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It's only natural to want to feel wanted. Rejection hurts, even if it's from someone you don't want, in the first place. That's OK. You've acknowledged the feeling and realized that it's not something you want to pursue. Now, you just have to put the feeling, and the relationship, behind you and work to move on. Take your time. I would suggest waiting several months, if not longer, before getting into another relationship. You need that time to deal with everything, process emotions, let go of the past, and figure out who you are OUTSIDE of a relationship. Only after you've done all that, will you be ready to truly move on. |
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I have started to read your other thread and what your x has done to you is awfull and wrong on so many levels hon! I think a lot of people come to AMHD to get advice and help on problems dealing with break ups, heart ache and relationships in general! How do you feel? Isn't that a good place to start? I've always found it helpful to start with verbalizing my emotions... So how DO YOU feel? I'll read/listen and advice anyway that I can! |
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Thank you so much and right now it feels like it's the end of the world. I really hate how he made it seem like he was the victim and he was the one that was going through so much, I tried to see it that way but he hasn't dealt with anything, its always been me dealing with it it was totally unfair and I feel so stupid for dealing with it. I hate having to see him everyday and I know for sure I'll see him with other girls because everyone likes him, but I just hate that he was so mean and he didn't care. |
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I think that you def need time to heal and let yourself heal. I know that its prob going to be really though for you now.. to see him in school and so on, but HS doesn't last for ever (I know, not that comforting at the moment right?) Also I def think that you need to step back from this situation and deal with the emotions that you're dealing with right now. Cause they need to be addressed! They really do! Both the emotions surrounding him and his role in it all, what ever emotions you have regarding your role in it and the emotional pain surrounding your mom... and maybe even the baby you lost... The way I see it, you're a 16 year old girl who has a lot of emotion and pain on your plate right now and I think it would be wise of you to try and deal with it... I do have two suggestions as to how you can deal with the pain and clearly define your thoughts on all the things that has happened to you. 1. either see a school conslor... or maybe talk to your dad and tell him that you think it's a good idea for you to maybe see a therapist/phycologist/conslor, because you've been through a lot and sometimes its good to have an outsider help you to deal with the pain and the events that have taken place! 2. Start a diary or journal where you try to verbalize what you are going trhough! I know that both might seem reduntant, or silly, or like there is no point to it! But I always think that both options are worth a try. (I know that both points have worked for me, and I know people who has sorted to both and found it helpful!) And know that AMHD and we.. the people who voluntair our time here are here when you need us! PS: I would like to add that going back to him should not be an option... it won't get better no matter how much you want it to! It will most likely just get worse. He is an immature, insenitive 17 year old boy... and you should work on getting over him and STAYING away from him! |
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 Originally Posted by roxypox
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I'm glad that you're verbalizing it! Its always a good way to start. To verbalize and sort things out! First of all, it is understandable that you hate having to see him everyday... but hopefully with time this will get better! (I know, not that comforting right now, but it will!) Time heals all wounds might sound like a cheezy cliché but its pretty true... with time and sorting out the way we feel about stuff we can get through a lot of stuff! All of the things you're feeling right now are not wrong in anyway, at least I don't think so. Even the part about feeling stupid for dealing with the situations that the two of you got into together! I can totally understand where you're coming from! I was in a relationship with a guy who treated me like crap and I am fully aware of now that I let him threat me like crap.. and once I got out of the relationship is when I could see that clearly! And I felt like a complete idiot. There I was a 25 year old college gratuate who was labeled as promising and I had enabled this jerk to make me feel like an idiot. I had let him wear me down to this person who had no beief in herself... no self conficence at all. I'm not saying that this is how you feel and why you feel the way you do... I'm saying it because I know what its like to come out of a relationship with the short end of the stick. I even left him, mostly because he was not letting go! He refused to let go! It's also not that strange to hate him! What I think is a good idea though is to separate certain things about him out and dealing with him, the relationship and all of the different problems and deal with them seperatly. And not wanting to see him in school and dreading when he finds someone new, well I think that will lighten as you walk a path where you can reconzile with the way you feel and hopefully get to a place where you can LET GO of those feelings! Do you think that will be posible with time? I know from the other thread that this is still very fresh and that you have a lot of othe rthings going on right now! |
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Cupid, I know what you mean about the mixed emotions and confusing thoughts. We have all been there at one time or another. Relationships are complicated and difficult, especially when they have to come to an end.
