[2008kwc]

Ah OK, will take note and hold back from sending the article.
Thank you for your advice you have been so amazingly helpful!
Look forward to hearing back from you again!
Erm, you seem very informative about this, I'm guessing around 25?

[NallaNeedsYou]

I am glad I have helped and I am surprised to hear that you describe me as a 25yr old. I am actually 14 but I hope you don't think that my advise is less useful knowing my age. I will think about it whilst I am at school. Keep up the good work

[2008kwc]

I am shocked! But I see you in no other way as very imformative and mature about the way you go about this advise, thank you for the support and you know you don't have to think about this in your own personal time! Thank you, its nice to know I'm still doing the right things.

[NallaNeedsYou]

Im glad you understand! Keep positive!

[2008kwc]

Will do! Thank You :)

[2008kwc]

this is exactly how she said it if it helps you understand more:

(00:31) C h a r l ii;; x: i noo u don't want this and if u don't want to do it then fineee... but what iff we cut off from each otherr for a week... like break up and if my heads sortedd and I finkk thatt we can do thiss then well get bk together if nt then... I don't know
(00:33) K y l e: but do u honestly think your head will be sorted in a week
(00:33) C h a r l ii;; x: if I have time to think

[KISS]

There is just too much energy involved when caring for a loved one, that pretty much everything gets put on hold.

Buying dinner from a Boston Market or bringing smething that she might not have time to cook, I think would be appreciated. Don't ask to stay. Don't linger. If it gets dropped off, just do that.

If you know she's home, just drop the meal off and call her that it was delivered by you with a little note. Just make sure the dinner is easily used for another day. Something like a "Boston Market" meal or dinner from home.

[2008kwc]

Yeh I understand she doesn't have time for me at the moment, hence the space.

That is a good idea, I could aways knock on her door, leave it on the doorstep and leave swiftly without her seeing me, but leave a note with it.

My mum has left her a message this morning, and part of it explained that we can always drop groceries off, or give her lifts and stuff.
So at least she knows.

Im going to drop of the "Thinking of you" card later tonight, which contains a letter inside, and the boreder of it I have filled in with lyrics from a song she loves that was made by lots of artists for cancer.

[2008kwc]

How about attaching a cd with the card and letter, with a few songs she likes, that we listen to together?

I could list the songs so far if you want to know!

[NallaNeedsYou]

Maybe save the cd for another week. By the look of her text she is trying not to worry you. I don't think her head is going to sort it self out until she opens up or the sad enevitable happens. If it is the latter then your family needs to be ready to catch her because she will feel lost and alone. Do not worry about your relationship because mentioning it to her would only make things worse, as I said before you have to be extremely patient and steadfast. Ten days to get over losing the last immediate family member isn't realistic. It might take a month it might take 3 months before she has time to think about your relationship but with little reminders every so often she will have the thought put into her head and then stored at the back of the pile. I think you are being far to hasty, you have asked if she needs help, you have spoken to your familly, your mum has left a message, you need to slow down. You love her so much and you don't want to lose her so do the minimum. You are carring too much. It is sad but I think she needs to get through this by herself. Like I said don't mention us - if you send a cd with the stuff you listned to together then she will think that you are putting your relationship over her dad especially because she hasn't got her mum to turn to. Maybe you could ask your mum to play a larger role in it, ask her to be there for her because she will find it easier to open up to a mother figure. If your mum (or dad) did some of the little things like cooking a meal or dropping of groceries then she would have no reason to think that you only want to secure your relationship. I know you wouldn't think like that but as you say she is messed up. Your mum needs to be able to go and help her without you asking her to. Understand that it is impossible to replace a mother, keep hope but most importantly you [U]have[U] to take it slower. It will be hard but it is necessary. Keep us posted

[2008kwc]

Ok, I've taken in what you have said and will refrain from sending the CD. I was unsure about it anyway to be honest.

I have however, got a "thinking of you" card, and have written a letter explaining once more, I will always be here for her, and can lean on me whenever she needs, I also explained I believe she is very strong and brave, and as tough as nails.
Around the outside of the letter, within the borders I have wrote a few lyrics from a song she listens to a lot, which is made by lots of various women celebrity's singing for people with cancer. I've decorated it a bit, colouring words such as "heart" in red. Things like that, if you would like to read the lyrics here they are: Just Stand Up Lyrics:Various Artists Just Stand Up Lyrics

If you believe this is a bad idea, please say as I think I will be dropping this off later tonight.

