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gypsy456 · May 9, 2007, 08:03 AM

Originally Posted by doubfulGF

thanks AW...i'll be with my family this weekend. i'm really praying each moment now. telling Him to give me the grace and strength to endure this. i'm also thinking of joining a more proactive church...

you know, i wouldn't see any reason apart from that he is gay or has too much pride why he would want a break up. but then i don't really want to analyze. everything was actually going smooth (as he perceives it), it was just me who bursted into anger and frustration and broke up with him...but (sigh) i don't wanna think bout it anymore...im tired...

Of course you are tired.

You are starting to over-analyze...

Get distraction.

doubfulGF · May 9, 2007, 08:07 AM

Originally Posted by gypsy456

practical tips when it comes to emotional issues ?
that's a good one :)

we can break up with people and know exactly why we do it and yet... it can hurt and it usually does hurt...

time will heal.. it's a cliche, but it will.

good luck.
give yourself time.

Thanks, gypsy... im actually at the stage right now when I'm starting to get tired of the emotion and I choose to just be numb to it, and I try to just let the emotions knock me down, that way when I'm knocked down, it stops beating me and then I start to slowly recover and heal and wake up... :)

But on the real side, I'm feeling better each day... especially from everybody's encouragement.

Geoffersonairplane · May 9, 2007, 08:19 AM

The end of my relationship with my ex of 3 years was a painful experience. I can tell you, hand on heart, 8 months after the breakup and it really does get better in time. Time is a great healer but you must also keep yourself occupied, keep your mind occupied. There will be many, many ups and downs to come. I still have sad days when I remember the past but I have more up than down days and I am now better equipped to deal with those painful memories.

Stay away from the grapevine, out of contact with the ex and get busy living. Easier said than done but you must try.

Take one day at a time.

doubfulGF · May 9, 2007, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Stay away from the grapevine, out of contact with the ex and get busy living. Easier said than done but you must try.

Take one day at a time.

Ill drill this to my head... im actually thinking of moving to another place or city far from our usual friends. Is that good? Or is it just escaping?

Geoffersonairplane · May 9, 2007, 08:39 AM

Originally Posted by doubfulGF

ill drill this to my head...im actually thinking of moving to another place or city far from our usual friends. is that good? or is it just escaping?

That is a positive thing. You can make new friends and move on from the past. By eliminating things that remind you of the past, you have an advantage in the healing process. It is not escaping, it is moving on rather than being stuck somewhere that constantly reminds you of the past.

Of course, don't make this move if other areas of your life are going to suffer.

Be careful with choices that you make. We all have some part to play in our own destiny and that is the fruit of life.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

alizeblu · May 9, 2007, 08:39 AM

Heh, you know what he's doing? He knows you're hurt, so in return, to make HIM feel better, he acts as if he doesn't care anyway. But honestly, he probably doesn't care, cause he may think "theres more fishes in the sea" you know? So think of it this way, if he's having fun out there with some other girl, was he worth it?

And anyway, he can't let you know that he's affected by the break up, if YOU knew he was affected, it would help you sleep at night wouldn't it? He doesn't want that, he keeps the control by being unaffected, or "pretending to be."

I know this cause when I had a g/f, I begged, cried, pleaded, and she treats me like we never went out at all, like 4 YEARS was nothing , as if I didn't exist.

So how do you think she keeps the control over my emotions?

Exactly.

So its not worth it, just keep busy, I find that multi tasking helps me a lot, try it.

krystal1973 · May 9, 2007, 08:45 AM

Try to keep yourself busy, read a book that sparks your interests, call an old friend, spend sometime with your family. Missing someone and feeling sad when they are gone is NORMAL. It shows that you are an emotionally healthy individual. I promise the pain with go away with a little time.

kp2171 · May 9, 2007, 08:51 AM

You are going to be fine.

You speak like a person who has the power and determination to do what is right for herself.

