[Zea]

You already said that. We, on the other hand, gave you our opinions of the latest situation; you probably don't like them and you don't have to. I think reading your post and all the comments again might clear you thoughts.

In the end the choice is yours.

[skyecko]

I appreciate your thoughts and opinions. I do. I consider everything you have to say. My problem is that I am in love with her so strongly that I don't think my heart could bear a complete loss of her company. At least with talking every now and then I can cope. Having her completely gone out of my life and chances are I would become suicidal are very depressed and I just don't see me being strong enough to handle that.

[Zea]

Than you will need counseling.
Something similar happened to me. I used to like one guy, and every time I saw him my heart would go BOOM BOOM BOOM, and I would start to smile helplessly. Once he approached one girl and I was there to see it with my own eyes, of course I was devastated, because it seemed that he did not notice how nice I was being to him. My point is that I loved him a lot too. But you have to keep moving on it is the only thing that you can do. Instead to dwell on the past and hold on to false believes that is pointless and tortures to once 'self. I mean what if her relationship with her husband improves?

[dontknownuthin]

Well her and I both know that we can't do anything more than just talk as friends. She won't cross that boundary because she wants to do the right thing. Were not meeting or kissing or being intimate. Were only talking.

It's called an emotional affair. If her husband can't be part of the relationship, it's wrong and reprehensible cheating.

[skyecko]

Yes, it's true that it is an emotional affair. Honestly though after she came back from Vegas in Jan we were no longer intimate but we did talk until she broke up with me and asked for no contact. However, despite her telling me many things that sound positive (She enjoys talking to me; In treated her the best ever; That she will always be thinking of me; That if I was there in the future she would be happy.) -- I still feel a bit off because her actions are not the same. If all these things are true and she said she wants to be friends talking with me; then why doesn't she call or text me? She still seems like she is doing the no-contact. And yes, it would be emotional because she has no emotion for her husband after he cheated on her. She cares for him but does not love him and says she is only staying with him because the kids are happy being around him and her kids are the most important thing to her.

[talaniman]

That's why people should stay away from married people because they have a life that's important to them without you. And there you sit waiting for kind words you only get when you call. Poor sad human male. Hoping for some one else's female to make him happy.

If you had a life you wouldn't need her to make you happy. She isn't doing No Contact, she has changed the whole game to you sit and wait and maybe, just maybe she will include you and no telling when. I have seen it often when an affair or fling ends, but one party (YOU) just keeps holding on because of sweet words of false hope that have no actions behind them.

Pathetic and foolish and devoid of dignity, or self respect. I mean if she can lie and deceive her mate, she can lie and deceive you too.

[JudyKayTee]

"Than you will need counseling.
Something similar happened to me. I used to like one guy, and every time I saw him my heart would go BOOM BOOM BOOM, and I would start to smile helplessly. Once he approached one girl and I was there to see it with my own eyes, of course I was devastated, because it seemed that he did not notice how nice I was being to him. My point is that I loved him a lot too. But you have to keep moving on it is the only thing that you can do. Instead to dwell on the past and hold on to false believes that is pointless and tortures to once ‘self. I mean what if her relationship with her husband improves?"

How does this relate to a man who had a physical affair with a married woman? She's married. You read that, right?

Living apart or not - she's married!

You appear to be agreeing with his behavior and excusing hers.

[Zea]

"Than you will need counseling.
Something similar happened to me. I used to like one guy, and every time I saw him my heart would go BOOM BOOM BOOM, and I would start to smile helplessly. Once he approached one girl and I was there to see it with my own eyes, of course I was devastated, because it seemed that he did not notice how nice I was being to him. My point is that I loved him a lot too. But you have to keep moving on it is the only thing that you can do. Instead to dwell on the past and hold on to false believes that is pointless and tortures to once ‘self. I mean what if her relationship with her husband improves?"

How does this relate to a man who had a physical affair with a married woman? She's married. You read that, right?