And also, her best mate talks to me on msn now, which she never used too.
For instance today, she started talking to me as if we were good mates, this about 6pm. She said she was going to fireworks with kellie and charli. Charli hadn't been on msn all day, and they live very close together, so part of me thinks charli was there telling her to talk to me, maybe to see if I was OK? Either way I'm acting kind of normal.. but a bit miffed too.
I also said don't tell charli but I'm listening to westlife! Which we have always had a thing where she will be like, "You love them" and ill be like "NOOO!".. and I know her best mate will tell her, so I thought that was pretty sly!

[NallaNeedsYou]

I think it is a good idea but be very careful not to over do it. You don't want her to feel preassured by you. Maybe you could ask the friend if you seem too 'clingy'. As in does it seem like you are trying really hard not to lose her. You need to try and think of you as her friend until she pulls through, maybe even try and put that in the card. Something small which shows that you aren't stressed about her being messed up or that you understand what she has to do and that you support her in what she does no matter what. It will reasure her that your relationship is not something that she needs to worry about. That would add extra meaning to the letter.

[2008kwc]

Hmm yeah I understand what you mean.

Ill write out the letter very shortly on here, so you can see my base idea, it hasn't been done yet, just a rough one.

Charli,
I hope everything is OK with you and your Dad.
I know your going through a tough time right now, and that you may be feeling down, scared, lost and confused.
But just remember I'm here for you, whether its 4 in the morning or 7 in the evening, even if its just for a chat don't be afraid to ask sweetie.
You can always lean on me, ill support you through anything, trust me on that. Even if its just help with your college work.
Just remember you don't need to bottle any emotions up, don't worry about feeling vulnerable, its natural.
You don't have to be alone through any of this, just believe, try your best and remember you don't have to put on a brave face to me.
You are such a brave and strong woman. You may not believe it but deep down your as tough as nails, and you can pull through anything.
You may feel like you can't take it, want to give up, feel alone and isolated, but remember your not alone. You will never be alone, ever.
Of course there is no rush for you to let everything out, just know that I am here, ready if you need me. Even if its just for a hug.
Things will get better sweetie, they will.

Never going to give up on you.
Hugs and kisses
I Love You
Kyle
Xxxx <3

[NallaNeedsYou]

Its good but I think it focuses very slightly too much on the relationship. It is caring and considerate and it will help her feel she has someone to rely on. After showing her that you are there to help you cannot do anything else, she must make up her own decision.

[2008kwc]

Ok, so after this just let her be?

I was thinking of perhaps adding "there is no rush at all, take all the time you need" or is that still focusing on relationship a bit?

What else from that focuses on the relationship?

[NallaNeedsYou]

Maybe add that in but looking at it from her point of view so instead of there is no rush at all maybe say something like "dont worry about us.. (just do what you need to do)..." you can think of something more personal of course but then you are looking at it from the view of getting her priorities right and you supporting her in that.

[2008kwc]

How about "i know our relationship isnt the top priority right now, so just take all the time you need"

[NallaNeedsYou]

Yes that is very good but don't be completely contet, there maybe a better way of saying it. Maybe changing the last bit again so it focuses on her dad rather than on you?

[2008kwc]

"I know our relationship isnt your top priority right now, which is totaly understandable, i hope this space is helping you alot, if you need more time to be around your dad and to get work done dont hesitate to ask ok!" perhaps that? Maybe with a few minor changes or not?

Really want to get this right!

[NallaNeedsYou]

Yes don't be content but it is a lot better. It is a lot more meanigful if you take her side on it but again too much will spoil it. Maybe the bit about her just asking if she wants more time seems like you need to be asked. Maybe even simplyfying it to I know our relationship isn't your top priority right now and I totally agree that it shouldn't be, just know that I am here for you and I that I will suppport you in whatever you do. Again you will think of a better way of saying it but this takes away from mentioning her dad and stops her thinking you are eager to get back into a relationship. You are the best judge but you need to really say it right for it to work