You are going to be fine.

doubfulGF · May 9, 2007, 08:54 AM

Originally Posted by alizeblu

and ne wayz, he can't let you know that hes affected by the break up, if YOU knew he was affected, it would help you sleep at night wouldnt it? he doesnt want that, he keeps the control by being unaffected, or "pretending to be."

.

This is definitely right.. im actually laughing now... coz I realized that yeah, it would definitely help me sleep at night if he was affected. :) (at least I still see some selfishness and love for self from this point of view, lol) wow!

On the other hand, will he not be able to sleep at night too, if he realizes I've moved on? Lol... coz I'd really want to do that... :)

doubfulGF · May 9, 2007, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

That is a positive thing. You can make new friends and move on from the past. By eliminating things that remind you of the past, you have an advantage in the healing process. It is not escaping, it is moving on rather than being stuck somewhere that constantly reminds you of the past.

Of course, don't make this move if other areas of your life are going to suffer.

Be careful with choices that you make. We all have some part to play in our own destiny and that is the fruit of life.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Thanks :) yes, I will be careful with my options and choices from now on. And by the way, before I got into a relationship with this guy (gay, lol), I was also getting over someone, and I was also badly broken that time but this time is more painful because, I felt like I gave more to this relationship to make it work because I was also trying to prove to my previous guy that I'd be happier in my next relationship and that it will be forever this time (my bad :( ) although, I wasn't completely on the rebound, getting into our relationship helped to forget about the hurt and to heal completely and my boyfriend even promised me he'll not hurt me the same way that guy did... duh! Promises are said not done...
But then again, another painful lesson learned... this time is more painful. He was plainly there and doing everything I asked for but I don't really know why he is doing things for me, because I just couldn't feel him.

alizeblu · May 9, 2007, 09:14 AM

Well, revenge isint the way. You got to let him go.

Just don't think about it.

Look, if you love him, and you think its not going to work, do what you think is best for yourself, but don't do something that's going to affect him, be the bigger person and know that you're better than him anywayz,concited yes, but very helpful.

That way, in your mind, you didn't need him anywayz.

Sure there's memories, and you'll never forget him, but you got to move on sometime.

You don't want to pace around in circles wondering why it fell apart, its only going to bore a whole in the ground, and your still going to be stuck in the same rut.

doubfulGF · May 9, 2007, 09:17 AM

Originally Posted by kp2171

you are going to be fine.

you speak like a person who has the power and determination to do what is right for herself.

you are going to be fine.

YEAH!! I HAVE THE POWER AND DETERMINATION TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR MYSELF. I AM GOING TO BE FINE...!!! ***shouting*** whoooohooooo... screaming... and saying these lines over and over to myself now,, muchos gracias KP!

abi123 · May 9, 2007, 09:22 AM

Well it depends are you going out with these lads cause you like them or cause you want to get over your ex! Cause the last thing you want is giving a guy the wrong sign and think you really like him when you don't! I split up with my ex 5 weeks ago and the first thing I did was burn all the pictures off him and all the memorise erased out of my head! I am now back with him but I still think about why we split up but love can get thro it! I wish I was strong enough to say I'm over him but I was I hope your stronger than me! XXx

doubfulGF · May 9, 2007, 09:27 AM

Yeah blu... but as of this time... I will need you guys... I need people to be behind my bike and let go of me when I can drive it on my own and I can balance... it may sound dramatic or selfish, but it helps to have constant affirmation that you're doing well, and good and continuous encouragement... because it helps you not to look back and fall again...
Because sometimes when we realize there's no one behind you and we realize we're alone, we get distracted and fall off from our bikes again after driving by ourselves...

Because sometimes, reality is, your emotions can just betray you in one second and even if you're up the ladder sometimes, you get offguard and fall off... and I don't want that to happen... I'd still want you all around :)

And God knows how much this forum and you guys are strengthening me and helping me.

alizeblu · May 9, 2007, 09:32 AM

Yes, I agree. We all need this at times, as have I.

