[rawr_itssonya]

My boyfriend is 21 and I'm just turning 17. My sister feels its her duty to inform my entire extended family that I'm dating an older guy. My whole family dislikes me now because they think I'm some kind of superslut and my boyfriend is some kind of child molester(which is far from the case). My uncle and grandpa want to arrest my boyfriend for being with me which I think is ridiculous. Considering the 2 facts that: a) my family barely knows me because they never try to make any contact with me unless I'm in trouble, which I never am and b) they don't know my boyfriend nor have ever met him, but just want to arrest him because they think he's a threat to me. I have no clue what to do about my family but it just makes me want to bridge the gap between us even more. It's like I really am a good kid and they think I'm a horrible person just because I have an older boyfriend. I have no intention whatsoever to break up with my boyfriend over something like this, but I just don't know how to deal. Help?

[Fr_Chuck]

Well of course in about 1/2 of the US states, if you and your boyfriend havve been having sex, he could go to jail, since almost 17 means you are still 16. The arrest issue is that it does not matter if they meet him or not, by law ( and against depends on the state in the US, 16 is legal in some states, but illegal still in many states) so if you and he has had sex, but law, not your opinion, not my opinoin, but by the law he is a guilty of rape and would end up being listed a sex offender the rest of his life.

I don't have as much issue with a 17 year old with a 21 year old, but of course the other issue is that if the parent having custody of you, tells you not to see them and you still do, guess what, another legal issue interfering with custody, since he is causing you to disobey your parent or guardian. So yes, most likely they can cause him to be arrested if they really want to ( depending on the state you are at)

But most people look at a 21 year old, and say what do they want with a 16 year old ( almost 17) and the though sex comes to mind, since most other things in common would be less. So they care enough for you to want to protect you from someone older that may be taking advantage of you.

Not really telling you what to do, just some ideas of what could happen down the road.

[talaniman]

You and him have been off and on for a while, and as I read your story from other posts you've made https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1312544 I guess you guys have decided to be together. You have to understand your family only wants to protect you, so bringing your b/f around them at this time, may not be a great idea. It may cause more problems than it solves. You can't change peoples minds over night

[rawr_itssonya]

I was with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, and some of you may have read my older posts. We've been through a lot. Our relationship was a long term emotional roller coaster. I recently broke up with him because I discovered that throughout our entire relationship, he was talking to other girls behind my back, seeing other girls behind my back, and being a compulsive liar when I tried to address him about it. He told me he wanted to "keep his options open". I told him " i don't want to be one of your options, i want to be the only one". So I broke up with him. Before we broke up I was constantly looking for more and more evidence to prove that he was cheating on me. I kept finding little blog/web pages where he would say he was single and his only friends were females which he talked to in a flirtatious manner. So I ended it. Now I know that I can never go back to him. I just can't bring myself to such self disrespect. I want to start from scratch. I want to discover more about myself before I jump into another foolish relationship like this one. The first thing I want to do is be abstinent for as long as possible. If I find another man that I'm attracted to I want to hold out on sex as long as I possibly can to find out if he truly cares about me. What kind of advice would you give about finding the right person. What should I look for? What red flags should I recognize? How do I make sure this never happens to me again? Thank you for your help

[serena6878]

Please begin from learning about each other, and then become friends, and good friends, and finally lovers.
You now could keep your options open, but not in the same selfish way with you ex-boyfriend. So before believing he is the right person, just develop the friendship based on respect and happiness.
I hope you would find Mr. Right soon!

[rawr_itssonya]

Yeah I want to be with Mr. Right and I just want to eliminate all the Mr. Wrongs that get in his way of being with me

[serena6878]

I know a psychology quiz to see whether he likes you or not. Later you can try as a game with him.
Let him pick one of the fingers of your right hand. If he picks thumb, it means true love; the pinkie, it means he likes you but never tells you; index finger, it means he is not serious. (I just remember these :> )

[talaniman]

The best way to find someone is to find yourself. If your busy making yourself happy by building a life you enjoy, someone will want to share that happiness with you. Relax and don't rush it, and abstinance until you know someone very well, is a great idea, and cuts down on confusion as to what you feel. Sex complicates things greatly.

[mustard_seed]

From my vault of tell-tale signs:
Ask about his past relationships and why they ended. Keep smiling & chuckle a little and he won't notice you taking MENTAL NOTES.

How long was his longest relationship last.

