[Alty]

Thanks Alty, I just wish I knew what to do to help Natasha. My MIL and I have done all we can but until there is a life threatening situation apparently CPS has more important cases.

I guess I just don't understand this level of addiction. My kids are FIRST, plain and simple.

My brain hurts, my head hurts, my heart hurts. I think I'm gonna drink a beer and go to bed.

Beer is good, bed is good, and then a solution, because there has to be one. I just don't know what it is. But you can bet that I'll try to find one.

Don't you give up! I won't, and I don't even know these kids, but my heart is breaking for them despite that fact.

It sickens me. Until there's a life threatening situation they won't do anything? So a child has to come near death, or worse, actually die, then they'll act? Idiocy! And they wonder how the future will hold up. This is the future generation! What message are we sending? You're a child, so you're not important enough to be protected. You don't deserve a better life. You're just a child. If you want help, die, then we'll step in.

Sickening. I weep for the future. I weep for these kids. I'll join you in that beer!

[Wondergirl]

Is there a Catholic Charities or Lutheran Social Service office in the area? I'd look for a social worker or counselor with one of them or through a hospital or even one working independently. You want to find someone who deals with kids at risk, someone who will work his or her butt off for these kids, an advocate for these kids. That's the role I played for someone when the extended family was ignored by CPS. That advocate will know what to say to CPS and how to play their "game" and know the system in order to get those kids into a safe place.

[LadySam]

This is sad.
I have never understood why the biology of parenthood stood above the ability to be a parent.
And in the end (not to mention during) it's the children that suffer.
I had a similar situation with my kids other parent (I refuse to call him a father)
Not to this extent, but even after explaining to the Judge in chambers why I was in court to limit or stop his visitation, after he himself had disappeared for nearly 2 years.
His problem was alcohol and he did some really stupid things and involved my kids in them.
The outcome, supervised visitation with his Mother (he still left with them, still drank etc, etc,)
Didn't matter that he didn't even show up in court to fight for his rights.
I just don't understand it.
My heart goes out to these children, your friend and yourself.
I don't have an answer, I wish I did.
Changes need to made.

[Cat1864]

J, what were the terms of his release? Was it time served or was he released on parole/probation?

It may be time to call the police when one of his 'parties' is going on.

Are the children in school? Have they been attending classes?

You would think that with all the cases splashed all over the news of CPS agencies acting too late or doing too little, they would be a little more proactive. I guess they are more worried about looking like 'storm troopers' instead of incompetent idiots.

What does CPS consider 'life threatening'?

Could Natasha and husband sue for custody? Have they contacted a lawyer to find out what their legal recourses are?

Heck, I might consider getting the news involved. Any reporters in your area looking for a good story to further their career? A story about CPS not investigating claims of child endangerment could be the one. It doesn't even have to be about this specific case. I am certain if there is one there are dozens of others.

My heart goes out to your friends and these children. Prayers, wishes and hopes for them and you.

A thought just occurred, is she contacting the CPS department? Is there an individual officer who might be more approachable and ready to see to the children's needs instead of waiting for the worst to happen?

[Aurora_Bell]

I've got a major dilemma going on and I, for once, don't know how to handle it. Hoping some of you could shed some light. Here goes, hope it makes sense.

Two little kids have been in and out of CPS for all of their short lives. Girl is 8, boy is 10. They've been positive for marijuana, coke, meth, etc. Not because they are actively using it, but when they were younger mom was breast feeding. My friend, I'll call her Natasha, is a nurse who works with me and her husband works at the jail. They are the aunt and uncle to these children and are stand up citizens.

Natasha and her husband had legal custody of these children 3 times in their lives, the longest being an entire year. Recently their mother was in a drug/alcohol related car accident and died. Their father was in jail at the time. This time it was for driving without a license and not a drug related charge. Well, the judge let Dad out of jail to take care of these kids rather than passing them off to a more stable relative.

This all happened a week ago this past Thursday. Now Dad is having parties at his house, meth parties, morphine parties, etc. Their electricity is about to be turned off. Well, to go on, Natasha and several other members of the family have called CPS, but they will do nothing at this point. Their words to Natasha were...."So what is your concern?"

My mother-in-law used to teach 4th grade but now is retired an volunteers her time as a CASA. Natasha and I have followed her instructions step-by-step to have these children removed from the home, but CPS doesn't seem to have the time.

I just don't know what else to do at this point. If any of you can help that would be great, if you can't, that's great too, just support our efforts in getting these children to safety.

This is just so sad. I don't get why parents seemingly want to have custody of their children but offer noa ctual love or parenting. Makes me sad. I haven't read what others have posted yet, but what about calling the father's parole officer? If the children were taken from him would Natasha and her husband be able to get them? Or would they fall into the system of another foster home?

Has Natasha talked to "dad" to see if he would relinquish rights to her and her husband? I wish I knew more about the leagalities in the states, but surely these parties are going against his conditions?

[Wildsporty]

j,This sounds odd, but if one of the children were to go to the school counselor and say they were afraid to go home because of the drugs and parties at their house and the school got envolved with the DHHS than I think this would help.

