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mcgmark · Feb 1, 2007, 07:53 AM

talaniman disagrees: (we date for a month spending every free moment together... ) Your feelings like she doesn't have any? SELFISH and Immature to boot.

Elabtorate more.

mcgmark · Feb 1, 2007, 08:01 AM

Originally Posted by rol

No one is telling you to play games.

It really is a game.. If she would just tell me straight up how she is feeling and why she needs space I would know what is going on and wouldn't be here trying to figure out what to do next..

We are just telling you to not make her your life, which you seem to be doing. As tal said what happened to your life during those 8 freaking years apart?Are you neglecting all your friends that you had then.

I don't put any emphasis in my life on my friends.. My friends are a way to meet girls.. the few close friends that I have I have not neglected during this time with her...

Your natural pace is obviously not what she wants..

My pace was slower than hers... up until these last 2 weeks than she took a few steps back..

I'm sure she wants to take things slow, why not see her once a week to begin with? Tell her that, and then slowly build up to maybe 2 times a week next month.

For the first month she didn't want to be apart from me wanted me to sleep over every night which I didn't even do... The last 2 weeks she has gone steps back in the relationship..

I am a girl also and if someone started coming on strong like that with me I would also tell them I need space to myself.

What would you do with this space though? I think at that point you have already decided it won't work out...

rol · Feb 1, 2007, 08:16 AM

<<What would you do with this space though? I think at that point you have already decided it won't work out... >>

I have never said that! I see plenty of hope if you take it slow and don't get so annoying with her!
OK at the beginning she was probably excited to be with you again and then maybe she started to see the clinginess/neediness that was still there from 8 years ago.
Why did you not set the pace for the relationship. You plan the dates, you be the man, you pursue her.
You tell her you are busy , you don't be available just when she wants.
I think in a new relationship people should not see each other more than once a week, otherwise it starts all great and goes downhill fast. You need to take time to get to know her again and think if she is the girl for you and vice versa.

Give her space now for a month or so and then start back with that attitude.

rol · Feb 1, 2007, 08:24 AM

<<I don't put any emphasis in my life on my friends.. My friends are a way to meet girls.>>

Is meeting girls all you are interested in??

rol · Feb 1, 2007, 08:26 AM

<,If she would just tell me straight up how she is feeling and why she needs space I would know what is going on and wouldn't be here trying to figure out what to do next..
>>

She told you! <<She even said I was putting too much pressure on her>>

mcgmark · Feb 1, 2007, 08:46 AM

All of my relationships have started really strong but the momentum continues.

This is very different from anything I've been through...

It is going to be tough to give her space for that long and still want to be with her after..
I won't have any trust or confidence in her or the relationship unless I know what is going on or went on.

mcgmark · Feb 1, 2007, 08:48 AM

Originally Posted by rol

<<I don't put any emphasis in my life on my friends.. My friends are a way to meet girls.>>

is meeting girls all you are interested in??!

That is the only thing in life that truly brings me any sort of joy and happiness..

And don't try to fight it.. it won't change...

mcgmark · Feb 1, 2007, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by rol

<,If she would just tell me straight up how she is feeling and why she needs space I would know what is going on and wouldnt be here trying to figure out what to do next..
>>

She told you! <<She even said I was putting to much pressure on her>>

Pressure could mean so many different things.. If she was open with me and told me how I am putting pressure on her I would know how/where/when to back off and we could still keep up communication and spending time with each other...

rol · Feb 1, 2007, 09:12 AM

<<That is the only thing in life that truly brings me any sort of joy and happiness..
And don't try to fight it.. it won't change... >>

Well maybe there lies your whole problem.

<<Pressure could mean so many different things.. If she was open with me and told me how I am putting pressure on her I would know how/where/when to back off and we could still keep up communication and spending time with each other... >>

Well don't keep pestering her about it. Give her space now.

Wildcat21 · Feb 1, 2007, 10:20 AM

Amen!! To Rol.

They are only part of your life - NOT your life. Once you make them your life - it's over. And you're screwed in the head - it's very unhealthy to make some one your complete life - AND no one deserves it.

