[JBeaucaire]

I presume you have Caller ID. No contact means you don't take her calls, you leave the room while your voice mail takes the message, then you delete the message without listening to it.

She can say what she wants, ANYTHING SHE WANTs, and it must be irrelevant to you. You have no need to debate her points or words, and recognize nothing good comes from entertaining her thoughts in your mind. So you don't do it.

No contact means you don't spend any time on her at all. You really need to try this correctly, you're not committed to it at all so far.

She is part of your history, so your habit of answering her and considering what she says is HABIT. It's a habit you have to break.

[husky04]

Yeah yeah I know what you mean. I did the first thing correctly, I simply did not answer. She left the voicemail and that's where she said everything from hating me to she did have feelings for me to saying my d*ck was small. It had to be THE harshest message I have ever heard.

Believe me that wasn't all that was on the message either. JB is right there is no need to analyze everything she says because she is irrelevant. Now that I see that you say to just delete the voicemail, I wish I would have done that last night instead of listening to it.

[kctiger]

yeah yeah i know what you mean. i did the first thing correctly, i simply did not answer. she left the voicemail and thats where she said everything from hating me to she did have feelings for me to saying my d*ck was small. it had to be THE harshest message i have ever heard.

Believe me that wasnt all that was on the message either. JB is right there is no need to analyze everything she says because she is irrelevent. now that i see that you say to just delete the voicemail, i wish i would have done that last night instead of listening to it.

You live and you learn man. What did you learn here? Don't listen to her voicemail. Her opinion and back lashing are about as important as the toilet paper you most recently used.

Let her get mad and spew hatred out, that is her problem. As for you, you are still alive and well, and need not worry about anything related to her. It is YOUR time now. Change your phone number if you want.

[husky04]

I am just wondering why she would tell me she was beginning to have feeling for me again. Did she say it to just make me feel bad about myself? Or did I actually maybe have another chance?

I shouldn't be doing this.. I shouldn't be analyzing her every thought, but I am and I can't help it. She is making me feel like I blew a chance at her again. All I was trying to do was have a little fun with OTHER girls besides her.

She said she thought our friendship was more important then going out and drinking. I know I will be fine. I just hate it how girls find a way to get you to start thinking again, wow maybe I had a chance with her. I also looked on her myspace.. I did delete mine but I'm stupid and went on hers and saw messages from her and her "rebound" after me.

She was pretty much begging for another chance from him and saying the same stuff I said to her when I was begging for her to come back! She said he is the best guy she has ever met! He said the same thing to her but they just can't be together. She said "you gotta admit it was alot of fun last time we hung out ;)" I promised myself to not go on her myspace again. I will just move on and try not to think about it.

[talaniman]

If you weren't so blinded by your feelings, you would see and obvious pattern here.

[husky04]

I would like to see the pattern, but I don't. Could you let me know what this pattern is?

[JBeaucaire]

The pattern is she talks, you listen, you get confused and your life doesn't heal.

THAT IS THE PATTERN. Some will suggest the pattern is "she realizes you're moving on and subconsciously doesn't want that to happen, so she tosses emotional hand grenades at you to make sure you can't get over her too quickly."

Um... OK. But saying that breaks the first rule of No Contact... which is "spend no time on her at all." That means if you're looking for patterns you look for them in YOUR life, not hers. In YOUR head, not hers.

Stop "wondering" why she does anything. Healing comes from "not spending any time on her at all."

I detect a pattern, you keep thinking/talking to her and wondering stuff then come back here to ask versions of the same question... cut it out, man.

We want YOU to start the healing process, so we'll keep hitting you over the head with the same shovel if we have to, but you HAVE to stop jumping back into the hole at some point.

[talaniman]

I shouldn't be doing this.. I shouldn't be analyzing her every thought, but I am and I can't help it. She is making me feel like I blew a chance at her again. All I was trying to do was have a little fun with OTHER girls besides her.

The pattern is every time you break NO CONTACT you get confused and feel bad trying to figure her out.

This isn't her doing it to you, but you letting her do it to you.

Go NC for real, and have some fun with the new female.

[jmw0713]

LOL!! She was just starting to have feelings for you again!!

That's the biggest load of BS I've read in a while. Here she is cussing you up and down, making fun of you, hating on you, sleeping with other people, and being a complete biatch. Then she has the nerve to try and tell you she was starting to have feelings for you again??

LOL!!

Hey, actions speak LOUDER than words. Don't listen to her lies. She is living in some complete fantasy land and trying to bring you back into it. I don't know why you would even want to go back after all of this.

Now she knows the heartbreak you went through when this other guy dumped. She got a taste of her own medicine.

Now you need to stay on track and stay 105% NC. Run as far away as you can, because she is no good for you.

Trust me, another girl is out there who is much, much, much better for you that this confused girl.

Definitely hang out with this new girl and see where this goes and ignore the ex... she is bad news.

[husky04]

Hahahaha.. that's such a good way to look at it. I love this website because it helps me look at things from a totally different point of view from my own.

