[CFZD]

I prefer adventure movies like National Treasures, LOL. I don't watch much romantic movies just simply not interested in!

I used to like scary movies too.

[talaniman]

Dinosaurs are romantic! That's why they have to lay eggs!! That's all they do is eat people, run around naked, and have babies! What more could you ask for? Besides romance movies put me to sleep, and make me snore, that's not romantic at all!

[bigdee]

It's been almost 3 months since getting dumped and 21 days of hard NC and overall doing OK, somewhat moved on with my life. However been feeling a bit down recently... I guess it is a combination of a few things. I actually went on a few dates... one I met randomly and one that was more of a setup between friends. It went OK... no real spark. I guess it got me missing my ex because we had such good chemistry together. There was a spark from the start. It got me a little depressed because I began to wonder if I could ever find someone that I have that kind of chemistry again. I am not that young (mid-30's) and I've been through my fir share of relationships and never had that chemistry with anyone before. Never even close. I realize that I have a bit of a quirky personality, a bit introverted, and it's hard for me to feel comfortable and that close to any particular person. I only experienced it once where it all clicked. And it's gone.

I guess that is more of a rant/ramble than a question but it helped to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening...

[yuyachan]

I hope that you will find som1 that is for you and better suits you- I know how you feel.. but try and rreplace your pain with every day.. and I'm always her to listan... OwO

[chuff]

It's been almost 3 months since getting dumped and 21 days of hard NC

So let's be realistic. It's been 21 days. The remaining 2 1/2 months were up in limbo. Saying it's been 3 months may be true, but it's not giving yourself the credit you have earned. You've gone 3 weeks after a breakup.

and overall doing ok, somewhat moved on with my life. However been feeling a bit down recently... I guess it is a combination of a few things. I actually went on a few dates... one I met randomly and one that was more of a setup between friends. It went ok... no real spark. I guess it got me missing my ex because we had such good chemistry together.

It got you missing your ex because there was no spark with the others, if there had been you might still be saying you had chemistry with your ex but it wouldn't be as pronounced.

There was a spark from the start. It got me a little depressed because I began to wonder if I could ever find someone that I have that kind of chemistry again.

There are 3 billion men on this planet. I'm going with yes. You just have to have some faith, and to be honest probably some recovery time.

I am not that young (mid-30's)

Uhhhh so am I and I consider myself young. It's all in your head and how you carry yourself. Furthermore in you 30's your smarter then you were in your 20's so you have that to your advantage. Putting a age on falling for someone only ensures you'll settle for the wrong person because you feel like you have to take who ever comes along.

and I've been through my fir share of relationships and never had that chemistry with anyone before. Never even close.

I felt that way after I was dumped my girlfriend of 3 years. Years later I would not say the same thing. My point is give yourself some time and I bet those ideas will pass. The guy was not perfect, and he obviously didn't appreciate what he had, which is good enough reason for you hold a strike against him.

I realize that I have a bit of a quirky personality, a bit introverted, and it's hard for me to feel comfortable and that close to any particular person.

Oh my God. Your different from the average bimbo... no guy would like someone different. Different is good, trust me as a guy I can tell you anything that women do different from the pack is something to cherish and not be beating yourself up over. I, along with 90% of the males on this planet would take quirky vs. boring and shy vs. loudmouth.

I only experienced it once where it all clicked. And it's gone.

I guess that is more of a rant/ramble than a question but it helped to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening...

It's good to rant, I'm all for it, but let's turn some of these non-powering beliefs around to your favor.

[ilovcali]

And maybe you shouldn't go on any dates right now. Dating will most likely remind you of what you had at this point. Plus, you won't find anyone you really like until you're done with the last relationship. I mean mentally.

Good luck! And don't worry about feeling crappy. Everyone has those crappy days.

--Cali

[brightside02]

Hi there. I can empathize with you a lot. My boyfriend broke up with me about three months ago and we've been NC for two months. And at that point the only contact was for me to get my spare house keys back. I've been feeling in the dumps a lot lately too. I haven't gone on any dates yet. Not for lack of trying, just no one of interest has come up. I'm in the same situation as you in terms of the connection we had. Never have I ever had the kind of connection with others as I had with him. I've had my fair share of dating experience as well (I'm 28) and out of all the boyfriends/guys I've dated - he was by FAR the one I felt the most connected with. He actually contacted me last week to get together to "clear the air". I posted about this on here earlier in the week. I agreed to go to see what he has to say. We didn't have a nasty breakup, it was just very sad. Most of the breakup had to do with things I needed to deal with on a personal level. Which I have and learned a lot about myself in the past three months. I've made a lot of headway in my outlook on things and how I need/want to act in a relationship. I know he's not going into this meeting looking to get back together but I do want to let him know, somehow, that I've made efforts to improve my attitude and outlook on life. In a nutshell, I was selfish in our relationship, irrationally expected things from him, and was pessimistic about things in general. I'm just not sure how to convey that to him without it coming off like I'm trying to "convince him" to get back together. I would love to have him back in my life since I feel the downfall of our relationship was due mainly to my actions. In a way I'm thankful this happened because I did need something to push me to change.

