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lizard2 · Aug 19, 2006, 12:06 PM

My husband and I separated 2 months ago. We live in ontario. Our son is 2 1/2.

Until now - I have been giving him visitation rights on a verbal agreement only- and we are in the process of debating the separation agreement. He sees him every other weekend, and tues. and thurs. eve.'s.

He said he wants to start having him sleepover those two nights - and considers it 50% - or joint custody - and is proposing to me that he only is required to pay half the daycare - no support - because he divides the time between us.

FIRST OF ALL _ IS THIS even LEGAL? AND WHAT ABOUT SPOUSAL SUPPORT? His income is much higher than mine. I am applying for social services to help me through the transition - and THEY will require him to pay support based on his income - isn't that right?

Then when I asked him about this, he said "you'll be paying ME, because I'm going for full custody of him, and YOU"LL be the one getting the visitation rights."

Then he insulted me and screamed at me- and called me a lousy person, a lousy mother, and accused me of all sorts of things... and says that is how he is going to win custody - and that he doesn't want our son growing up with me.

So what chance do I have - all these accusations are ridiculous - and in fact HE has been physically abusive to me in the past and there is a police report about it - and my husband was the one who tried to have ME charged when it happened. The police treated me like I was to blame. I got no support and ended up going back to him.

I can't afford a lawyer - or at least not more that one session - and this sounds like it is going to be a battle. I feel like picking up and moving away. I am so afraid of how ugly and sick this is all getting. But from what I hear - almost everyone deals with it, on some level.

Any advice?

ScottGem · Aug 19, 2006, 04:57 PM

You need a lawyer. The only time you don't need a lawyer in a divorce is if its an amicable no-fault affair.

valinors_sorrow · Aug 19, 2006, 06:11 PM

Step out of the reality that your ex is creating, take a deep breath and know that you are just fine and the world can still be a fair place. Then look for free legal help or on a sliding scale or any lawyer -- make lots of calls. Get busy and get a plan going. Find a way to wear lots of emotional armour whenever you encounter your ex. Keep it businesslike and about what your son needs and cut off anything personal (both good and bad) between the two of you in an "oh I got to go" kind of way. It can only get ugly and sick at his end if you prepare yourself to not go there despite all the invitations you'll receive -- just say thanks but no thanks for the sake of your child.

fed up · Aug 19, 2006, 08:34 PM

I also live in Ontario. He doesn't stand much of a chance to get custody unless you do something really bad. Take a deep breath and see if you qualify for legal aid. I can't see why not. Just bear in mind that you are both parents to this little boy. Try not to put him in the middle. He will grow up very resentful towards both of you. See if you can get a mediator to help with things. I have been through this with a family member and I can assure you that it can get ugly but it doesn't have to. If you have family that can help you I urge you to ask them for help. Good luck and let us know how you are making out with this situation.

lizard2 · Aug 20, 2006, 07:35 AM

Thanks so much everyone for your responses!
I will be calling around this week - there is so much I have to do - and the kids and I are moving this week. I wish this was just all over.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 20, 2006, 10:03 AM

Yes he can want all he wants, I am sure he would like not to pay anything and be able to disrupt your life and get the child any time he wants only But that is not real life.

You need as others mentioned an attorney, now it is not as uncommom to get joint custody but that also means that all bills are paid jointly also.
But you need to start with where you want, and ask for more, then you work out a deal, baisicly you start with him only getting two weekend a month and paying a large child support amont and then fight it out,

But an attorney is needed on chid custody

CaptainForest · Aug 20, 2006, 08:32 PM

I agree with the others.

Divorces are MESSEY. They are UGLY. Most of the time, and yours appears to be one of them.

How does he get 50% when he takes every other weekend and 2 evenings. That doesn't seem like 50% to me, but then again, maybe I do not understand his warped sense of math.

As the other said, you need a lawyer. This is the one time you defiantly need a lawyer, to help you keep your child!

s_cianci · Aug 29, 2006, 07:02 PM

Yes, he will be ordered to pay support based on his income, less a small credit for the time that the child spends with him. If in fact he were to gain full custody then yes you would have to pay him child support but that isn't very likely to happen. As for spousal support, that's a completely separate issue with its own set of rules and guidelines.