Living apart or not - she's married!

You appear to be agreeing with his behavior and excusing hers.

"How does this relate to a man who had a physical affair with a married woman? She's married. You read that, right?" I was here when he first posted a thread about the same problem a few weeks ago; I read his two posts and all the comments that is what I always do before answering. How does this relate? Well, what I wanted to say is that if someone is in a relationship, than why wait? I moved on when I realized he liked another girl, I did not wait for him. That is what I suggest him to do.

"Living apart or not - she's married!" They lived apart when they were trying to get a divorce. If you read comment #11 you would see what I mean.

"You appear to be agreeing with his behavior and excusing hers." If you read comments #11 and # 23 you would see that I am all against cheaters. Since that woman is not here, the only thing someone can do is give an advice for, skyecko, I don't think there is a point in telling him what kind of person she is, he should be aware of her unacceptable behavior.

Sorry, if I was unclear.

[JudyKayTee]

Yes, I read the entire thread, just like every other thread to which I respond. You asked if people who have agreed to divorce are (sexually) loyal to each other. They are still married. "Agreed to divorce" and "divorced" are two different things.

She's a married woman.

"Well, what I wanted to say is that if someone is in a relationship, than why wait?" Wait for what? Intimacy? Wait around for the divorce? Something else?

[dontknownuthin]

The OP isn't actually interested in advice that makes sense like, "don't date married women" or, "She's playing you - be done already" or, "when someone tells you to leave them alone, stop calling and texting". He wants to drool after this jerk of a woman no matter how reprehensibly she treats her husband, no matter how horribly she treats her kids. He doesn't care, either, that she's aweful to him, giving hiim mixed signals and keeping him on the line while she works on her marriage.

He just wants to justify actions on both his part and that of his so-called "girlfriend" that he knows are wrong in every way.

[Zea]

"You asked if people who have agreed to divorce are (sexually) loyal to each other. They are still married. 'Agreed to divorce' and 'divorced' are two different things."
"She's a married woman."

"When they both agree to divorce do they expect loyalty from one another? I doubt that, and yes I agree, it is disrespectful to start a relationship while still trying to divorce.” (#11) “My advice to you is that you should forget it all, and move on.” (#6) Your comment reflects my opinion, I don't understand what is confusing.

“Wait for what? Intimacy? Wait around for the divorce? Something else?” I should ask YOU, wait for what? Wait for nothing; just move on. That is what I meant.
Sorry if I confused you. If you have any questions, than please don't hesitate.

[angel1293]

Did you ever think she might have decided to stay with him

[dontknownuthin]

did you ever think she might have decided to stay with him

Whatever she decided, she's married and playing games. She's not now, nor can she be expected to be in the future, worth bothering with based on what we know of her selfish, destructive behaviors so far.

[JudyKayTee]

Zea, I am not trying to offend you.

I don't think someone in high school (3rd year, probably 16) should be posting advice on adult boards. You swing from one position to another from the standpoint of someone your age, which I appreciate. However, some of these questions involving marriage, sex, relationships are simply outside your experience, both personal and professional.

I personally don't believe anyone underage belongs on adult boards.

I will ask the Moderators what they think but in the meantime I believe you are doing a grave disservice to the people who need/want adult advice.

I appreciate you have your own concerns. Perhaps they are best posted and you are best answering on the teen boards. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...ml#post3435816

This is absolutely nothing personal - I myself am a type A personality, and that sounds a lot like you. This is simply advice which I think could be harmful, advice which is not based on experience, training, education.

[Zea]

Zea, I am not trying to offend you.

I don't think someone in high school (3rd year, probably 16) should be posting advice on adult boards. You swing from one position to another from the standpoint of someone your age, which I appreciate. However, some of these questions involving marriage, sex, relationships are simply outside your experience, both personal and professional.

I personally don't believe anyone underage belongs on adult boards.

