[Lanja]

My boyfriend and I started dating 8 months ago. Ysterday he told me that he use to watch porn before we started dating and that he does not watch it anymore , but he still struggels to say no when he is alone at home. I do not know how to cope with this. Does it means that he struggle because I am not enough for him or what? Does he struggle to chose between me and porn?The worst is that he is a minster. I thought that he is at least
A man of God and one I can trust. I don't know anymore. What do I do? Please help! I'm I stupid to be upset?

[Craig80]

First off, this "problem" has very varying solutions depending on who you ask and what kind of couple you are.

I can give you my personal view of it, and some of my thoughts.

Most guys DO watch porn, believe it or not, when they are single, due to the sexual needs we have, now I think that when girls feel like masturbating, they get in the "mood", get comfortable and use their mind and thoughts to "get off".

Many guys have gotten the habit of seeing breasts, nudity, intercourse and all that comes with sex visually while they "get off", and changing that pattern is possible but it takes some work. Some habits die hard, however, he does not struggle because you are not enough for him - I am sure that you are. I am also 99.9% sure that the girls he watch, and the scenes, are just that for him - porn scenes. He doesn't think they are better or more attractive than you, it's just a way that he likes to stimulate himself with. Do you have an active sex life? I watch porn a few days a week when I'm not with my girlfriend, and I do it because I like it and she thinks it's perfectly okay, but I know girls who are not okay with it as well and that's why it's such a difficult question. Bottomline is, talk to him and if you feel that strongly about it you can imply that he should not do it and that it hurts you, but if he doesn't do it at all then you shouldn't even be bothered by it, and the fact that he watched it before you dated is really.. just reality,almost any single guy does it.

[talaniman]

I think your insecurity is showing, as porn in no way, has anything to do with you at all, so never take it personally. He wants to quite, and has been honest with you about it, so support and encourage him, and what does being a minister have to do with having feelings? Ministers are people too.

[cuteycakes]

Hi!!

Firsty, let me let you into a little secret... 10 years ago when I was married (very young) I was one of the most jeslous people you could imagine!! I hated my husband even seeing semi clad women on TV adverts, would go mental if he didn't switch over. Bikini's were a no, no too!! I was obsessed. BUT I don't know what, maybe I just developed and gre up, when we parted this no longer was an issue. Maybe it took me to lose someone (it was a mutual decision) to realise how destructive I was not only to our relstionship but also to myself!! Now I actually sit and watch porn in a long-term relatiosnhip with my (then)partner as part of a happy sex life! Men (ok most men) LOVE seeing sexy women in some form, but maybe its better they enjoy this UNRESTRICTIVELY on the TV than actually in person? I believe if you push or restrict too hard you will only either push them away or push them into this more so! They are on TV, not in your room babes, they can't harm you. He finds YOU attractive but they do find like we do, others attravtive too! They have different needs, sometimes the same as us... we have to realise, we are not perfect and we won't be able to consume them so much that thye are totally blinkered to the whole world... it can't harm you, just relax and don't let it create problems that don't need to be there - I know as I have done it all before!!