[talaniman]

You just realised that today?? What are you going to do about it??

[friend4u178]

That's the Bottom Line , YOU have to do something about it.

[DazT]

Fixer, me and you are so alike in your problems.. the same thing is happening with me. Me and my "girlfriend" have been off and on for 2 years, I'm afraid to tell my friends in case she changes her mind, AGAIN.

Me and you are wayyy better off without these two girls. They only think of themselves, they say they love us and that they care about us, maybe they do, but they think about themselves too much!

This day 3 weeks ago my mind took control over my heart and I'm learning to move on... she has contacted me 3 times this week, twice last week and 3 times the week before telling me she is sorry and that I deserve better. I like these messages, I don't know why, I guess I like the attention she is giving to me but I haven't responded..

I have done things that she didn't like me doing when we were going out, like for example, when we were going out she didn't like me going out with my friends and drinking, which for any 17 year old male, is the normal thing to do in the UK. So what I have been doing is going out drinking with my friends, chatting up other girls and do what I want. The times I'd be with her I spend doing other things which I like, playing football, hanging out with friends, working out etc.

I know how its like when they tell you what you want to hear, but take a step back, and think about what its going to be like if you walk straight back into the relationship. Nothing will have changed.

[Fixer12]

So many of you in the past have read my posts, but not many of you really reply. I am hoping that this time will be different. I will take the time to explain everything that has been going on and how I am feeling now.

So it has almost been 2 years (March) that she and I have gotten together. She was a freshman in high school, and I was a senior. Since time has gone by she is a Jr. and now I am a Sophomore in college.

I am going to school about 400 miles away from where she is at. We had been doing the long distance relationship thing for a while. We both had gotten through my first semester with very little problems. Yea, we had our fights, but we eventually talked them through. We would spend all day on the phone. If we weren't on the phone we were texting. In all honesty the relationship got very repetitive. She came down and saw me about 3-4 times with her family, and I went up and saw her at least every month. I think the longest we went without seeing each other was a month.

Since about 10 months ago (since I have calculated it out) was when things really started going bad for us. That was when we no longer were able to talk and work things out. We would just hang up with each other on the phone and get mad. We both had gotten really sick of talking on the phone at this point and not having each other around, but we both figured it was cause we missed one another.

So after fighting what seemed to be several times a day, she broke up with me. 4 weeks before I was coming home for the summer. I would never figure out why she did. Her family was coming into town where I go to school for her sisters volleyball games. I had talked to her and she said she wanted to see me. So I drove to the next town over to see her, and when I did we both just sat there and started to cry. She had told me about how she had already made out with another guy, and how she missed me. I honestly was hurt. She told me to just go to sleep and everything would be OK. The next morning she said she still didn't know how she felt. I got tired of waiting I would have thought she would have known after seeing me, so I left.

So then when I decided to come home for the summer, she had another boyfriend (wasn't the guy she made out with, it was someone new.) She had been telling this guy that she loved him, and they were together for about a month. I soon found out that they had been sleeping together, (she and I were each others first). She claimed that this guy had raped her, so I felt sorry for her, and we got back together. Also before this too, she had tried going out with a few other guys.

Things over the summer went well. We spent all our time together again, my parents knew about us, and things were slowly getting better. We had told each other it would take time.

School started earlier for her before I left. I got nervous cause she started acting different, and I had trust issues after everything that had happened. Also she could drive now, so that was weird too. I found out she was texting one of her ex-boyfriends, and she told me it was nothing to worry about and that I just needed to calm down. (so did he). Even though to find out in a while, they both end up almost sleeping together.

Well the time came that we both had to face, I had to go back to school. We were both upset cause we knew what the long distance would be like... just being on the phone all the time. But she said she loved me and she knew she could do it. So I trusted her. So I left, I was excited about being in my new apartment, and I told her that I felt things were going to be a lot better. I had already knew I was going to go home in about 3 weeks. SO everything would be fine. Well 2 days later she calls me saying that she can't deal with the distance and wants to take time to do more high school things, and not have to give them up for me.