Shirley

[cdad]

J, I have an answer for you. It took a bit to find. WHat they need to do is apply for custody and to remove the fathers rights. It can be done. Here is what the courts are seeking when following the best interest of the child.

Once a hearing date is set to determine custody, the Court will use the following factors to make a decision that fits "the best interests of the child":
1.Love, affection and emotional ties existing between the parents and child:This factor alone is usually credited to both parents. Exceptions may include where one parent has been absent (voluntarily) for months or years.
2.Disposition of the parents to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care, education and other necessary care and the degree to which a parent has been the primary caregiver:Many believe that this factor implies that the parent who makes more money will automatically be granted custody; this is wrong. As long as a parent has the ability to meet the child needs, they will be credited with qualifying for this factor.
In addition, there is a presumption that a stay-at-home-parent, with this factor, is automatically awarded custody. Again, this is in correct. While this factor allows for weight to be given to this fact, the other factors must also be used to determine if that particular parent would best serve "the best interest of the child."

3.
Importance of continuity in the child's life and the length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment:Courts love status quo, which is a Latin word meaning the state of things at present. This follows the philosophy of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

4.Stability of the family unit of the parents:This factor is taking into consideration each home and the family within. In cases of post-divorce modifications, this factor will consider stepparents, step-siblings, etc. Multiple divorces or separations for a parent can be considered negatively where this factor is concerned.
5.Mental and physical health of the parents: Alcoholism, drug abuse, an untreated history of depression, and other similar ailments can be detrimental to one being awarded custody. However, being physically disabled, unless severe to the point of the parent needing their own caretaker, will not likely be viewed negatively.
6.Home, school, and community record of the child: Is the child doing well in school? If not, which parent has done what to improve the child's education? Is the child frequently in trouble with school officials or law enforcement? Does the child not function well with a new stepparent or step-siblings?
These are all contributors to this factor and are taken into consideration to determine custody.

7.The reasonable preference of the child if 12 years of age or older:This is a factor that is only taken into consideration, not an actual determinant. A child is allowed to express their preference, but that does not mean it will be granted.
For post-divorce modifications, the child's preference is not considered a change of circumstances to allow for modification of custodial arrangements.

8.Physical or emotional abuse to the child, to the other parent or to any other person: Proven abuse (emotional, mental, physical) by a custodial parent to the child or others in the home can be grounds for not granting custody to the abusive parent.
9.Character and behavior of any other person who resides in or frequents the home of a parent: Basically, if you are allowing a person (or people) of low character to live in or frequently visit your home, "the best interest of the child" is to not be subject to this individual(s) and can result in custody not being awarded to the one hanging out with such a loser.
10.Each parent's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities: This one is pretty simple... if you haven't visited, or at least tried to, the children during the separation or following the divorce, you've not shown a potential to parent in the future. If suddenly you've got a new girlfriend who wants to play house with your kids but you haven't seen them in several years, don't even waste your money filing for custody (this is all too often a common occurence) because, well, your history says that, once the girlfriend's gone, so will you be.

Ref:
Understanding Tennessee Child Custody Laws


Case law (yes involving an Aunt and Uncle) in Tennessee.

PDF file:

http://search.yahoo.com/r/_ylt=A0oG7.../meanssOPN.pdf

[Alty]

Dad, you are the bomb diggity. That's a good thing. :)

Hopefully this will be the solution for these kids.

[Aurora_Bell]

I was just going to post, thank DoG for Dad :)

[cdad]

Thanks for your kind words. Im just hoping J gets a chance to read it as I had seen after posting here she posted in the FamilyLaw Forum.

[J_9]

J, what were the terms of his release? Was it time served or was he released on parole/probation?

He was released on probation with time served.

It may be time to call the police when one of his 'parties' is going on.

That's the next step. They've already been called this past weekend, but the popo never went inside the house and just let the partiers off with a warning.

Are the children in school? Have they been attending classes?

They are in school and have been attending class. The 14 year old runaway that is staying with them is making sure they get on the bus.

What does CPS consider 'life threatening'?

I guess bleeding from a festering head wound. Personally I consider living in a house where meth is smoked pretty life threatening.

Could Natasha and husband sue for custody? Have they contacted a lawyer to find out what their legal recourses are?

I do believe they plan on contacting a lawyer later this week.

A thought just occurred, is she contacting the CPS department? Is there an individual officer who might be more approachable and ready to see to the children's needs instead of waiting for the worst to happen?

There is an emergency 877 number that has to be called and they decide how important the complaint is. Either the kids are dying and they come out right away or it will take a couple of weeks. Where we live you just can't walk into the office to file a complaint. This is a very small podunk little hick town very reminiscent of Mayberry.

j,This sounds odd, but if one of the children were to go to the school counselor and say they were afraid to go home because of the drugs and parties at their house and the school got envolved with the DHHS than I think this would help.

Shirley

The children have been in and out of the system virtually their entire lives. They will not go to a school counselor about this because they are afraid of what would happen to them when their parents find out. They have learned what effectively to say and not to say to persons of authority.

