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JudyKayTee · May 13, 2011, 06:18 AM

I was working on that myself. My bigger concern is why anyone would choose to wear a bra and where a person would buy a bra in whatever size a big, strong guy wears. Hmm.

The flip side of this is she could have double the wardrobe if they are close to the same size.

Just sayin'.

smoothy · May 13, 2011, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I was working on that myself. My bigger concern is why anyone would choose to wear a bra and where a person would buy a bra in whatever size a big, strong guy wears. Hmm.

The flip side of this is she could have double the wardrobe if they are close to the same size.

Just sayin'.

Probably the same place Plus size women get theirs, At Walmart, Target, etc... I see a lot of rather beefy women with rather broad shoulders and torso's. They get them someplace too. Unless he is a really, really huge guy... these women are bigger. And you know I'm talking band size... not cup size. (I have a knack for guessing women's bra sizes just by looking at them fully clothed, and I get it right fairly often.)

Synnen · May 13, 2011, 07:28 AM

There are websites that sell to men looking for these items. It's a COMMON fetish. Look it up.

And as far as bras go--if it doesn't have to SUPPORT anything, it might not be as uncomfortable as it is for those of us that wear a bra for support.

I know plenty of small-breasted women who have no problems wearing a bra, and have fun with the pretty styles they can wear. It's just those of us that are well-endowed that have issues with that.

THAT BEING SAID---can we please discuss the fetish elsewhere and try to help the OP get past the fact that her husband was wearing womens' underwear?

EmbracingPose · May 13, 2011, 08:38 AM

You should be concerned; how long have you been married?! Were they your underwear?! Be very concerned...

Good Luck!

smoothy · May 13, 2011, 08:48 AM

Originally Posted by EmbracingPose

You should be concerned; how long have you been married?!! Were they your underwear?!! Be very concerned...

Good Luck!

Concerned about WHAT exactly? You have read all the previous posts?

JudyKayTee · May 13, 2011, 09:32 AM

Originally Posted by EmbracingPose

You should be concerned; how long have you been married?!! Were they your underwear?!! Be very concerned...

Good Luck!

Please read the questions and answers before you answer.

And I'll go back to my original thought - ASK him. She asked and he said he likes the feel.

I still don't know if he had all of this lingerie hidden and she just found it; did he now show it to her - she knows he has a lot of lingerie; if she's known all along and just posted now; if he deliberately got "caught;" what the situation is.

Without more info counselling is the quick answer. However, more info would help.

Alty · May 13, 2011, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by EmbracingPose

You should be concerned; how long have you been married?!! Were they your underwear?!! Be very concerned...

Good Luck!

What should she be concerned about? Elaborate.

Personally, I see no reason for concern. So her husband likes to wear women's underwear. There's nothing wrong with that.

The only thing she should be concerned about is how she's dealing with it. She's thinking of leaving her husband just because of his clothing preference.

needhelp0101 · May 13, 2011, 06:34 PM

Been married for 23 years . He has been wearing ladies underwear since he was a young boy . Don't think that he wanted to get caught . He bought them in various stores and keep them at his yard . He was also wearing my underwear most of witch he bought for me I now know why he bought so many of them . Don't know what to do or how to look at him we had long talk .whats wrong with me that he has to do this ?

smoothy · May 13, 2011, 06:49 PM

Nothing wrong with you at all... its just something he likes... and has liked long before he knew you. Some people are into S&M... he's into this.

Alty · May 13, 2011, 07:35 PM

This has nothing to do with you. It's something he likes to do.

Put it this way. Is there anything you like to do? Do you read romance novels? Do you watch chick flicks? Do you like to wear high heels? Do you like to wear the color red?

It has to do with what he likes, not with anything lacking in you. You're making this about you, and it's not.

If you can understand that, then you can get through this.

Counseling really is your best bet.

Fr_Chuck · May 13, 2011, 07:45 PM

The only thing wrong is that he has felt he had to hide this from you. He should have been upfront, since most people have various desires and fetishes.

I hope it is the hiding it from you, more than the act itself that has you upset.

Unless he wants to do it in private, perhaps you can add it to your foreplay and sex life

Synnen · May 14, 2011, 06:11 AM

There is NOTHING wrong with you. This is all about him, not about you.

Let's put it this way--if you wore pants all the time and not skirts, would your husband have a right to ask what's wrong with him, because you're always the one trying to wear the pants in your household? Of course not!

This is just something he likes to wear. It has nothing at all to do with you, and thousands of very straight, very happily married men do it every single day.

I really do suggest that you get counseling--alone or together--to deal with the shock of this.

JudyKayTee · May 14, 2011, 07:32 AM

Agree with FrChuck - maybe OP can accept this fetish. Maybe she cannot. Shock must be a big factor in the level of her upset. The husband hid this behavior from her for all these years and now has decided to come clean. That's good for him. That may not be so good for her.