I will ask the Moderators what they think but in the meantime I believe you are doing a grave disservice to the people who need/want adult advice.

I appreciate you have your own concerns. Perhaps they are best posted and you are best answering on the teen boards. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...ml#post3435816

This is absolutely nothing personal - I myself am a type A personality, and that sounds a lot like you. This is simply advice which I think could be harmful, advice which is not based on experience, training, education.

Finally, it’s the raise of action, Judy. I am not mad at all, you grabbed my attention and I am joyful; I feel like you woke me from a deep boring slumber. You know, I read few of your comments and I admire how you question everything, you are an investigator it’s no wonder. At first I was suspicious but now I am positive that you also read at least most of my comments, because wherever I was there you were also correcting my mistakes. I think it all started from that chemistry question. If I am wrong, then you gave me the wrong impression. Tell me, I am curious now, did I get it right?

What if the Moderators will allow me to continue providing advices, how will I ever know if they agree or not? Will they send me a message on this website?

[dontknownuthin]

Finally, it’s the raise of action, Judy. I am not mad at all, you grabbed my attention and I am joyful; I feel like you woke me from a deep boring slumber. You know, I read few of your comments and I admire how you question everything, you are an investigator it’s no wonder. At first I was suspicious but now I am positive that you also read at least most of my comments, because wherever I was there you were also correcting my mistakes. I think it all started from that chemistry question. If I am wrong, then you gave me the wrong impression. Tell me, I am curious now, did I get it right?

What if the Moderators will allow me to continue providing advices, how will I ever know if they agree or not? Will they send me a message on this website?

I don't understand what this means. The "raise of action?"

The boards are open for anyone to answer but we all try to stay in our lane, so to speak. We aren't all necessarily experts on all topics we respond to, but we try to limit ourselves to reponding to subjects about which we have some personal experience, professional expertise or knowledge. For example, I am comfortable answering faith questions about my own religion - Catholicism--but would not post an answer about the Muslim faith because I don't have either experience or special knowledge about Muslim faith.

On this subject of marriage, I suppose a teenager with divorced parents might have the experience to provide some insight and support to another teenager with parents who are going through a divorce, but not advise for the parents themselves. Does that make sense?

[JudyKayTee]

The raise of action? What?

You and I posted on the same boards. I don't see that to be a problem. I am surprised you think I corrected your mistakes. I thought you felt your advice was accurate.

I do see your advice on matters which you clearly don't understand to be useless.

I have no idea what the Mods do and don't do. There's a "report" feature. If you are unhappy, use it.

[Zea]

I don't understand what this means. The "raise of action?"

The boards are open for anyone to answer but we all try to stay in our lane, so to speak. We aren't all necessarily experts on all topics we respond to, but we try to limit ourselves to reponding to subjects about which we have some personal experience, professional expertise or knowledge. For example, I am comfortable answering faith questions about my own religion - Catholicism--but would not post an answer about the Muslim faith because I don't have either experience or special knowledge about Muslim faith.

On this subject of marriage, I supose a teenager with divorced parents might have the experience to provide some insight and support to another teenager with parents who are going through a divorce, but not advise for the parents themselves. Does that make sense?

Yes, thanks for explaining.

[JudyKayTee]

What does "raise of action" mean?

And, yes, Joy - good work indeed.

[Zea]

“And, yes, Joy - good work indeed.” I think your comment belongs here: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...-741917-2.html
“What does 'raise of action' mean?” That was a mistake, please ignore it.

I never said that my comments were useless, I don't believe they were. But, also, I don't want to hide like a coward and lie to you and myself, I made some mistakes. I felt really terrible because I really, really, really did not want to mess it up for any of the OPs.
I will not post on the adult boards as long as I am a teenager, the only reason I came to this site was to help people. Just to be clear, I never meant to be rude, disrespect, or bother anyone when I gave an advice, not to you nor to anyone else, and if I did than I hope you accept my apologize.