[Wondergirl]

And her mail, email, IM history, clothing (the sniff test is good), the bags when she comes in from shopping ("Yo, sweetie, what did you buy today? -- oh, what's this book of love poetry for? You know I hate reading poetry")...

[Kitkat22]

and her mail, email, im history, clothing (the sniff test is good), the bags when she comes in from shopping....

Wg... :d

[clickaus]

Kelly doesn't know Kevin and Kevin was her ex flatmate in that apartment complex.
Hmm yes sometimes I check her phone and she looks through mind [maybe for different reasons]. She goes through my email at home as I don't hide that, whereas I never get to see hers, but that doesn't seem to bother me. And no, I don't go to the bathroom with her.. sometimes the shower but that's another story :)

[clickaus]

I mean Kevin was my wife's ex flatmate, before she was my wife, not Kelly's.

[Kitkat22]

Keep seeing the counselor!

[friend4u178]

I mean Kevin was my wife's ex flatmate, before she was my wife, not Kelly's.

Ex Flatmate , not Ex BF. So surely if she wanted anything to do with Kevin other than friendship she would have back then , and not married you.

I really believe your making something out of nothing because of being cheated on in the past , can't you see that's not fair to her?

[Kitkat22]

If she wanted Kevin or anyone else
She would have married them.

[talaniman]

We have know each other just a few months.
Met in Early January, went on a mini break on 26 Jan and Proposed, married March 7.

I am 55 she is 43, her daughter 17
Currently she doesn't work

We met online, dating agency, as soon as we established we were an item we both cancelled our subscription.

So you have known her just shy of 7 months. I would be insecure too! But that's no excuse at all for your actions, or hers (in marrying you!)!!

[Kitkat22]

So you have known her just shy of 7 months. I would be insecure too! But thats no excuse at all for your actions, or hers (in marrying you!)!!!

Exactly... Great Point

[clickaus]

Hi guys.
I am trying so hard to be a better guy, trying so hard to put things into perspective, trying so hard to put past bad relationships back in a box.
I called my wife as I usually do during the day, a morning break or a lunch break. This day I called during my lunch break just to say hi.. when she tells me she was at the shopping mall just having a coffee with Kevin [those who have been reading my saga will know who Kevin is], I was a little taken back and she asked if I wanted speak with him, I did, and he just said they are having coffee at 'Gloria Jeans' in the Mall. I tried to be civil and polite by saying that we haven't really been introduce properly and suggested all of us 'catch up for dinner'. He then handed my wife back on the phone. She could tell I wasn't happy, but I was calm. I known they spent at least 2 hours together. On the way home I was trying so hard to tell myself it was OK, but I couldn't stop being so upset about it. When I got home my wife could tell I wasn't happy. We talked, I learned that she actually called him to arrange to go for coffee, again I could understand why she would do that knowing that I wouldn't be happy. It ended up with her being upset and me feeling bad. She has a lot of time on her hands as she doesn't work and Kevin has just finished his exams so he has more free time. I said It was important that I meet Kevin but she says that he isn't so comfortable and he doesn't so much free time... he was able to find two hours to meet with her though. I am confused and hurt and scared. I still believe that it is not appropriate for a married woman to call and spend time with single male friends. Am I wrong? She doesn't seem to adhere to the same thinking and says she wants to meet and talk with people to help learn english, I understand this but when she says 'talking with friends' I can't help but think she refers to friends as 'guys' I could be wrong but that's what I think is implied and it is causing confusion and concern with me. I need your wrath again guys

[talaniman]

Relax guy, calm down. For a change I agree with you. But you have to let her know in a gentle way that its okay to have male friends (My wife has many), but its just respect that you know her friends.

Keep it simple, and keep it calm, and matter of fact, just because it is.

[Kitkat22]

Relax guy, calm down. For a change I agree with you. But you have to let her know in a gentle way that its okay to have male friends (My wife has many), but its just respect that you know her friends.

Keep it simple, and keep it calm, and matter of fact, just because it is.

