[talaniman]

He has chosen not to be a partner, or a best friend, and to make decisions that are right for you, then you must accept that, and treat this as a break up, because it is.

You are in transition, and he no longer can be adamant about being included in anything you do, because you are no longer a family, and acting like one won't change that fact!

My gosh, stand up for yourself, and stop all this hoping he comes to his senses and comes home and things can be like they were. You are only fooling yourself, and can only hurt yourself even more.

[amicon]

He's stringing you along,feeding you the odd morsel of false hope-don't accept this any longer.

Re-read the advice from your previous posts-the advice's not changing.

[tamonze]

So after 12 years together and being split up for 3 months I have just found out he is seeing a 19 yr old girl he is 34 he didn't tell me about this she sent me messages via face book of conversations between the 2 of them? I confronted him and he admitted well had to admit he said he didn't tell me as he did not want to hurt me we are best friends as well as ex lovers and she has a problem with his relationship with me and our son! She has denied the messages which I printed off to show him so it's all there in black and white he assures me that no one will come between us we have a connection and that's that. But how is this going to work he comes here for dinner once a week comes over most eve's and spends at least 1 day at the weekends with us.if I talk about meeting new people he freaks out? What shall I do .

[88sunflower]

Well the fact that she sent you a copy of the message between them shows her age and immaturity. Really how long do you think it will last? Which fully explains why she has a problem with you and him having a relationship. You will always be connected having a child together. If she were mature enough she would realize that. But then she turns around and lies about sending you the message. Really I wouldn't waste your time on worrying over her. She won't be around long.

As far as him being with her after your split I guess that's his choice. Doesn't matter if it was one month or the three you say it has been. Your split. He is free to do as he pleases really. Just as you are. If he has issues when you mention moving on that is his problem not yours. Your no longer together. Your connected because you share a child. Not because your in a relationship.

Now I am wondering why is he spending so much time with you and what are the things he is telling you? Is he leading you to think you will be a couple again? Is he giving you false hope? If that's the case you need to change the relationship. He chose to move on. Let him spend time with his child and only them. Stay away and take time to heal and you move on as he did. Let him freak out if you find another love. Its not his business. He clearly didn't care when he started dating a 19 year old. Stand your ground and be happy. With out that drama.

[Fr_Chuck]

He is a ex, and you are acting like he is your current.

If he is a ex, you don't care who he dates, you and he are free to date anyone you want to.

Next he needs to set up visitation times for the child, not visits with you.

[talaniman]

The relationship has changed, and you both must change and make adjustments also.

For one, the rules need to be clear by you to him, because

Its not okay for him to just drop by whenever he wants

Its not okay for him to command YOUR time

Its not okay for YOU to still do for him as you did before

You must be clear when you lay out new boundaries for yourself, that works for you, and not just him. When you allow him to do as he pleases, he WILL. He is no longer a partner for life, just a friend, so treat him as such, and don't allow him more than he deserves.*



*Copied, and pasted from post 17, after this new thread, about the same thing, was merged with the old one.

No need to start new threads when its about the same relationship.