Meet his friends. It is true that you can judge how someone REALLY is by the type of people they hand around with.

Meet his family--more importantly, his mother. How he treats her and what he says about her is EXACTLY how you will be treated down the road.

Can he maintain employment.

Does his personality change depending who he is with. This could be sign that he is fake or phony. We all clean up out act somewhat but fakers always take it too far--over the top differences.

Does he use foul language as common everyday words? Imagine what type of words he might use when angry with you.

Finally, Is he a bully? This is huge! If he bullies others...

[Chery]

how do I make sure this never happens to me again?

You can't. Nobody can.


There is no guarantee in any relationship. From your posts, you have indicated that you 'search' for proof... not all guys are potential cheaters and you should not focus on that possibility with the next guy right off the bat - that will ensure instant failure. You need to figure out within yourself why you develop distrust. Yes, some of it was justified, but remember that there is always a second chance out there, and the willingness to accept that we all are not perfect helps.

Nobody is perfect, but we do tend to mend our ways, learn and grow, when the right person comes along. Guys take chances with us and we take chances with them in hopes that growing and learning together brings us to bonding.

So, go out there, get to know others, abstain for as long as you want until you feel secure in all other aspects of the relationship and you'll both be rewarded. Check out each other's worlds and see if these worlds can blend into your scheme of a world together. Lots of fun and communication about everything under the sun is always a good start - even if it just winds up as a great friendship.

Good hunting, dear. Keep us posted.

You have to get your feet wet if you want to swim.

It could take months, and it could take years before we find the right person to share life with.

[liz28]

I was in the same situation with ex instead he use to go the chat line, not a free one, to talk to girls which I found it to very disrespect and left him for it.

Now I just goings out with guys on dates and just taking things slow, I not looking for a relationship and I let them know I make sure I learned all about their past and plans for the future but remember sometimes when your not looking for something that when you find it. Also you meet someone that will appricate the good and bad from you and will love you.It good you went through that with your ex because now you know what you want and don't want and remember actions speaks louder than words. Good luck.

[rawr_itssonya]

Recently, my ex boyfriend(who was my first and only true love, and whom I was in a relationship with for 2 and 1/2 years) called me super drunk telling me of his adventures at the local famous strip club. He proceeded to tell me how much he missed me, how much he loved me, how much he wanted me back, and for a minute we actually conversed like normal friends. But the thing that freaks me out is that I thought that I was TOTALLY over him( I broke up with him in April of 08, and since then I've been having so much fun and freedom) and apparently I'm not because when he told me he attended the strip club(which he never used to be interested in or have done to my knowledge) and that he planned on attending regularly(once a month) in the future, I collapsed inside like romantic roadkill! I don't know what about him it is that I hate him so much, but love him so much more. I suppose its because I care about him still deep down and I hate the thought of other girls dancing naked around him and I get super jealous to this day! Am I completely retarded as an ex girlfriend? Or is this normal?

[N0help4u]

Competing against a strip club is no reason to want him back.
He could be using the strip club as a way to guilt you into going back with him. I have seen guys use this logic to 'win' the girl back.
These are not healthy reasons for going back though.
In fact I would say something like ''well I see you have the strip club now so you don't need me'' and see what he says to that. If he is wanting you back he should come up with a reply to indicate that No you are all I want or who I want.

[rawr_itssonya]

Its not that I want him back, although he really wants me back, its just I can't stop thinking about it! Like its making me obsess about him all over again for some crazy reason. And plus, on his myspace he's added all kinds of slutty girls(most are either overweight, have kids, or are just plain slutty). It drives me nuts, but I don't want to be with him because its like why would I want to be with someone who likes those kind of girls? It even makes me think if he saw me as being that easy and cheap looking, you know? Although I don't want a relationship with him(because Greg Behrendt has taught me much better than that lol), I still have deep emotional feelings about him that make me want to act like a psycho ex girlfriend. I don't like feeling this way, and I'm wondering how I can end these feelings or at least get my mind off him

[N0help4u]

I think he may be thinking that if he does these things it is getting your attention and making you think about him. Even if it is negative it is still getting you to notice so he is getting what he wants.
Ignore him and get on with your life.

[talaniman]

He is just stirring old feelings in you and if you stop the contact, you end the confusion, and super jealousy.

It's that simple, just go NO CONTACT!

[jmw0713]

No myspace/facebook. No IM or email. No phone calls. Cut him out of your life. You should have done this a while ago.