But there comes a time when you got to stop looking back, wondering if someone's there to catch you if you fall.

Instead, believe in yourself, enough that you know you Aren't going to fall again.

RIDE THAT BIKE GIRL!

Don't let past problems make you look back, you'll only fall off again.

But everyone here see's it, we see it in your postings, your quotes, you're ready.

But, DO YOU BELIEVE IT?

doubfulGF · May 9, 2007, 09:33 AM

Originally Posted by abi123

well it depends are you going out with these lads cause you like them or cause you wana get over your ex! cause the last thing you want is giving a guy the wrong sign and think you really like him when you dont! i split up with my ex 5 weeks ago and the first thing i did was burn all the pictures off him and all the memorise erased out of my head! i am now back with him but i still think about why we split up but love can get thro it! i wish i was strong enough to say im over him but i was i hope your stronger than me!! xXx

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you both this time around. :) as for me, maybe it's also an advantage that he's not doing anything to have me back, because somehow it strengthens my decision even more that he's not worth it... although, part of me (my heart) wants him back, I know this time, it's best to ignore my heart and follow my mind... but I don't really know too, what would happen if he asks me so I'm praying, he just wouldn't... coz sumhow I've made up my mind, I'm just training my heart to yield to my decision now... and it's hard to tame this foolish stupid heart of mine... but the insights and opinions I'm gettng from everyone here, strengthens me to stand by my decision because one day, I will look back at this point and say, "wow!! good i made that decision even if i struggled"...
By the way, I'm not yet seeing anybody else. And yes, when I dated this ex, it was a way of moving on for me. And I know it was wrong, but through time, I learned to love him even more than the guy before him.

sypher373 · May 9, 2007, 10:15 AM

Doubtful,

I know how you feel, and one thing that I have realized is that while I would love to see her upset and wanting me back, when it actually happens, it doesn't help that much. If that were to happen, then you would have to deal with the guilt of wanting to take him back, and knowing you shouldn't. It also keeps you worried about what he's going to do next, and your constantly trying to plan your next move. Its much easier to just know that he isn't going t be contacting you, because you can then just push the worries and the thoughts out of your mind.

Just some insight from my experience...

Hope it helps

doubfulGF · May 9, 2007, 10:42 AM

Originally Posted by sypher373

Doubtful,

I know how you feel, and one thing that I have realized is that while I would love to see her upset and wanting me back, when it actually happens, it doesnt help that much. If that were to happen, then you would have to deal with the guilt of wanting to take him back, and knowing you shouldnt. It also keeps you worried about what hes going to do next, and your constantly trying to plan your next move. Its much easier to just know that he isnt going t be contacting you, becuase you can then just push the worries and the thoughts out of your mind.

Just some insight from my expierence....

Hope it helps

Helpful insight... I know that things would be easier if there's just no further complication or further decisions to be made since I've already decided to just move on given the current situation but I don't know what will happen if another situation arises... it really helps me to hear it from those who've been here and done this and to know they've succeeded and they're OK now... :) so thanks... and sometimes, if I scan through some forums, I even realize there's a lot more people hurting more than me... so I should really get ofer this...

sypher373 · May 9, 2007, 10:48 AM

Give yourself some credit... its going to take time, and its going to be hard, but you're headed in the right direction, and you'll be fine.

doubfulGF · May 9, 2007, 11:59 AM

Originally Posted by sypher373

Give yourself some credit...its going to take time, and its going to be hard, but you're headed in the right direction, and youll be fine.

Thank you, sypher... im really feeling better each day and I guess I've gone pass through the denial stage and I am slowly accepting things that we're just not meant to be. Gay or not gay, we were just not compatible... I admit I might still be in the grieving stage but I have a great feeling I'll be over that grieving stage very soon :)

And then I'll throw a party to treat everybody in here for pushing me to the right path... :)