[bigdee]

Oh my God. Your different from the average bimbo...

Definitely... cause I'm a guy! I must write like a girl 'cause it's not the first time someone made that assumption LOL.

But thanks for the good advice.

[maxim_r]

That was a great response by Chuff, couldn't have said it better myself. You have to go from a mindset that there isn't anyone else out there for you to a mindset that you have an abundance of choice.

[chuff]

My apologies for screwing up your gender, but taking gender out of it, the advice is still applies. Your not old, your have much to offer, you need to give yourself some TRUE recovery time, and you she obviously doesn't know what she had, so she's not worth your time, energy, and love. YOU deserve someone that will appreciate what you offer, and if she can't then that is HER loss, not yours.

[Andrew916]

I too have a quirky personality (people think I'm on drugs when I haven't touched the stuff). People like others for their perfections but they love them for their flaws (and quirks). Hang in there! It may be a while but you'll find that click!

[bigbird213]

What people don't understand is that its about being confident in who you are and what you have to offer 100x more than having what other people want. Learn to be happy with yourself rather than changing yourself to make others happy. Post breakup, everything you do should be done with you in mind.

[talaniman]

I only experienced it once where it all clicked. And it's gone.

Once you heal "old guy" you will be surprised pleasently, by all the options you have.

[bigdee]

Even though I have been dumped by my ex-GF 2 months ago, I still help out my ex financially a bit. A little complex and I don't want to get into all the details but basically I have a joint account with her for some services of which I pay the bill. Since I signed a contract of sorts, I'm kind of stuck for the duration of it. I could have opted out early with a penalty but at the time I decided to leave it alone as I wanted things to be amicable, at the time she was going through a lot of stress which was (fairly or unfairly) caused by me (background: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...e-214728.html), and genuinely wanted to help her out while she gets her feet wet with her new career. She's been going a bit crazy with the service and the bill has been quite high recently. She said that she will give me some money when she has a chance since she feels bad. Anyway I got to thinking... why am I doing this (paying her bills)? For whatever reason I was thinking of it tonight and I got angry! So am I doing this to help out someone I care about? I think the truth is that deep down I do not want to move on and have hope of getting back together even though I have told myself that I am moving on and looking to the future. Though I have been telling myself that I just want to genuinely help a friend out... a friend I barely talk to at all. A friend that sems to not want to have anything to do with me. A friend that I can't sleep right now because I am upset about... does this make any sense what I am doing?

[Kevin_s]

I think the truth is that deep down I do not want to move on and have hope of getting back together even though I have told myself that I am moving on and looking to the future.

I think you've answered your own question my friend.

[talaniman]

what I am doing?

I think your realizing the mistakes you made while under the influence of false hope.

Renegotiate, or keep your word, and learn a valuable lesson.

Never make a promise you don't intend to keep, whether under emotional duress or not.

[bigdee]

I think your realizing the mistakes you made while under the influence of false hope.

Renegotiate, or keep your word, and learn a valuable lesson.

Never make a promise you don't intend to keep, whether under emotional duress or not.

Unfortunately for me (in this case) keeping my word has always been very important to me... even if doing so is detrimental to me. Some people think I am stupid but I've always been stubborn about keeping my word once I give it. I did break NC to tell her about the high expenses and if she could keep it under control and she said that she'd try. And I'll see if she actually comes up with any money to give me as she promised.

[bigdee]

Well I decided that I need to end this joint account. Even though there will be a penalty, the cost of that will still be less than if I continue to pay her bills. Even worse is the emotional impact on me. She finally contacted me to discuss getting together so she can give me some money sometime. But when I followed up with her on when to meet, she said she is not sure, that this weekend she is busy and she is really stressed out. I said what about Friday and she said that she is often tired from work and doesn't have the energy to meet me but maybe she will think about it and if she feels like it she will let me know. Since it will take all of 15 minutes to meet up, chat a bit about the bills and to exchange money, I felt fairly insulted that she finds it too much of a hassle to meet up for 15 minutes (right around the corner from where she is) when I have been paying her part of the bills for the past few months. She means well and I know she is stressed out but obviously getting a hold of me to pay me back is very low on her priority and after all I have been doing for her, I feel it is wrong. I've decided to let her know that I am going to cancel the joint account and while I feel bad since she is still struggling to get her life going with her new career and such, I have to do this for me because of the angst it is causing me.

Yes I have learned my lesson. Tal - you are bang on... I made a mistake under the influence of false hope. I am really giving up that false hope by canceling this account...

[bigbird213]

Glad to hear you are letting go of the false hope... It can really be a killer, especially when it was used in a decision that haunts you now, months later...

I think your making the right decision, and she really doesn't have much to complain about as it sounds as though you have been more than fair thus far...

[friend4u178]

Can she transfer the funds into your account? that negates having to meet up with her.