spontaneous she might just find ya attrative again!! But the way yous sound you'll not be getting ur cock dipped for a while!!

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3. You should also try a little more respect or you'll wind up worse off than the young man who just needed advice and asked for it in a manly manner without needing to wash out his mouth when finished.:mad:

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Chery · Oct 17, 2005, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Actually - well said!

''

Wildcat, if you meant chrity what's his name, then SHAME ON YOU!

s_cianci · Oct 17, 2005, 07:18 PM

Originally Posted by dez15

but for the most part it seems that most girls when they turn 19 or so go on this bad streak. They feel like partying hard, being rebellious and just being wild in general.

It is true that a lot of young people, male and female alike, will go on a wild streak when they hit 18-19 years of age. They have reached adulthood and can legally do a lot of things that were previously prohibited (such as getting tattoos, leaving home, etc.) and are getting their first taste of real independence. The novelty does eventually wear off but meanwhile there's little anyone can really do about it. If this is not the kind of lifestyle you desire (and I certainly don't blame you for not wanting it), then you need to forget about this one for now as she has "other fish to fry" right now. Do the things that interest you personally and find a niche of friends with similar inclinations. She may eventually decide that she misses you and come back. If not, then it wasn't meant to be.

jeffatl · Oct 18, 2005, 11:08 PM

I feel you on this one man. Going through the same thing (my EX just turned 21). After 5 years she is just going crazy, and let me tell you to just get over it NOW! I thought "hey, we are different than those other couples" WRONG! Maybe you will get back together, but just let her go NOW! I know it sounds impossible but it's the best for YOU, trust me.