[pApeRthIn]

Deffinatly don't do that. That's just stooping as low as the guy that dumped you by text. So you don't want to be like that but you don't have move on so fast. Just give it time and I'm sure it will get better some time.

I can understand how it doesn't make sense but you will start getting over it and you will won't feel so hurt or angry.

And people don't move on so quickly they say they do but they don't. Take as much time as you need

Hope all goes well

[Merrywidow87]

This ex dumped me a year ago. I was just trying to move on. Friends were trying to encourage me too.

[amicon]

You don't move on by getting involved with somebody else-you move on by getting over the ex.

[talaniman]

So what else in your life is happening that you have been holding on to feelings from a year ago? Another failed relationship? Money problems? Job? Family? What?

[Merrywidow87]

My shrink suggested dating others so I did. I didn't use the new guy and I was genuinely upset when he had to go back home. I'm not that callous, I did care about him. I know I'll never see my ex again and I don't expect him to contact me after a year.

When am I supposed to start dating again?

I've tried everything to move on. I've read just about every breakup book out there. I've talked to friends and family. I've been seeing a shrink for almost a year.

[amicon]

If you have been in therapy for a year and you still feel stuck-have you considered changing therapists?

[tickle]

If you have been in therapy for a year and you still feel stuck-have you considered changing therapists?

Some people are impervious to help or good advice and keep on making the same mistakes over and over again. Mostly they are very needy people who just can't break out of a cycle. Much like women who go back to the men who have physically abused them and the whole cycle of abuse starts over again.

Tick

[Merrywidow87]

Yes I have considered it. I haven't been back as the last time was such a bad experience.

I'm not impervious to help and good advice. I mean I've been going to this therapist for a year. I really don't want to make the same mistakes again. Tickle I find your posts insulting.

Unlike my ex I don't hurt people on purpose and get enjoyment out of it. I do care for the guy I was seeing after him.

How will I know if another therapist would help me? What will they do differently that will actually help me?

[amicon]

Do your research on the internet and look into therapies that sound right to you.

You should be allowed a 'let's see if we can work togheter ''free appointment to find out if it's right for you.

[excon]

Will I always want revenge? Dumped by text

Hello Merry:

I've been wanting to comment on this thread... But, my advice is CONTRARY to everybody else's. Will you ALWAYS want revenge?? YOU BETCHA! If you find a therapist who wants you to STOP feeling that way, FIRE him.

In my view, I don't think you should/CAN change the way you feel. All you can do is accept how you feel, and MAKE good decisions about what you DO about it, instead of letting your EMOTIONS decide for you...

Look.. I still want revenge on that sorry MF who screwed me over 35 years ago. No, I DIDN'T do anything about it.. Is my advice correct?? I don't know. It's correct for ME.

excon

[tickle]

I'm not impervious to help and good advice. I mean I've been going to this therapist for a year. I really dont want to make the same mistakes again. Tickle I find your posts insulting.

Merry; sorry to say this but in everything you have stated you have never had one positive comment to make about yourself. Everything is negative. Once you stop thinking negatively, then you will be making one giant step ahead but until then, all the talk, all the writing is not going to do you any good at all.

After seven pages of writing, what more is there to say from either end. Anyone who has given, or wants to give you advice has already done it and you still come back as positive negative. So get over it and move on.

I am sorry if you find my replies insulting, I am not sure they all were, but if the truth hurts Merry, live with it. If you can't take positive feedback for your problem, then no counsellor will be able to help you either. YOU are the one who has to help yourself.

tickle

[Handyman2007]

There was(is) someone else. He is a coward by texting a breakup. Get on with your life. This is not your fault. Do NOT blame yourself.

[talaniman]

Quote by Excon,
All you can do is accept how you feel, and MAKE good decisions about what you DO about it, instead of letting your EMOTIONS decide for you...

Is it at all possible that when the next guy you dated left, all those old feelings from the first ex came flooding back?

[Fr_Chuck]

A person is not required to break up in any certain way. They can just not say a word if they don't want to, so you are not owed anything.

So you got angry, it is time to get over it, you have a problem, you in my opinion was getting yourself worth from this other person and think they owe you something.

You can stay bitter your entire life and waste it, or you can change yourself

[Merrywidow87]

True but if someone had any decency at all, than they wouldn't do this. When someone leaves you high and dry and refuses to even have the breakup talk with you, I realise it easily makes you obsess about it. It was a real mindf***. I thought is the things he's told me true? Am I really like that?

[Merrywidow87]

Yeah I guess it did quite a bit.

[Merrywidow87]

I do really appreciate everyone's advice. I just couldn't believe that I could be so wrong about someone. His beaviour was a complete cop out. I do truelly want to move on, more than anything. I mean I did everything right before and after the breakup. I never broke NC once. I want to move on, but I'm afraid of getting hurt again. I did everything right in this relationship and I just think what's the point? I struggle with the sense of no justice.

You say move on, so how?

[tickle]

If you are having so much difficulty with this issue, and you truly want to move on, then how much would it cost you (not necessarily in money) but in social activity, job placement to move far enough away that you can leave most of this behind you ?

You need a radical change; you need to do something that you have never done before; a vacation where you meet new people from different walks of life with different careers.

In other words your mental system needs a positive shock to get you out of this rut you are right now.

Would I do it? You betcha, if it would help me focus on a truly happy future down the road without baggage. We are all going to have some sort of baggage to take us through life but it doesn't have to be the baggage that keeps us downtrodden.

Tick

[talaniman]

I think maybe you put so much on a personal relationship, when they fail, you fail. It's a trap we all fall into, especially when we invest so much of ourselves into someone else, and come to depend on them, or the relationship itself to make us happy.

That same time and energy you put into some one else, start putting it into yourself, and start doing good things for yourself. I think you will find that by taking care of you for a change, not only will you raise your spirits but raise your awareness of all the people, places, and things, and activities that you enjoy.

When you are happy with YOURSELF, then you will have the confidence to overcome any obstacle that life throws at you. This is but a temporary glitch made bigger by your own feelings, because you made some one else a priority, instead of yourself. Change that, and heal.

You are hardly the first and only person to be hurt by a failed relationship(S), and indeed two within 6 months can really shake the faith. Stop looking for love, and just love yourself. Make yourself happy without a partner. That's how you heal, and move on. Making new memories to replace old ones, and having new experiences, to move old ones out of the way. Now start being good to yourself.

[Merrywidow87]

Thanks and the other thing is I also want to stop attracting jerks and players. They always seem nice to start with, but soon after they show their real colours.

I don't intentionally go after this type, not at all. Far from it.