[khaos87]

You think I should act like I don't want to really talk like keep it short talk to my kids and say hey sorry to keep it short but I have to go... maybe it will keep her thinking and guessing... and my kids are my world I know its not about me or her but I want to be a family for them they deserve what every kid deserve and thts both parents being together...

[Wondergirl]

You think I should act like I dont wanna rly talk like keep it short talk to my kids and say hey sorry to keep it short but I have to go

Don't talk to your kids about being away from them or about a divorce. This is your big chance to be the fun dad they want in their lives. If you can talk on the phone with them, sing kid songs like "Row row row your boat" or "Itsy bitsy spider" or "The wheels on the bus go round and round" or any kid songs you know, and get them to sing with you. Or on the phone or even in texting, tell them stories, maybe about a spider you saw and what you decided to name him and what the spider might do all day or tell them about a cloud you saw that looked like a big boat and tell how it floated along in the air. In other words, talk about stuff that is fun and will mean something to them, especially the older two. You've got to get past the focus on your failed marriage, and be the daddy your kids deserve.

Does this make sense to you?

[khaos87]

I do understand this I mean I am a great dad as far as all that goes but yeah I can't get over her I miss her Sooo much! It's driving me crazy! I want to just snap my fingers Nd b with her again

[talaniman]

That ain't going to happen and filing for a divorce takes some nerve when you are the one who cheated. TWICE!

Frankly guy, you get what you deserve and the courts will decide the child support, and visitations. I only hope you are true to your word and will be a good dad through all this.

[amicon]

That ain't going to happen and filing for a divorce takes some nerve when you are the one who cheated. TWICE!

Frankly guy, you get what you deserve and the courts will decide the child support, and visitations. I only hope you are true to your word and will be a good dad thru all this.

Bingo!!

[khaos87]

I only filed for divorce so she wouldn't leave state she knows this if she came back I would dismiss the divorce of course... happens all the time... yeah filing those papers was the hardest thing I've ever done!

[talaniman]

My advice to you sir, is to get off the pity pot, and stop scheming and coniving and worrying how to get your wife back, and instead of filing divorce papers to keep her from leaving the state, you should focus on setting up a way to give her financial stability, and security, so your kids can be raised.

I mean it was YOUR instability and bad judgement that started all this, and filing for divorce won't keep her in state, it's a slap in the face, and accomplishes nothing except send a clear signal that YOU still have control.

Its almost funny you took these actions instead of taking the chance to be responsible as you could have laid the ground work for remorse, and conversation through the right actions.

Setting up a bank account that you deposit into for your kids, and making sure she has access, would go further than divorce paper don't you think? Face it, filing papers after you have cheated TWICE, won't go over well in any court, anywhere in America.

Putting the needs of your family first is a better option, whether she avails herself of it or not, because its quite clear she is in no hurry to come back to you, nor will she be in the future. ACCEPT that fact, and start doing the right things for the right reasons for a change.

There may be no reward for you, you lying cheater, but it's the right thing to do as you make adjustments to your situation.

Or you can continue to be selfish (as all cheaters are), and continue to reap the consequences of your actions, so that's my advice.

Start doing the right thing, for the right reasons and have hopes of one day being a good dad, IN PERSON.

That's something to work for, and is better than sitting on the pity pot, lamenting your misfortune at being caught being a dirty dog! Should you take our advice you will find that it's the hardest thing you have ever done in your life, much, much harder than filing those papers against your wife for control!

And you should have figured out by now that that hasn't worked out to well for you, has it??

[khaos87]

I filled the papers because when you do she isn't alound to leave state with my kids the papers weren't for her it was for the kids... and it has worked in my favor she is in contempt of court and she's looking at having to possibly give the kids to me which I want... and the money she won't take I make better money then most so trust my kids come first... she did what she did and is calling everyday getting nicer and opening the door and I will go in one day... as far as having an affair courts don't care why your getting a divorce they don't ask cause it don't matter unless law was involved so thts relevant to anything thanks for trying to help but get your advice straight lmao

[talaniman]

I am not LMAO at your situation, but I am LMAO if you think you can keep a family with bully selfish TACTICS, and expect positive results.

Sure no law was broken, but a smart girl would have you taken to the cleaners right fast, and she still can so play nice fella, because your selfish actions have already caused enough harm, don't you think?

You think you have control, and are working her? LMAO at that. Its her that has the option of walking through the door, not you! And she has chosen NOT to so far. And good luck with custody my friend, because right now she has that too!

Just keep laughing your arse off, while you deal with the short end of the stick, and tell me what a great dad you are right now. Fact is you may INTEND to be in the future, but for now... you are a guy with kids that ran his wife away, and are not supporting them. Hope you can laugh your a$$ off at those facts.

Good luck with that, but have a lawyer ready, just in case she doesn't feel like laughing any more. That's some advice you can use!

[Cat1864]

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You want me to believe you are a great dad, when until Tal pushed you every post was about how to get your wife back. That includes the ones about how to be a long distance father.

You didn't have to file for divorce. You could have asked for joint custody and gotten the same result. Instead, you come off as wanting to punish her for leaving you.

I think she is wrong in not allowing you contact, but, quite frankly, I think she is afraid you will take the children and try to use them as leverage to force her to do what you want. Not surprisingly, that is pretty much what you have said intentions are in this thread. How many times in the past did she leave and come back?

At this point, your lawyer should be in contact with hers since the two of you seem unable to communicate like adults where the children are concerned.

Your behavior may not make a difference in a divorce settlement, but many judges will look at it when they determine custody. It is one thing to say you want your family and your children, but your actions speak volumes against it.

I don't know what you can do at this time to get the contempt of court charges dropped (if there are any), but I suggest you do your best and through lawyers or perhaps her friend and start mending bridges. Perhaps supplying a way for her to allow contact with the children that she feels safe with. Perhaps going to counseling. For yourself and maybe in the future for the family so that you can work together whether you are a couple or not.

By the way, having lived in a couple of places where the state line is less than 20 minutes away, I don't know how much of an issue that really is. Why are you so dead set against her leaving the state? If you were so afraid of it that you started divorce proceedings to force her to stay, then you must have some idea of where she might have been planning to go.