Check out some similar questions!

JohnnyP409 · Aug 1, 2007, 04:28 PM

I am not moving for her, I am moving for myself. Where I live now is not for me. This is going to be my third year here and I've had enough. I need to stay though to hopefully reap the success that I have set up and to boost my resume for my next job, as well as finish my masters.

JohnnyP409 · Aug 6, 2007, 01:19 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ls-115536.html
Hey everyone, I'm back. A lot has changed since the last post (linked above).
We had a bad fight 4 days ago, she kept saying she doesn't love me anymore, I'm not her type, she can't see herself with me in the future, she wants her ex, blah blah blah. To say the least she really hurt me. After this I just stopped talking to her, made her miss me? Ever since then she's called mutliple times per day, I do not answer, but no messages are left. Yesterday she IM's me on AIM, and says "just wanted to let you know that I made those things up to piss you off, and I never used you." I did not respond, and I thought since she got this off her chest the calls would end. Wrong, this morning she called again. What is going on? I am trying to move on, as you all said I should do.

What I want is to move on, date other people, see what I like and have the possibility of finding her again in the future. She really hurt me though by saying the things she did (even though they weren't true). I know she is in a new place and just does not know what she wants, but I'm sick of being so available to her. Should I keep ignoring her? Does this make me more attractive to her? PLEASE HELP, I am dying to talk to her!

GlindaofOz · Aug 6, 2007, 01:22 PM

Keep strong buddy! You can do it. If necessary keep your phone turned off and only check it for messages or missed calls once a day. You are doing the right thing towards healing.

JohnnyP409 · Aug 6, 2007, 01:24 PM

But if I want her back in the future is this OK to do? I feel like it is, and I can always explain why I've ignored her when we do talk again. I loved being close to her and talking and know that in the future when I'm healed I will be her friend. I don't want to mess a possible future up. She is 22 and I am 25, I know she's too young to commit to me now, but I know we had a special connection.

GlindaofOz · Aug 6, 2007, 01:33 PM

Well if she sends you another IM you could just say to her right now I'm hurt please stop contacting me when I'm ready to I will contact you.

That's exactly what I said to my ex - he did the same thing nonstop calls and emails and I just finally told him the above. I told him it was not open for debate and that was it and then I hung up. About 4 months later I was ready and called and we were able to have a friendship until I started dating someone and he got mad and that was it.

JohnnyP409 · Aug 6, 2007, 01:36 PM

Thanks, but I've told her this many times. Maybe the answer I am looking for is for a question I haven't asked. If I picked up this would be what I would ask her.

"Why do you keep calling me?"

If anyone can give me an idea to this that would be great.

GlindaofOz · Aug 6, 2007, 01:39 PM

Well all you can do at this point is keep ignoring her, you've said your piece and told her how you feel. Right now this is some controlling behavior. The only thing you can do is ignore her and if its continues or gets worse then I would send her one more email or IM and say I asked you to stop contacting me please stop. If it then continues then I'm sorry to say but she is out of control and your best bet would be to change your number and file a nuisance order that would prevent her from calling you.

lightbulb · Aug 6, 2007, 02:39 PM

Keep strong and try not to call her back. You should definitely date and try and find someone else who appreciates you. She sounds very immature. Don't waste your time with her unless you can handle more pain and heartache.

JohnnyP409 · Aug 6, 2007, 03:42 PM

I want her back though. Is ignoring her the right thing to do? Hahaha I probably sound like an idiot wanting her back, but it was great when we were together.

GlindaofOz · Aug 6, 2007, 05:12 PM

You haven't had enough distance yet to judge if that's what you really want or what you're used to - trust me. I felt the same way with my ex. I wanted him back so bad. After 60 days I remembered why we broke up and after 90 I was starting to see maybe it wasn't so great and after 120 I knew I never wanted him back.

Ash123 · Aug 6, 2007, 05:49 PM

You achieved your goal: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

NOW puhleez understand that there pain of guilt will always be trumped by the pain of rejection - at least in the short term... And your job is to heal. You will heal in less time from walking away from someone who you do not respect now. Your brain will see this as clear as day when the chemicals between you settle in the next couple months.

May the force be with you luke.

JohnnyP409 · Aug 6, 2007, 06:51 PM

I read your post but I'm not sure as to what goal I've gotten to, and what to do next according to your list. I think your list is brilliant by the way, want to help me out a little bit on what to do though? Thanks!

Ash123 · Aug 6, 2007, 09:33 PM

I think you know... but you don't want to know... :O-)
We are biologically wired to reproduce and a break-up doesn't compute!

You are in no contact and should be focusing on moving on...
It takes TIME. FIGHTING, yelling, lying... that is not GF material.

Get a calendar and countdown 90 days of silence, exercise and friends... and Voilà!
NEW YOU! Cheers!

JohnnyP409 · Aug 7, 2007, 07:12 AM

And this new me can get her back possibly?

Ash123 · Aug 7, 2007, 07:16 AM

You don't want her back. You just THINK you want her back.
If you detox 90 days you will be able to function more clearly.
Anyway, if you DO want her back... not talking is your only chance...
Wait at least a month from the time she first contacts you - so she knows your serious.

My 2 cents: you can do better than her. And if you get back she will likely repeat her behavior.

JohnnyP409 · Aug 7, 2007, 07:41 AM

Thanks Ash, I appreciate all your help. This thread can die now! Haha

JohnnyP409 · Aug 7, 2007, 08:47 AM

Haha, I said it was dead but then this happened today on AIM, while she is at her job. I did not respond, but I'm dying too.

XXXXX (11:32:41 AM): you are so annoying!!
XXXXX (11:33:36 AM): if you're going to continue to hate me at least tell me you are then I promise ill stop iming you
XXXXX (11:37:05 AM): k ill take the lack of response as my cue bye!

WHAT DO I DO?? I want to talk to bad, at least not leave her hanging like this! Those are the only IM's I got, She's the one calling me all the time ever since our fight, how am I annoying?

Ash? Anyone?

GlindaofOz · Aug 7, 2007, 08:51 AM

What does no contact mean to you johnny? Does it mean taking the bait every time she tries to goat you into talking to her? Or does it mean separating yourself from this situation to gain some real perspective.

EVERY ONE WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER WHEN THEY GET DUMPED. E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E.
That's why it is imperative to go no contact for at least 90 days. Right now you have ZERO perspective on this situation. As soon as you can see that its called a break up because its BROKEN then you cannot talk to her. You can do this! We have all been there. Nearly everyone on this board is going through the same thing. You can do it. It feels impossible right now because you are in the thick of pain. In 90 days its going to look a lot different.

JohnnyP409 · Aug 7, 2007, 08:55 AM

So you don't think this is the end of her trying to contact me? I don't want her to hate me forever... I just want to make her realize I'm not someone to be walked all over and I can be in control if I need to be (she is always in control but claims she needs a guy to be in control, but then freaks when it happens)

JohnnyP409 · Aug 7, 2007, 08:56 AM

PS I did not write back at all, Still no contact for 5 days! That's a record for me! Haha