J, I have an answer for you. It took a bit to find. WHat they need to do is apply for custody and to remove the fathers rights. It can be done. Here is what the courts are seeking when following the best interest of the child.

Thanks Dad, I already knew all of that Natasha and her husband have already been legal custodians of these children on a number of occasions.

The father will not voluntarily relinquish parental rights because he gets 2 extra government checks now since their mother/his wife has died.

I guess what I am looking for is help finding a way to legally get them out of there now, right now, not in two or three weeks.

[cdad]

Thanks Dad, I already knew all of that Natasha and her husband have already been legal custodians of these children on a number of occasions.

The father will not voluntarily relinquish parental rights because he gets 2 extra government checks now since their mother/his wife has died.

I guess what I am looking for is help finding a way to legally get them out of there now, right now, not in two or three weeks.

Then what you need to do is get evidence of the partying that is going on with illegal drugs or situations that are placing the children in danger. Hire a private investigator and then file an exparte motion with the courts for custody and in it state the facts and remove the children on a permanent basis. You force the issue through the courts for the fathers removal of rights. What you don't want at this time is for the children to bounce around yet again.

[magprob]

That banana pudding with sliced bananas and Nilla Wafers all layered all up in there.

YEAH BOY HOWDY! DATS WHAT I'm Looking FOR!

When my wife gets home, I'm going to fall on the floor and snivel and whine until she make me some.

[Alty]

That banana pudding with sliced bananas and Nilla Wafers all layered all up in there.

YEAH BOY HOWDY! DATS WHAT I"M LOOKIN FOR!

When my wife gets home, I'm gonna fall on the floor and snivel and whine til she make me some.

Welcome back Mag, even though I know that you're not officially back. You come and go like herpes. ;)

[hellocat12]

I'm new, and I love this site. :DDD I learn something new in every post.

[Alty]

Welcome to the site Hellocat. :)

It is a great place, and there's lots to be learned, and lots to teach as well.

[Wondergirl]

Welcome to the site Hellocat. :)

It is a great place, and there's lots to be learned, and lots to teach as well.

I roped her in already for a blog post. It will show up on Monday, if Ram reads his email this weekend. ;)

[martinizing2]

Martin, hugs back. :)

No loss is small. The loss of a human loved one is no greater than the loss of a fur baby, small, big, furred, scaled or feathered. Animals get into our hearts, they become family. Their lives are simply way too short. That's their only downfall.

I once watched a comedy act by George Carlin (sp?) and he mentioned dogs. He said "Life is a series of dogs". He went on to say that each and every dog became a part of your heart, even though you swore you'd never love another as much as the previous dog. You went into dog ownership knowing that you'd likely outlive this little 4 legged being, and you went into it thinking that you couldn't possibly love it enough that it would hurt when it died, and each and every time you got a dog, brought it home, you were proven wrong. You loved, and you were loved back 100 times more than you could ever imagine.

Each time you lose a dog you swear there won't be another that can ever take his/her place. You're right. There will never be another Muttley. We put Indy down not that long ago, our 16 year old lab cross. No dog will ever replace him, not that we'd even want a replacement. He was one of a kind, just like your Muttley, just like you.

You can always tell an animal person from a pet owner. A pet owner will lose an animal and say "I want the same breed, coloring, and personality, then it will be fine". An animal person knows that the animal they lost was an individual. An individual can't be replaced. It's like losing a son or daughter and saying "I'll just have another baby, it will be a girl, and that will replace the daughter we lost". It's not possible. No one can replace an individual.

You're an animal person. But, as an animal person, you will overcome this loss, you will accept that Muttley had a great life and was truly blessed to find you. Then one day, when you least expect it, another little four legged being will catch your eye and steal your heart. You'll never forget Muttley, but you will love again. It will be different, because the being you find will be different, but it will be no less that the love you have for Muttley, because life is a series of dogs, and if you're a dog lover, even though you know it hurts like hell, you can't help but fall in love again.

Let yourself grieve. Cry about it, mourn your loss, talk to us about it. Tell us stories and post pictures. It helps. It really does. Accept that Muttley lived a full life. It was too short for you, but for him it was long and filled with love. It's not enough for us humans, but it's more than enough to our dog people.

Alty ,
You are the bomb. Thanks for the eloquent and touching thoughts .
I am sorry to hear you had to do it again. I would rather gargle razor blades.

Also thanks to J-9 and Bella and redhead and Cat

All the kind words and thought truly are helpful.

My heart and prayers go out to all of you who have been through this or are gong through it.

[Aurora_Bell]

So 3 weeks later and E is still having hives/blisters appear all over her body. 3rd time taking her to the doctor's today. I can't believe one little bandaid is causing 3 weeks of hives and blisters on a very tired and sore 4 year old.

[J_9]

So 3 weeks later and E is still having hives/blisters appear all over her body. 3rd time taking her to the doctor's today. I can't believe one little bandaid is causing 3 weeks of hives and blisters on a very tired and sore 4 year old.

So, what did the doc say? You never text me back?

Oh, and I'm tired of the full moon fever. All those pregnant women can stay pregnant for another year as far as I'm concerned!