So we broke up. I was crushed, I was upset, I was mad. Soon I did find out that after we had broken up, she was going around hooking up with several guys. She eventually calmed down with this one guy. I found out that 2 days into the relationship that they had already been sleeping together. I was so pissed. I would drive around crying not knowing what to do. She would text me every few days, or send me an email asking me how I am. I just wrote her back saying that I was all right. It was hard moving on, but she would always text me saying "i miss you, and i still love you so much."

So after a few months of us going back and forth between not talking. Thanksgiving break rolled around. I soon then went home, and I saw her. (she had just broken up with her boyfriend because she said she wanted to be with me again). I saw her, she had changed a lot, she had gotten her lip pierced and dyed her hair from a blonde to a gross dark red. I could tell I still loved her a lot, regardless of her changes. So we ended up making out in my car, and we decided to make it work.

During Thanksgiving break I had to leave 2 days after I got home. She and I texted and talked the whole time, and I always asked her about stuff with her ex. I told her it bothered me and that I really needed to know, because of all the stuff we once did together she did with him. She would get upset because she felt it was in the past and I just needed to let it go. Soon enough I slowly stopped talking about it. When I got back home she and I hung out, and I felt better about things.

So I left back down to school, an we both knew I only had a month to go until I was home for the entire winter break (which was 4 weeks). So about 5 days into me being gone she broke up with me again, and got back together with her ex. She claimed she still really cared about him. I felt like it was actually over. She still ended up texting me and emailing me. So we still talked.

Soon again it was time for me to go home again for winter break, she claimed she wanted to see me so she did. She said she loved me and that she broke up with her boyfriend the day before and that she really wanted this to work. She said all this crying in my car again. This time I didn't tell my parents or my friends about it, nor did I last time. I got tired of people telling me I was dumb. So about a week went by, and things were going pretty well. She texted me one day when I was at work, " i am thinking." I knew then and there what it had to be about. She said she still talks to her ex so that must mean she still likes him. She said it wasn't fair for me to be in a relationship she wasn't sure about. So we broke up. Again I was crushed, but now I had to be in town for 3 weeks seeing her.

She went out of town for Christmas. I started hanging out with old friends, and I to my surprise never saw her. Things were getting better. I had my good friends helping me, and I also just found out my parents were moving to Hawaii, I felt like everything was happening for a reason.

Soon on new years, I guess she had broken up with her boyfriend because he was being mean to her and never cared. She felt alone. She texted me asking me if I could go pick her up from some guys house cause her car had been broken, and her parents woudlnt. I didn't go. It was hard for me to say no, cause I did tell her I would always be there for her and love her.

So we started texting again, and I decided to go see her. We both decided that we love each other and that it was time to make things work. So we got back together and surprisingly things started working. I could tell she really loved me, she had given up texting other guys to talk to me. So again after 2 weeks the time came for me to go back to school. She had told me that she realized no matter where I go she will always love me and want to be with me.

So it worked. I went down to school, and 3 weeks later I came back home, for our one month. I was proud of her. Because of everything that had happen in the past I had very hard trust issues of her texting other guys. I asked her to show me her phone, and that if she did get texts from her ex that I was going to just leave, cause she said she hadn't been texting him for a few weeks now. I believed her. When I did get back she had texted some guy about stuff in her class. I wasn't upset that she was texting him, cause she didn't delete it and had me see it. But what I was mad about was how she lied to me. She tried telling me it was nothing. I had asked her earlier that day who all she was texting, she said just her girlfriends. So I was mad.

I was home for less then an hour, and we already started into the sexual acts, before I had seen the phone. I had to lie to my parents about the time I was coming home so I could see her. So we got into a fight. She would always roll over and never talk to me about it, so I got sick of it and I ripped the sheets off her and demanded her to talk, because I had just gotten home and this already happened. So I eventually left and then came back later that night.

Things went good. We got into a few more fights again, and I couldn't figure out why, I was home for 2 days. We couldn't go out and do anything cause I didn't want people knowing yet, because I felt she was going to hurt me again.

So I left and came back down to school. Things worked fine, she and I talked on the phone, and she had even boughten a new cell service so she would talk to me more. She was planning on coming down this weekend to see me for valentines day. She found out she couldn't cause her parents had no money. So I found out later that day that I could go home. So I was going to go home in a week and see her. We had planned things out. Well from the previous visit she had gotten sick as did I. We both had the flu and were in bed for about 4 days. I always wanted to talk to her, but she wanted to sleep. I tried to do my best to understand it, but she never cared on how I was feeling, she was just mad cause I would call to wake her up.