I think he should have been honest many years ago - she could have left or stayed... but she would have known.

MUHAIMEN · May 19, 2011, 02:52 AM

There are some men who used female underwear for them to be comfortable, but it is very odd for me if he wearing bra.

JudyKayTee · May 19, 2011, 06:12 AM

Originally Posted by MUHAIMEN

there are some men who used female underwear for them to be comfortable, but it is very odd for me if he wearing bra.

With respect I think the "oddness" of this situation has been covered. Now the question is how to help this woman - ?

J_9 · May 19, 2011, 06:58 AM

Originally Posted by needhelp0101

we had long talk

For us to help you better, it might help if we knew what he told you during that "long talk."

dontknownuthin · May 19, 2011, 10:39 AM

Your husband apparently was experimenting with cross dressing. Some cross dressers are gay, many are not - the two things are not really related. Some cross-dressers are actually transgender people - people who for example were born male but feel like a female - and they feel more comfortable dressed and living as the opposite gender, but this is a small percentage of the population overall.

All you can tell from seeing your husband in female clothing is that he wanted to try female clothing. The rest, he has to tell you. If you act appalled and disgusted and angry, it will not feel safe for him to discuss this potentially embarrassing and secret side of himself with you.

Open a dialogue - "I was shocked and upset to see you like that but I want to understand. Can you please explain what this behavior means to you, and whether it means anything is different in our marriage?" Then just listen. Tell him that if he will not discuss it with you it is certainly going to be a problem because now that you saw him like that, you must have some understanding - but that if he's honest and open, you will try your level best to be understanding.

Cat1864 · May 19, 2011, 11:02 AM

Needhelp's follow-up posts add some facts that might be helpful to those giving advice.

Originally Posted by needhelp0101

he is a 48 yo big strong man and can't get my head round what i saw him standing there in bra and panties

Originally Posted by needhelp0101

we talked he says he is not gay and just likes the feel of the soft silk and lace on his skin

Originally Posted by needhelp0101

been married for 23 years . he has been wearing ladies underwear since he was a young boy . dont think that he wanted to get caught . he bought them in various stores and keep them at his yard . he was also wearing my underwear most of witch he bought for me i now know why he bought so many of them . dont know what to do or how to look at him we had long talk .whats wrong with me that he has to do this ?

needhelp, I hope you and your husband are working through this. If you are still reading this thread, we would be grateful for an update to know how you are doing or if there is anything else we can say to help.

QLP · May 21, 2011, 03:14 PM

This is just a guess, but maybe the thing that makes you feel so uncomfortable is also the thing that attracts him to doing it - namely the fact that it seems so 'unmanly'. But is it really? Isn't he exactly the same man who you now know happens to like wearing female lingerie sometimes?

As a female I sometimes dress in pretty or slinky,very feminine clothes and they do make me feel more feminine. However if I'm going to dig the garden or do some DIY I will probably wear some comfy trousers and a loose T-shirt. Obviously the latter clothes are more practical, but on a psychological level I think perhaps I feel more practical and in the right frame of mind when dressed for the task in hand.

We ladies are lucky in that we can wear clothes that might be deemed masculine or feminine and it is all deemed OK in most cultures.

Maybe if you are a man, and one that is a very traditionally masculine man in the main, (sorry for the stereotyping) then perhaps it is just nice to give that a rest once in a while. Maybe there is a pressure to always be manly that this fetish provides a relief from. As a woman I am aware of the 'feminine and masculine energies' within me, something that men are often not encouraged to admit to, even to themselves. I'm not even sure masculine and feminine are the right words, but I mean in the sense that certain attributes are alloted by society as being one or the other, and taken on board subconsciously by most of us.

As others have said it would be worth exploring both your feellings through counselling.

sum1fun · May 27, 2011, 02:46 AM

I'm a guy and yes, I occasionally wear women's underwear. It's a turn on and as others have mentioned, much more comfy, so are women's jeans.
I have an interesting friendship with a 19yo girl though who makes my life more interesting for sure. She discovered my submissive side and started to make it work for her in several ways. One of those ways is that I now pay for and usually have to buy all of her panties myself. She will sometimes pick a store that's busy or other anything else that she finds entertaining and TELLS me to get in there and buy her some new panties. I've agreed to never say no and it's a lot of fun for her and quite embarrassing for me. It seems a little unfair that I have to go buy them and don't get to wear them. If she gets them herself, she just tells me to give her the money. It's a turn on and I don't know why. She even tricked me by telling me after our agreement that her and her sister share them so I have to buy all panties for both when they demand it. I think girls should do this more often and should definitely make fun of guys in stores going through girly undies.