I agree with Tal... as he said; keep it calm. Don't accuse him of anything.

[clickaus]

Thank you
When we first started our relationship I immediately introduced her to as many of my immediate friends as I could, some friends I haven't seen in a while so I haven't counted those. The first friend I introduced her to was my female friend who is also Chinese, so I thought it would be good for my wife to have someone to talk to in her own language, she is married and with a child and we have been friends for 12 years. I maintain there is a difference as she is married I am married and we both have met each others family/partner we have been to their place many times. BUT since being in a relationship I have never called or contacted any of my single female friends [although I did get a birthday call from my ex girlfriend, who lives in Japan, when I was walking with my wife one day. That was awkward]. And because she knows I get upset I start wondering how many times she actually meets him and doesn't mention it knowing I would be upset. Confusing.


I have learned that he is supposed to be coming for dinner Sunday afternoon. Now I am a little apprehensive as I don't know how I am going to feel or how I am going handle it. How do I act naturally when I have so much in my head.

[Kitkat22]

I have learned that he is supposed to be coming for dinner Sunday afternoon. Now I am a little apprehensive as I don't know how I am going to feel or how I am going handle it. How do I act naturally when I have so much in my head.

Just as you would treat a friend. Just as she would treat one of your friends. Be friendly and make him feel at home. You don't know if there is anything going on.

[clickaus]

Just to be clear Tal, which bit do you agree with?

[talaniman]

About you knowing her friends personally, man, or woman.

[clickaus]

Hi guys
Things have been fairly calm over the past few weeks.
Early in our relationship she made a throw away comment about her eagerness in learning english something like 'if I am at the shopping mall someone could say 'hi pretty lady can I buy you a coffee' and she said that she could practice to learn english. Those of you who have followed my saga may remember that this was a sticking point for me as I was concerned that this was an indication of her character. I have mentioned this comment a couple of times suggesting it made me a little worried and at one time she actually said that 'If I told you that never happened would you feel better', OK. Last night we were talking about things in general which brought up the same topic. About meeting people on a day to day basis that you come in contact with living in the area and just saying hi in passing. I reminded her that my concern about being too friendly started with her throw away comment about someone in a shopping mall inviting her for coffee. She then said OK this guy who is a security guy at the shopping mall ask her to have a coffee and they had a nice chat, she said he a retired guy [so what]. So there were my concerns of all this time had come out in this conversation. A stranger invited her for coffee and she accepted, obviously a stranger who was interested enough to ask her for coffee. Of course, I didn't think ask as to whether she had seen him since, now that has filled my head with another set of unanwered questions. I ask you, is this a normal part of a relationship. I am confused as to what is regarded normal and acceptable behaviour and what is not. I what so much to have a normal relationship, have the trust the all of you say is paramount in a relationship, but I cannot understand why she has the need to talk to so many people. It always seems to be guys that she talks to... a guy in the elevator on the way to putting out the garbage... a security guy at the mall... so confused as to what to acceptable and normal. I need your comments again please.

[Kitkat22]

Geeze... It might be a little odd, but I don't think he's going to run away with her. You need to get a grip.

[clickaus]

I may add that she seems to think, for her, this is normal behaviour. Being friendly to people. And as long as this is in a public place not a private place, this is normal behaviour.. I ask that for mutual trust I would have to trust that she wasn't 'getting to know' new people [guys] over coffee etc.

[Kitkat22]

I may add that she seems to think, for her, this is normal behaviour. Being friendly to people. And as long as this is in a public place not a private place, this is normal behaviour.. I ask that for mutual trust I would have to trust that she wasn't 'getting to know' new people [guys] over coffee etc.

She'ss a friendly person. I'm sure this retired guy was no Brad Pitt. Her safety I would be more concerned about. Give her a break or I promise... she will find someone else and really I couldn't blame her if you keep on interrogating her. You would drive me insane.

She's not a prisoner nor a possession... Knock off the questions.
Sorry, but being blunt is the only way to get through to you.