Well eventually that blew over. She had felt lonely cause everyone was talking about stuff they were doing on valentines day, and I wasn't there for it. I told her it was OK cause I was coming home to spend the whole weekend with her the day after. She calmed down. She had called me at lunch and left the whole, " i love you so so much," message on my phone. So I got out of class and went home to lay down. She sent me a random text an hour after she left the message saying that we should take a break. I asked to talk to her after she got out of class about it.

So I called before she went to work and she said that she just missed me a lot, and that it was going to be hard not having me there. I told her everything would be OK. She calmed down, and then soon I had to go to work. She was still not sure on what she wanted and almost started crying on the phone. So when I went to work, I called her almost in tears trying to figure out what was going on. She said she was sorry, and that from now on she would just talk to me about her feelings. So I calmed down. She said she was going to go out to dinner with her dad, because her mom wanted her too. She had said we would make a lot of time to talk when I got off work. So I said OK. I sent her a text saying I loved her. And she wrote back 20 minutes later saying, "we need to break up i am sorry, please don't call." I wrote back, "ok i wont."

Since then that was the last thing I said to her. I got through valentines day, and I still feel like crap. We haven't spoken since, and that was about 5-6 days ago. It is really hard. I woke up this morning crying. I wanted to call her so bad. I still check her myspace all the time. She still has me on her number one, even though she just added a friend to it. I feel like crap. I wonder if she did go out to dinner with her dad, or if she just went with some other guy. I would think if it was with her dad, I would have heard from her, even on valentines day.

I feel really horrible, I had to start going to counseling. I knew the best thing for me to do is just to her go, but I don't know how. Please someone help me.

[talaniman]

No matter how many post you make, the advice will always be the same. My advice at this point, is stop trying to find the magic potent, or the easy way out, and roll up your sleeves, and take the advice you have already been given, and get busy working on yourself. The earliest suggestion made was go No Contact! You have not done that sufficiently, for your healing, and until you do, you will be confused, and be in much misery and pain. Let go.

[Fixer12]

I know that you are right. I guess I don't know what to expect. I guess I have just been waiting to wake up one day and have everything magically better. I just don't know why I feel like she is happy without me. I feel that she is going on completely fine, even though I don't know that. I just feel that she is proabably perfectly fine while I am not.

I know that going so long without talking is a good thing. It just gets hard, when I was so used to talking ot her for a long time.

[talaniman]

You either do what needs to be done, or be stuck on stupid, and go nowhere at all.

[BMI]

Sweet fancy Moses,

Line after line, paragraph after paragragh of the same, same, same, same, same thing. I love you, we need to break up, I like another guy, I love you, break up, another guy, love you, break up, another guy. I could re type this another 500 times and it would be like reading your story.

Whatever you did to get soooooo caught up with this girl is beyond me. Either she is using you like a tool for her pleasure or she is the most confused person(selfish) person I have ever heard of. Not that you are out of the clear either, your confused, desperate, and obviously lacking any self esteem, why else would anybody on this earth put up with this kind of behaviour? You know the old saying, fool me onceonce shame on you fool me twice shame on me. Well in this situation its shame, shame, shame, shame on you.

What advice do you want? You said yourself you got tired of people calling you dumb (its really hard not to) if you step back and look at this situation or re-read it I think even you yourself would come to that conclusion. You want to know how to undo all the things that you have created, clean up the mess YOU made. I have not read your otherpost but from what Tala said I can only imagine that you were told some time a go to let it go, which you obviously did not do.

So really it would have been difficulthad you started back then, now its even harder but the same thing still applies. You can't start crying more now over things you did yourself. N/C is your only option, yes it will hurt and you will cry, now more than before, but its your only shot.

If you remain than your to blame, regardless of how many posts you start nobodyisgoing to say anything that will change what you need to do.