No women wants to be placed on a pedestal. Ever. You put her on a pedestal - gave away all your power to her - now you're stuck.

Just leave this gal completely alone for a while and she may catch up to you.

talaniman · Feb 1, 2007, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by mcgmark

elabtorate more.

Simple when you say relationship, its two people who work together for the benefit of both. When its all you and no consideration for her, That's SELFISH. When you get mad because you don't get your way That's IMMATURE. Neither one makes you a good relationship candidate. I figured you to be 30 or close to it and by that time most people have enough human skills and experience to deal things in a mature adult way. Aside from your original post you have not shown those skills and the rants after in this thread speak to the immaturity I was pointing out so you should leave this female alone and go for the ones that you like best and who put up with your... stuff. Why'd you post here anyway since you have all the answers??

Wildcat21 · Feb 1, 2007, 10:49 AM

T - well said!!

This guy is love struck though. Let him learn his lesson. Being all 'goofy in love' is so unhealthy and he has will crash and burn big time.

Blinded by love!! Don't mortgage your sole to stranger.

Smart people keep their sole locked up for safe keeping.

mcgmark · Feb 1, 2007, 12:32 PM

I'm only 24.

She has been keeping contact text messaging me..

So I'll just go with the flow.. respond to her slowly etc.. But not expect anything to come from it.. and if something does I'll think twice about it...

talaniman · Feb 1, 2007, 04:02 PM

Do you really want to be with her in a relationship or is this just another babe to yo? Just curious.

J_9 · Feb 1, 2007, 04:13 PM

Sorry T-Man, I had to spread the love. All I wanted to say is that I see something very blue in this thread.

Wildcat21 · Feb 1, 2007, 04:15 PM

J - where you been??

J_9 · Feb 1, 2007, 04:15 PM

STUDYING, and sticking with health for a while.

mcgmark · Feb 2, 2007, 07:15 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Do you really want to be with her in a relationship or is this just another babe to yo? Just curious.

She has been my dream girl for the last 8 years.

She is definitely not another babe.

She is someone I wanted to spend time with.

But after the way she has made me feel this last week I don't think I could ever be with her now.

She is on her rag this week so I'm going to talk to her after and see if anything has changed if nothing has changed I'm done.. I'm not going to torture myself like I have been for the last 8 years hoping one day we will be together...

talaniman · Feb 3, 2007, 11:54 AM

You have put this female on a pedestal for 8 years and now you find that she cannot meet your standards which is your fault, not hers. If you are not willing to do the work that a healthy relationship requires then you should leave her alone. From what you have written you are not relationship material.

scotsfilmmaker · Feb 8, 2007, 05:01 PM

mcgmark,

Just want to say that I am in the same boat as you mate! My EX- needs `Space` as well. We had a bad breakup around Summer of 2005, but after that I was very supportive of her, emotionally and financially. Things were great most of 2006, but since I got back from Scotland for Christmas, early Jan 2007, things were amazing! She craved me and missed me big time! Since then we have had loads of good times, shopping, affection and generally enjoying one another's company, when back this week, Last Mon 5th Feb, she accused me of hacking her dating website, WHICH I DID NOT! She is on medication for personal reasons, but she said She`d maybe be OK in a few days, she just told me just give me `Space` and we`ll talk later. Now, one of the things she told me leading up to Mon was that she wants to take things slow.

Now, mcgmark I know how it feels, its painful playing the waiting game, but the majority of the guyz and ladies on this forum are correct, it can only get worse if we annoy them. You have to go out with your mates, do something's that you have always wanted to do, catch a film, etc.

I`ll leave you some advice as its what I`m doing.

1. BE STRONG.

2. DON'T BE NEEDY.

3. DON'T INITIATE AFFECTION, UNLESS SHE ASKES FOR IT.

4. SEE YOUR FRIENDS.

5. BE IN CONTROL.

6. BE MORE CONFIDENT. (WOMEN LOVE THAT!)

mcgmark, You have a friend here that is going through exactly what you are going through, lets hang there, keep us posted,

Good luck!