It`s her birthday today, and of course I said nothing to her, the voicemail she sent me that night said I can't look at her! So I took what she said and didn't look at her at all at school. (her locker is close to mine)

Now I know this is probably not a big deal to you all but I'm very proud of myself, she sent me a text last night saying "i know we aren`t friends but im still going to be nice to you".. gave that one no reply. Today she sent me another text saying "stop drinking and grow up".. no answer! I'm really proud of myself and I'm not even going to look at the messages she sends now.

I know she's not meant for me, and I'm going to go 105 % NC and if I ever get close to sending that text I'm going to take someone's advice that was on here and do 50 push ups, or something to make me not do it again.

[kctiger]

Healing and the process of breaking up is a marathon, and not a sprint. It is key to pick up bits of self confidence and power along the way, which is what you are doing. Good for you! Now, keep it up.

[husky04]

I`m feeling a little weak today. And I need to vent. I almost broke my no contact last night, she texted me, I deleted the text without reading it, unfortuately I forgot to delete her off aim, so she got me on there and told me I was "falling off" and said I have changed a lot. I really really wanted to reply, but I didn't. I blocked her and deleted her so no worries anymore.

It`s harder then I thought, I'm starting to realize that I CAN be my normal old funny self without her, it just takes time. Right now I have the urge to text her or call. I know I can't do that, if I do it will set me back a lot. I still find myself thinking about her, only about the good times. I can never seem to bring myself around to thinking about all of the bad times we had. I think she even got her friend to get into this, she also texted me and said ben there are a lot of people who care about you you shouldn't be drinking.

Honestly, if I were worried about myself I would have done something, I did it once and I don't plan on doing it again for a long time. I really don't know what my problem is, did I really mess up because I can't stop thinking about this girl. Could she actually maybe be meant for me? After all of it I still feel like I would take her back and I know that's not good. I try to do things to get my mind off her, it works temporairily. I have to stay I do feel better everyday and I know there is "light at the end of the tunnel." It takes time, I just miss talking to her like we used to. BUT

NC is the way to go and I'm not going to fall back this time.

[jmw0713]

Yep. It's hard to forget the good times and remember the bad. Right now you have on a pedestal and think she was the best girl in the world, because you miss her.

In the next few weeks as you reflect back, you will remember the bad times and start to see everything in the light of reality instead of the light of fiction.

Stay strong. Everyone here know how hard it is. You are on the right track sticking with the NC.

Also listening to some energetic and hard music helps too.

Stay away from the alcohol for now. It will not help your mood.

[kctiger]

Refer to my above post... this is a marathon, not a sprint. A rollercoaster of thoughts and feelings will be with you, for A LONG time. You seem to do a good job of controlling your actions, and not letting your emotions control you.

[sylvan_1998]

I was that girl. I had so much growing up to do. Move on and let her grow up.

If your paths cross again after she has grown up and can decide what she wants with out changing her mind, then try again. I would not try again though until after she is 20 something.

Good luck. FYI I am still friends with my ex boyfriend whom I treated this way. Still love him, but am happily married to someone who makes more sense with me. Good news he is too... to someone who treats him so much nicer than I ever did.

[husky04]

Updating again, Tonight the ex called me, I answered because she texted me and said I really need to know what your trying to do here. I told her I can't talk to you because I am trying to get over you and talking to you only makes me believe it can happen again which it won't.

She seemed a little bummed but said she understands and knows she didn't do anything wrong. She told me she won't contact me anymore and I said OK. I told her that I need to get over her and then maybe we could think about being friends. After everything I said all right.. see you and that was it. Only about a 5 minute talk. I just kind of liked it when she contacted me because it made me feel better, but its better that she doesn't.

Did I handle this OK?

[411Help]

Yes and no.

Personally, I wouldn't have picked up the phone at all. She doesn't need an explanation, as you are busy with your own life not worrying about what she does or what she thinks.

[jmw0713]

I think you handled it OK. You told her what you wanted and needed from her. In the long run, her not contacting you will make it easier for you to move on. I essentially told my ex the same thing. She hasn't contacted me since either. For me, it kind of hurt at first, but after a day or two I was feeling a lot much better.

This will give you the opportunity to really start to heal with out her messing you up.

[husky04]

Its been about a week since I've updated, I went 5 days no contact and it was going well. She then texted me and I talked to her for about 2 or 3 minutes. I just wanted to see how I did talking to her, and I did pretty good and it didn't set me back at all. Im getting better everyday and I sometimes go an hour or two without even thinking about her, then I catch myself and it's a pretty good feeling.

Im not going to talk to her anymore, I really don't feel the need to at all. Why talk to someone who did all of this stuff to me? Her friends are telling me her and the "other guy" she was with after the break up are getting back together again. I really Don't care. The kid is 15 years old I shouldn't be worried at all. Im starting to get over her very well. The girl I was talking to really hasn`t worked out, she still talks to her ex a lot and I just don't think it's a good idea to be with someone who still talks to their ex a lot. Of course, my ex found a way to yell at me again. We were all with each other because we all have the same friends, and she was yelling saying this girl I'm talking to is shi**y and my good family doesn't deserve someone like her. I really didn't mind it, I just walked away. Im so sick of her drama she starts.

[411Help]

Very good husky. Now leave her alone and the drama she starts.