Even in the worst of relationships you will find and remember some good times, but it is important that you accept the confirmation from everyone that has posted, that your feelings, and doubts and fears about this boyfriend, are saying everything you probably already know. You need to hear it, and allow the truth to just be what it is. There are people out there your own age, that can open a whole new world for you. Motivate yourself to make a plan to go in a different direction. Join a club at school, or join theatre (not sure why I said that, but you are sensitive, and that is a good way to allow for expression). Start keeping a diary when you feel yourself questioning if you are doing the right thing, and write in it every single time you have a good day, that just involves you and your needs, wants and dreams. As you build up your confidence and experience new things with likeminded people, you'll develop new friendships, some that may last a lifetime. Don't slip now. Take those steps to being independent and you will gain so much in return. But, you have to work for it. I hope that someday you will look back on this boyfriend, and realize it was a wakeup call, and also know that you are a decent person, and deserve to be treated as a human being, with all that that should entail. You and your future are what counts. You can leave him in the dust and have the satisfaction of knowing that you found a way out, and you're going after your dreams without anybody holding you back. |
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Originally Posted by EarlyCupid12
Cause I feel, after reading about your story that you def could use some non partial help with all of this! I'm also glad that your dad seems like a man who is open and understanding! Why not tell him that: You feel that you could really use some help sorting stuff out. He knows about your mom, you told him about the baby.. so he'll prob understand and agree that seeing someone who is not standing in the middle of all this is a good idea! |
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I know I'll get over this but its just so much, and I try my best not to think about it, when I saw him today he looked happy like nothing ever happened, and acted like I wasn't even there, there are these freshman or 9th graders and they're the girls that like him. I've dealt with rumors and all types of stuff from them and he always hangs around them I don't understand why, and I have very few friends in the lower grades and they tell me what they've heard and what people say and they just don't know anything that I have been through,yet they talk like they were in the relationship with us, only my ffriends know everything he does and the things I've been through and how he treats me, It makes me not even want to walk through the halls at school, I feel like they have a reason to be happy and laugh at me since we're not together. None of them like me because they were jealous I went out with him. But honestly I'm the type of person that doesn't care about what other people think until that starts to effect how I think about myself |
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Well of course he likes them if they are the ones that give him attention, but in all honesty you shouldn't worry about that now! What you should do though is try to let go off all the things you Can't control he is one of those things, the girls who like him is another, and sadly rumors are also one of those things. You can't control what people are saying about you and when you walk down the hall and people are happy and laughing... one of my excericis when I want to control things I can't control Take a deep breath and think: I will not try to control what I can't control. I will walk away from the thought and try to think about the fact that EVERY moment lasts for only a moment! I think about this when I'm in physical and emotional pain to: this will pass, everything passes! I think you need to let go of those thoughts that come to you when your at school! Think about this instead... Its going to be summer soon... summer vacation all that it has to offer! Think about that! Let that keep your spirits up and over the summer you can work on your emotions, you can hopefully get to a better place and reach a place where it truly won't bother you. Summer is also a good time to take care of you and spend your time with people who gives you something positive: friends, your dad, other relatives... It seems that you have friends who know about your situation, lean on them. Find a safety in their friendship and the fact that they care about you! |
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Earlier in the school yet I let him put his things in my locker so we strted to share, and when he broke up with me the otherr day I told him to get his stuff out. He did. And today I stayed after for my extra class I go to scpa you know taking the stage, so when school was out my friend called me and said where are you come to the 4th floor, so I did. She handed me my things turns out he put my stuff in the trash in front of EVERYBODY, and now it seems like nobody likes him. What did I do to him to make him treat me like this, My friend said he put your stuff in trash and did something with my lock. WOw immature right, I'm thinking of telling my brother but my brother is crazy, he'll be done for. If my brother knew the details about what he's done to me he would be wiped off the face of this earth. |
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Yeah, I have a brother like that... i.e. will rpotect me at any cause. So maybe not tell him the details so your bro won't get in trouble. All though I'm happy to hear that you have a brother who cares abput you! What you could do is report him to the school or get a new locker and explain that someone "broke" into yours threw all your stuff in the trash and did something to your locker I see his way of acting Earlycupid as a way to try and control you. He is used to you being there. I'm betting that he enjoyed having you under his thumb.. so its very critical that you don't fall for his sh*t and that you keep strong although he is putting you through hell! Do you think that is doable? |
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Originally Posted by roxypox
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One way to get a discussion started sometimes is to have a person participate in something. Maybe if you feel inclined you can show him this site and you both look around together and comment on some of the posts in here. Doesn't have to be this thread. There are many here just like you in many ways. Either way it would get a dialogue started. |
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Originally Posted by EarlyCupid12
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