[vivia12]

Cheer up fixer,you can only control yourself no one else,not her.
Work on yourself esteem,work on you, no one likes a doormat,no one will respect one,that's the key to fixing this situation, you and you alone

[Fixer12]

So some weird things happened today. My friend from my home town (which my ex lives in) came down this weekend. He kind of knew about what was going on, but not fully. The subject had came up, and he had told me about one other person she had slept with before she was with me. I realized about how much she had lied to me about. Saying I was her first, and things like that.
I just almost realize how much of, (excuse my cruelty), whore she really is. I can't believe that I fell for all of this. I mean she is so young and has already been with so many guys. I have no idea why this woke me up.
So tonight, I tried going out with someone new. We just walked around and talked, but one thing I realized was that I didn't like her. She and I talked about how her roommate was someone who slept around a lot, and how she didn't think it was too bad. I don't understand, are all attractive women this dirty? Will I ever find a girl that is really beautiful and has a personality where I don't feel like its just sex? I feel like I am to nice of a guy to ever accept a women like that.
Good story short... I went out tonight... and it was new. It may not have been someone I look into dating... but I did do something...

[vivia12]

You can say it loud Ho,
Tell yourself you're better than that.. what did you do?

[talaniman]

When you are more emotionally grounded, you will learn to pace yourself better in a relationship, and know someone well enough to get the truth, and not take things at face value. Once you know yourself well, you will know what you want, as your slowly finding out. So look back and see that things have actually worked out well, because you are no longer in the dark about some things, seeing things in a more realistic light, seeing facts, and not just feelings, and you have taken a positive step forward.

[Fixer12]

Thank you. I have realized now that I did take a big step forward. I hung out with my friends tonight and this weekend, and for the first time in a while I really enjoyed myself. I didn't have to worry about what she was doing, or stupid things like that.
Going out with the girl the other night, was just weird. It felt nice to get out and meet and talk to new people, but at the same time, I was bummed out to find stuff I didn't really like. I just hope that all women are not like that. Seems like that is all decent looking girls want. I know I may be shallow for saying that.
The only time now I really think about stuff with her is when I am alone. But it is OK. The hardest times for me are the mornings, but I am hoping with time that it will change. The only thing that seems to be bothering me now, is my own jealousy in my mind. The fact that she might be or is with someone else. I already told myself the worst has happen, just so it isn't a shock. But I feel like if anything I should be like her and already have someone. Or that if I don't something is wrong with me.

[talaniman]

The beauty of dating again, is if you don't like them, move on to the next. Even if you do like them, you can still date someone else, until you decide to pursue a relationship. There is no hurry to hang your star on anyone, nor should you rush things. Take the oppurtunity to see as much as you can and enjoy it. The skills and lessons you learn, will serve you forever, and you will have OPTIONS, and that my friend, is a great thing. Just love yourself enough, to be happy with YOURSELF.

[HistorianChick]

In the words of Smokey the Bear... "Only you can prevent forest fires."

Only you can control your destiny, your responses, your emotions, your future...

Sounds like you are getting a hold of your life and are on the right track... Good luck to you, hon.

[confused25]

I can tell based on all your actions that you really love this girl. Unfortunately the problem is that she just doesn't know what she wants right now and your suffering as a result thereof. She definitely has some feelings for you but sadly she has chosen to string you along while she goes out and does her own thing.

I agree with everyone who has said that you should cut all contact with this person. It's not fair that she does these things to you. Move on with your life and enjoy it. Maybe after you have both spent some time apart and have matured into wiser people, then maybe you two can reconnect and start over. For now though, distance is your best choice.

[Fixer12]

Your right. It's hard though. Cause I know in a lot of ways I still love her. It has been rough because I still check her myspace... just to see if she got on. When in all reality I know it doesn't matter. I just for some reason still do it to see what has changed and where I am in her life. I am enjoying being with my friends again, I just have a hard time every moment I am alone.

[talaniman]

still check her myspace... just to see if she got on.

That is a good way to keep her living rent free in your head. Cut it out!!

[Ash123]

Stay off her myspace and get your own space.

[Fixer12]

That is good. I have made a personal choice to not even get on for the next week. I have a good feeling about it. Now I just feel like she doesn't deserve to even be with someone for everything she did. But it's not like I can stop it.